Across the Universe

We come from the land of the ice and snow

from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.

The hammer of the gods

Will drive our ships to new lands,

To fight the horde,

singing and crying:

Valhalla, I am coming

-Led Zeppelin

Well, just a quick note before I blast out tomorrow at 7:30 AM. I should be in Copenhagen by 1 pm. They are on the same time as us - the Paris time zone. Packed, passported and ready to rock. Have a great weekend! I'll do my best to do a live broadcast from Denmark. Tomorrow is June. Tomorrow is the full moon, but I'll be in the land of the midnight sun. Happy hour with the Martian! Bring it on.

Cheers all.

FULL CIRCLE

Mayo 29

She parks her car outside of my house
Takes her clothes off
Says shes close to understanding jesus

-Counting Crows

I taught "going to a restaurant" in class this week. They loved it. I
warned them that an American Martini is NOT half vermouth with a
shot of gin or vodka. Oh hell no! They were frightened, as well they
should be.

I was in a pharmacy and saw an ad for one of those cellulite redusing
pills - the photo was a woman's ass wrapped in plastic wrap. Damn!
You have to really have to go underground to get that kind of stuff in
the USA!

It's 9:23 on Martes night. Sun's just starting to fall. I had grill cheese
and Andalucian gazpacho for dinner out on the front porch (shady). So
remarkably, I have cometh full circle.

Cast your eyes back to '88-'89 when a young college junior lived on
grilled cheese and tomato soup in a townhouse called 107. Almost 20
years ago! Sweet baby Jar Jar Binks! How does this happen, that times
vanishes?

It just does, I guess.

Sun is going down. It's blinding in the 'greenhouse' or the 'penalty box'
as Kristen and Stuart have come to call it. Kristen once locked me out
there after a particularly gassy evening.

Then the bats come. Vincent Price, kiss my ass!

The bat is the symbol of the Valencia football team, if anyone cares.

Saw the Stanley Cup started. Hockey seems so far away.

FULLY DOMESTICATED

Whew! Some shirts are a hell of a lot harder to iron than others,
probably the ones that are all cotton. Anyway, I learned that if you iron
pants inside out, they don't come out shiny. I'm learning this kind of
late in life.

10:30PM and the last traces of the day are turning the corner. Almost
dark in the west.

Listening to Green Day's American Idiot, which is a beauty.

It's been gorgeously cool, maybe 20 Celsius (maybe 68) the past few
days, and sunny all day. The sky was royal blue, it's incredible. So kiss
me one more time, Lady Spring, before your dominatrix sister,
Summer, moves in for good.

Ooh, i think i hear my laundry 'landing,' which is what it sounds like
when it spins the last cycle. It sounds like a jet going over Shea
Stadium.

Yep, the laundry hath landed.

And Miles Davis' A Tribute to Jack Johnson just came on the MP3
stereo. What a brilliant gift from Mel and Jan that was! Anyway, Miles
blows some good laundry hanging music. And...Kristen isn't in yet
from kick boxing, which is nice because I hang my stuff out her
window. It's like a commune here.

This is El Dude, reporting live from Madrid. Back to Titts McGhee in
the studio.

MORE CRAIC

Kristen just got in. A little Dominican dude in her class just carried
her boxing gloves home for her. How quaint! He's like half her size -
freaks her out. Too funny.

The fun never ends. Hard to believe I'll be gone from this flat by the
beginning of July - end of July the latest. All good things...

Time to start a hanging...

May 30
I also wound up teaching the morning students Ponce De Leon, as
they were in St. Augustine. That was fun. I remember being there as a
child and seeing the big Spanish Fort out in the water. It was amazing.

I just got done reading Jean Ure's Plague 99, another book about
human beings being annihilated by illness. Kristen is concerned for my
mental health. Interesting book, written ten years after The Stand was published,
aimed at adolescents. There's 2 more books in the series. I got it at
the British Council library.

I also just finished The Acid House by Irvine Welsh. Fantastic. One
night we all watched the movie (also from the Brit Council)
which was great. This is the movie that started us all saying 'you daft
cunt!" It was a collection of short stories by the same maniac who
wrote Trainspotting. It shows a very dark side of Scottish Society.
Horrifying and hilarious all at once.

Okay 12:30 AM and I am finally yabbered out. Time to figure out
something to teach for tomorrow.

You don't get something for nothing
You don't get freedom for free

-Rush

All in the Family

In the Circus of Becoming
it all starts with a spark
once below a time
set fire to the stars

Over the Eternal City
Somewhere between
The hills and columns
And the carcass of Rome
Alone but close to spirit
Sitting Bull says there is more

-Steve Hackett

Teaching: getting easier
El Dude's Spanish: getting better
Weather: sunnier, warmer
Madrid: wackier than ever
Stuart not cleaning or ever buying anything: getting more annoying

Well, I mentioned that Sydney's family came to visit. Don't know if
mentioned her dad got his wallet stolen? Silly him - had it in his back
pocket. Why do people never listen to us expats?

But the craziest craic of all is this:

Sydney likes this guy Scott from Philly, and he seems to like her.
However, his buddy Dave REALLY liked Sydney (unrequitted), so
he's never acted on anything. He's a friendly guy but every time I see him he's hammered, so
he doesn't always exercise the best judgement. However, hooking up
with Sydney's sister, Attalie, while she was here, can only qualify as
criminal stupidity. And her sister knew she liked him! Whew! Families
play by different rules in Texas, I guess. That's so fucked up. Makes
me feel downright regular.

Who's Your Daddy?

Dear El Dude,

I know that Darth had at least one meeting with C. Everett Coop from her hearing health days. Perchance the former surgeon general is the baby's father?

Sincerely

deafmf@schlonginmyears.com

Dear DeafMF,

Don't know how i couldn't C this. We'll get right on this.

Holiday in Scandinavia

I am the other half
And you are what I am for
I won't lie to you or hurt you
I'm not like that anymore

I am with you all the time now
One soul. One mind. One heart.
The other half cannot be parted
From the other half
From the other half

-Marillion

Mayo 25

Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm going to Denmark next
weekend on holiday. A birthday present to myself! The Martian is in
Copenhagen for work and invited me up. He has a place for me to
crash and I found a flight for 150 E, and therefore I'm on my way.

What's in Copenhagen, you ask? Good fucking question. I guess I'll
find out.

Irlanda got here yesterday. Great to see her. We went to FATIGAS DE
QUERER, her favorite restaurant whih has the best sangria. Then we
met her friend, Lenora, who also flew in from Ireland for the weekend.
Great Craic. Lenora got her purse and phone thieved on the way in
from the airport on the Metro. Such a shame-they just fucking prey on
tourists - pros they are. But she had the right attitude and we went out
and had a blast on Thurs. and Friday nights. One night we went to this
new club where the color of the walls changed on a timer (with lights,
of course). The other night,went to a place with Mojitos and great
Cubano music.

Ah, Cuba. I hear you calling. Sometime in 2008, perhaps.

Mayo 27
After a cold and rainy weekend- tis sunny and warm- but not too
warm. Just lovely. Irlanda and I are going out at 17:00 to watch
Atletico and Mallorca. Then who knows.

There are local elections in Madrid today. Just council stuff, but still
interesting.

What a year for progressive rock. The new Marillion album,
SOMEWHERE ELSE is fantastic. I get weepy at the end of the song
THE OTHER HALF, between the vocals and the soaring guitar - so
beautiful. This incarnation with Steve Hogarth on vocals is peaking I'd
say, as MARBLES was great, but dense. This is a much more inviting
sound.

So Rush, Porcupine Tree and Marillion have all clocked in with fine
albums in 2007. Is this a prog rock renasiance? I should have moved
to Europe years ago!!!!

I hope ye are well.

Mad Man Moon

Mayo 22

In the valley of shadowless death
They pray for thunder clouds and rain
But to the multitude who stand in the rain
Heaven is where the sun shines

-Genesis

Another insane thunderstorm tonight; sheets of rain, lightning, the whole magilla. Pretty cool. The flat was shaking. Kristen and I sat and watched. She's from SoCal and is unaccustomed to thunderstorms, unlike us folks who have lived in DC.

I tried to get a fan (ventilador) today at the 'Chino,' what they call the "One Euro stores" that have everything from tools to detergent to bad home decorations, because they are always owned by Chinese people. They are just racist as hell here.

Well, they have almost everything. She told me they wouldn't have fans for another week or so. It's 31 Celsius some days. Are you kidding me? What does it have to reach, 45? It's the third one i've been to. At least tonight is cool.

Life flies by. I hang my laundry out - I bring it in. Monday's here and then the weekend's here. Then it's the weekend and that disappears too. Crazed. The 5th moon since I got to Spain began the other day. It's just a sliver but soon it will be as big as a La Liga Football in the sky.

There was a big bang the other night and then a fire across the street. It wasn't too big but we could see it in the alley from the back of the flat. The firemen got there pretty quick, but someone had already put it out with an extinguisher as it was so small. There were like a dozen fireman there for three hours! Everything is so half-assed here. They're quarter-assed even.

I saw that the Ottawa Senators finally got to the Stanley Cup Final. I don't really miss hockey. The NHL really fucked up with the strike. I got too used to it not being around. I'd watch it if I was home, but don't really care now that I am here.

La Liga is really exciting this year. Barca and Real Madrid are tied at the top with three games to go. Every game is huge.

And even after their drubbing on Sunday, Atletico Madrid is still in the last UEFA cup spot, but they need to play well down the stretch to keep it.

But I do miss baseball. I see the Mets are on fire. Sweet! The Nats suck, no surprise. And the Yankees blow so far (woo woo!)

I had gazpacho out a carton the other day. They sell it here like orange juice. I know it sounds treasonous but it wasn't half bad. Kristen and I had bread, soup, asparagus and zuccini. Best meal i've had in a while.

I enjoy watching the sunsets from the greenhouse over the mountains. That I will miss when I leave this place.

Mayo 23

Taught Rush's 2112 and Ayn Rand today. Their heads were spinning but we did have some good conversations about whether free societies are REALLY free or not. It was great. The press is really biased here. There's a big daily newspaper for you whether you are left right or center, just like the US, I guess.

I'll give them something easy on Monday to reward them. But it was great fun, walking back and forth across the front of the classroom barking:

We are the Priests of the Temple of Syrinx
Our great computers fill the hallowed halls

I mean, how cool is that?

Situation Dangerous

Phrasal verbs are difficult becuase they have a slang meaning very different from the meaning of the infinitive verb. So I was teaching them on Lunes and we came to 'zip up.' I explained, but one lady wasn't sure and nobody had anything with a zipper. That was until she reaches into her lap, pulls the cloth flap off of her fly, points to her crotch and says "Ese?" (this?). I almost fell over. She was pointing to her cooch in front of the whole class. They're not very modest here.

"Yes," I said, and skipped right over 'unzip,' which was next in my notes.

Squid Attack

I'm testing like a mad man at Banesto right now. So before group B began, I was photocopying their progress test. It comes right out of the book. But the copier broke down after one copy and I needed five.

Now I'll preface this by saying that my Spanish has really taken off in the past week. I also happened to notice that my hair is now pretty damn long. It seems that the longer my hair gets, the more my Spanish improves. Remarkable!

However, I may now know just enough to be a danger to myself and others.

Copiers in Spain are no better than in the North East. There was a diagram over on the left screen, saying I should check compartment 1 and 2. Then the read out says OPEN PART 2, REMOVE PART 1, SHAKE PART 1, RETURN PART 1, CLOSE PART 2.

I'm thinking, this makes no sense. After five minutes of probbing it like I'm a surgeon with a scalpel, I locate part 2. I open it and see that part 1 is the Cartridge. Okay, I think. I understand now what shaking it will do. So I give it a good healthy frigging shake. But maybe it didn't say shake. As I'm in mid-shake, I see a hole in the cartridge.

Oh bugger!

I am inked, the copier is inked, as well as the floor, my pants and the brand new polo shirt I bought on Monday because I had so few shirts that I felt like Homer Simpson.

By some metaphysical miracle, the pants were black and the shirt was black with pink stripes. All the same, I was a goddamned mess. It was on my hands and arms. It was on my cheek, my ear, my glasses and in my hair. And I still had a very important test to administer which they needed to pass in order to go on to the next level. !Que bummer!

Took a good twenty minutes to clean myself up. Then I had to go to Ingnacci (in-ya-kee) , my main contact at Banesto, and ask him to send a maintenance person up there. He was laughing like hell.

"You need a bath!"

"Es Verdad." He's a good man, fun guy to work with. You need a sense of humor trying to teach people English this freaking fast.

But they are learning. Much to my amazement. It's very cool.

So I got cleaned up, adminstered the test, went home, told Kristen the story (as she is my fashion consultant) and threw my clothes into the washer with a cubic liter of color safe bleach and detergent. Now we just hope the angel of death passeth over my new shirt.
Either way, I expect to make a full recovery.

The Jay Effect

Essentially, this is the natural laws which says that when I wear a new piece of clothing for the first time, it may take a hell of a beating.
Example - countless spills of pasta sauce, red wine, other people's blood and snot, my own blood and snot, dog shit, bird shit and the gran daddy of them all, the time i got a flat and had to change it on 11th Ave. in Manhattan and got grease all over my brand new teal suit. What goes through my mind when I think of it now is: why the fuck did I have a teal suit! The 90's were frightful days indeed.

And through the wire, we will walk

-Peter Gabriel

Mayo 24

Welcome to Mega-blog entry, a special double-episode, where the copy grows like a water balloon.

Just saw Liverpool lose to AC Milan in the Champions League Final. First time I've ever watched one of these at night, live. If it's live on the East Coast, it's like 3 pm. Hee hee, Europe is cool.

It's nice and cool. I had a light jacket on. Soon we'll be roasting but it's been very nice this week.
More lightning tonite. I hung out my pants and shirt from today's squid attack on the line and they survived! That's sweet. I have too few clothes as it is.

Back in DC, I have more clothes than any human being should be allowed to wear. I could probably wear only soccer jerseys for a month! Obscene. We live soooooooooooooooooo cushy in the US. But who would want to give all that up. Tis' a difficult topic?

I have lived in the 3rd World (developing nation is so much more PC, but that's all it is), let's call Spain the NEW 2nd World, and the blessed 1st World. The times I have been the happiest are when things are copasetic INSIDE ME. It has nothing to do with the material things around me. In fairness, I've always had my first two or three bottom rungs of Maslov's HIERARCHY OF NEEDS covered. Things would be fuck all different if I hadn't.

Live and learn - learn and live. Pat Smith and I, on one of our late night wandering sessions over brook and through forest in the wilds of western Connecticut, came up with theory on life, that I still believe still holds true.

He and Laura were expecting their first, Brendan (who's a delightful little scamp!). We were sitting on railroad tracks. It was like STAND BY ME.

But we figured that if you could learn something new and remarkble every day, you'd be psyched. Like a child. The phrase we came up with was "Every day a wonder." It's a sweet way to look at things, certainly. Every now and again , we say it to each other.

Ahhhhh...the weight of years. They hang on us like ever growing bed sheets on the line. Or bloated grapes on a vine.

But when you've been good friends with someone for THAT long...you have a lot of shared history. It makes the fact that I'm not a kid anymore okay - to have friends like that.

But it doesn't mean that you love them so much that you can't give their kids lacrosse sticks so that they can beat on one another. Now THAT's a good time.

Football, Sightseeing and Racism

you can almost feel the current flowing
you can almost see the ciruits blowing

-Rush

Sabado, Mayo 19

For the first time since i got here over 4 months ago, i finally got out of Madrid. The planned trip to Cadiz with Stuart in the south got rained out. The trip to Cordoba with Patricia went up in smoke. We tried to go to the mountains but it was over a two hour bus ride to go 50 km and it didn't even drop us that close to where we wanted to go. But alack, my fourth attempt was successful.

I went to Toledo today with Kristen and Sydney ( her family in from Waco, Texas) and it was just awesome. It's such an old city - it's amazing. The entire city is walled in, or was, in case they were under attack. Knights in armor on horseback, we're talking here. Amazing.
And the little back streets go on forever, each one completely unique. Cobblestone, balconies, beautiful stuff. I'll have to go back soon. It's only an hour by bus, a really comfortable one at that, for like 8 Euro.

Toledo has a beautiful river to. The city provides some great views as it's a higher elevation than Madrid.

I also got to see the end of the FA Cup Final between Chelsea and Manchester United. The little bar was packed and Chelsa won at the end of extra time, 1-0, and a beautiful goal by Drogba. Great fun! I fucking hate Manchester United. So it was a tremendous day.

And what else?

Spain is still batshit. Great fun but almost impossible to understand. Or rather, hard to believe how strange they are.

The food starting to wear on me a bit. You can't buy a beef steak anywhere here. They seem to have NO beef. And the fish isn't great. Okay but not great. I hear the fish down south is delicious. Maybe I will still look into heading south to Sevilla or Malaga. It was nice to be in a traditional Spanish City - what you think of when you picture spain. Madrid is big and varied.

I 've lived outsdie of Metropolis' my whole life (NYC, Kingtson Jamaica, DC) but never actually in one. The air was so fresh in Toldeo. It was nice.

Toledo is famous for its steel, so i got a sweet pocket knife, something i needed. Always good to have a knife handy, always.

So it's 1 AM, Sunday now. A rare Saturday in bed before 4 AM. I think we're going to watch a Rugby match tomorrow, a team Stuart wants to join next year, so that should be fun.
And then the big Atletico Madrid - Barcelona game. The bars will be packed, more because Real Madrid is tied with Barcelona for the league title with like 4 games left and their fans will be out. It's the nationally televised game at 21:00.

I hear thunder. It was over 30 degrees Celsius today. The sun was intense. This is going to be the hottest summer I've had to deal with since Jamaica. So it goes.

Stuart came in to say that i should unplug my laptop. The we went out to the "greenhouse", off the kitchen, to watch the lightning. Flashes and streaks, lightning fingering as it hits from about three miles away. It was unbelievable. I love lightning storms.

Domingo Noche Mayo, 20

I never meant to be so bad to you

-Asia

Atletico got smoked by Barcelona. It was like a shooting gallery; 5-0 when i left. Ooch.

There are times when I feel like Madrid is a big spoiled chicken leg, rotting on the bone. They're so dense and so racist.

I walked into a new bar around the corner: Hobbes. Been there maybe four times in the month or so it's been open. It's crowded because Real Madrid is the 17:00 game against Recreativo (Real won 3-2 in the 90th minute after blowing a 2-0 lead!). You walk in and the bar is at the back, with bar stool seating against the wall to the left and the right of the bar. There was room to the right (a la derecha) where the owner, Luis, usually hangs out. I walk in, put my paragauas (umbrella) under the stool and notice this really thick dude, but not so tall, staring at me. He says something utterly unitelligable and extends his left hand. I extend my right. He grunts and shakes his left hand around. I turn my right hand upside down to shake his left. More grunts and a shaking of the left hand. I finally extned my own left. He takes it, and while looking at me, proceeds to squeeze at pressure points like he's going to break it.

"What the hell?" I say, and pull it out of his grasp.

"No, no, no," he says, and starts flaps his right mit. I take it with my right and he tries to crush it again, so I pull it away and say "Enough of you."

He's staring at me the whole 3 minutes I'm watching the game. He's piss drunk, and may just be scumbag enough to hit me when I'm not looking. So, I look at him straight on. He rears back and throws a mock punch and mumbles. Nobody at the bar says anything. Obviously they couldn't couldn't give a shit about building a clientelle as a new bar.

"Obviously I'm not welcome here," I say in English and pick up my umbrella. "...You racist bastard." Then I look him in the eye and say "Fuck you" and walk out. Even Spanish speakers understand that.

I had my Washington Capitals waterproof on and a Nats hat, so it was kind of obvious I was American. They are so racist here it's unbelievable. They REALLY think Spain is the best country in the world. It's the new Second World: lazy fucking capitalism- guzling down the previous years' wine while today's grapes die on the vine. This country is so fucked in 40 years.

Oh well, como Espana.

So I went to this place I like, the Remonta Bar. They're starting to know me there from going every Sunday. The bartender is a Dominican and a good guy. I ordered a copa de rioja and he asked "Tu quieres una hamburguesa con los todos (hamburger with everything)," which is what i got the last time.

"Si, gracias."

It's nice to feel like they give a goddamn you are patronizing their restaurant.
But the workers don't own the restaurant so they could care. Kristen and I waited 20 minutes last night in a pizza place before they even took our drink order. Such is Spain.

I need to go South, methinks. I need sea and surf.

I later saw the drunkard who liked to hold my hand, staggering the middle of Calle Bravo Murillo, trying to hail a cab. He almost got clipped by a car. He noticed me and turned to look at me. "Fuck you!" I yelled. He staggered back into the street. Nice life.

WHO'S YOUR DADDY?

Still trying to discover who Annie's dad is. This entry comes from Girlyman202@biteme.com:

Dear El Dude,

She was in California, right? I therefore think the father must be the Governator; Arnold Schwartzenegger.

Thanks Girlyman202. We'll look into it.

Carnival

I've walked these streets
In a carnival
Of sights to see
All the cheap thrill seekers
The vendors & the dealers
They crowded around me
-Natalie Merchant

here again. Time is absolutely flying. Raining here. No biggie - at least it cooled off. I had a blog written on my laptop but I don´t have that with me. I was watching Real Madrid at one bar and then decided to hit the Internet before the big Atletico - Barca game at 21:00. So this is spotaneous. Impromtu. Live.

It was cloudy most of today and I spent a goodly chunk of time going through lessons 1 and 2 of the Rosetta Stone software that the Tietjens gave me as a going away present. It´s great. Thanks for the very nice present (they all must have been REALLY excited to see me go!!). Since I haven´t yet been able to find a Spanish Language school with night hours, I´ll just start pounding away at the software. I really need to be able to converse with these freaks over here.

All else is good. I dream of fresh vegetables. I dream of playing all day with your kids and then handing them back to you. I dream of Frippy. I dream of good service at a restaurant. I dream of snow. I dream of barbecued food.

Como España

SOME IS RICH, AND SOME IS POOR
THAT'S THE WAY THE WORLD IS
BUT I DON'T BELIEVE IN LYING BACK
SAYlN' HOW BAD YOUR LUCK IS

SO WE CAME TO JAZZ IT UP
WE NEVER LOVED A SHOVELBREAK YOUR
BACK TO EARN YOUR PAY
AN' DON'T FORGET TO GROVEL

THE OLD MAN SPOKE UP IN A BAR
SAID I NEVER BEEN IN PRISON
A LIFETIME SERVING ONE MACHINE
IS TEN TIMES WORSE THAN PRISON

-the Clash


Well, we've had hot water again for a while, but then the hose split that goes up to the shower head. I´ve been 3 places and can´t find one long enough. The old one has no pressure and sprays everywhere -the new one dribbles when it´s in its holder, and then goes off like a pinwheel firework when you put it down in the tub. Kristen will call our landlord today. He´s fat, smells like ham and is not so bright. Such is Spain.

Just a quick note to say hey. I´m working at Banesto right now. Cheers!

Sound Check

I know it's most unusual
To come before you so
But I've found an ancient miracle
I thought that you should know
Listen to my music
And hear what it can do
There's something here as strong as life
I know that it will reach you

-Rush

Hello People in Bloggaria!

Just a quick check in. Mum gets real nervous if I don't post a few blogs a week. Her first question to Mel is always "Do you think he's dead?"

To which the Seester replies: "Not my brother. Only the good die young."

Yesterday was the Feast Day of San Isidro. We went to the parc named after him last night. There were all these old folks and children dressed in traditional dress. It was really cool. Very Spanish. Dancing, eating, drinking. Will post the picks when I can. Just a great time, sitting in the sun, listening to music and watching the dancing.

Finished THE STAND. Amazing. King really is a great writer. Scary stuff. I may have more nightmares for another week, but it was worth it.

The new Rush and Porcupine Tree albums are just outrageous. It may turn out to be a banner year for prog rock. Marillion just released a new one and Dream Theater has one coming in June.

Kristen has gotten into both Porcupine Tree and Marillion. Oh yes! The spread of progressive rock is insidious!

Going down to the J&J bar to get another cheap English novel!

I also just sent my CV to a school in Ireland. They have immigrants coming out their ass who need to learn English. I'm going to try and teach for the month of July or so. Then back to the States for holiday.

That's all ....folks! And remember, that which passes, passes like clouds.

Listening to

Doors - LA Woman
Ozric Tentacles - the Hidden Step
John Paul Jones - Zooma
Gordian Knot (first album)
Neil Young - Greendale
Grateful Dead - American Beauty


We also did Stairway to Heaven again in a class, as well as a few Liz Phair songs with my all women class in the AM: 6 foot 1, Help Me Mary, Please and the Divorce Song. They went bonkers over the Divorce Song. Seems like everyone has had an argument with their lover on a long road trip at one time or another.

Day in, Day out

She carries me
Through days of apathy
She washes over me
She saved my lifein a manner of speaking
when she gave me back
the power to believe
-King Crimson

Hola!
Reporting live from Madrid here, where the people are mired in yet
another holiday: San Isidro: patron saint of Madrid. So just how many
holidays are there? No one knows. The holiday is on May 15th and is
another Madird only holiday.

But I don't get paid when i don't work and it's the 3rd this month.But
I'll be fine.

Get this. The legend of San Isidro claims that the fountain in the park
named after him contained holy water that what cure whatever ails
you. So every March 15th, the people lined up to drink from the
fountain.

But the fountain is well water. It took the geniuses decades to
discover that the runoff came from the hill and that there was a
cemetary on the hill. UGGGGHHHHH! Welcome to Spain.
The miracle, they claim, is that no one got sick from this contaminated
water. Miracle or not, it's disgusting.

They now drink bottled water.

Madrid is growing and building at some pace. At least ten new Metro
stops have been added since i arrived. And then there's those three
giant towers to the north that they are building. The park we go to all
the time is brand new too. And beautiful.

The gals (Kristen and Syd) decided to have a picnic in the park on Sat.
so Stuart and I joined them: champagne, strawberries, oranges,
semi-cured cheese and fresh bread. It was about 73 degrees. It was
awesome.

It's half eight. I hear the birds outside, circling the quad. They fly
around other buildings to, as the sun begins to set.

Then the bats take over when its dark. The fly around the quad like
drunken skateboarders, barely missing buildings and poles. Oh well. I
guess they know how to get along just fine. I like to watch them.
What else? I have been involved in a torrid love affair with Stephen
King's The Stand. I got it at the J&J bar / used book store. I also got
the uncut addition, so it's almost 1200 pages! I have about 400 to go.
But Stephen King novels go down like coffee and chocolate, so it's a
fast read. Thanks all you people who told me I should read it someday,
especially Kevin. It'a tremendous read. Every time I read a Stephen
King novel, I'm amazed at what a great writer he is.

Work is fine. Life is fine. Summer is here to stay. Need to buy a fan
tomorrow.

No AC. No diswasher. No Cable. No TV. No worries!

It's an existence kind of like the survivors in The Stand. Except that
Randall Flagg isn't crucifying people to the west of Boulder.

That's good.

Speaking of crucifixion, it seems that this divorce thing is going to
take a while. Darth has pleasantly informed me that she is very busy as
"babies are a lot of work - continuous."
No shit. I have no children (praise Jah!) and I could have told her that.
But Annie seems to be doing fine. She calls Fripp the First Responder
her because he runs into the room the minute she starts to cry. That's
my boy!

He also likes to sleep on Annie's changing table. I suggested she pick
her battles carefully. Otherwise he's been awesome with the baby, as I
figured he would. He loves humans. Just loves them.

And I'll get my lawyer to attempt to speed stuff up.

I have work until the end of July, but I only have our place til the end
of June. Oh well. I'll figure something out.

Then a holiday for the month of August on the East Coast. Yeeeee
Hooooo. I can't wait to see all of your ugly mugs and shake your
flippers! I will give you my North American tour dates when I know
them. I know I'll be playing several dates in the Constitution State,
NYC, The Mother Land (NJ), Virginia, DC and Maryland. Then back
to Madrid. Back to teaching. Back to mine self-imposed exile.

It's been great. Stupid fucking Napoleon. He'd probably still be alive if
he had stayed on Elba.

I am in our little "Green House," a sun room off the kitchen that
provides glorious sunsets. It looks to the west and the mountains.

Gorgeous.

Once it sets, I'll go to the Locutorio and post this to zee web.
Now it's 9:38 and it's dusk. It's so freaking weird to have it be so light
in May. It's been this way since daylight savings began.

Here come the bats! Hello my little rabid fur balls. Fly my pretties!
Fly!

Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms out there, including my very
own. Happy day Mum. It's like i've known you forever!

I can now start to see the lights starting to glow in the shadows of the
mountains.

Our band is coming together - maybe. We have a lead singer, Ashley, a
guitarist, Juan. And me.

And we play shit you'd never imagine El Dude playing in a million
years: Sweet Home Alabama included. We play Zombies by the
Cranberries, which Ashley just kills. Also Strong enough to be your
Man, by Sheryl Crow, Bonnie Raits Let's Give 'em something to talk
about, and Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time. Not really raging drum
songs, but I get to play. I play this fast beat to the Lauper tune, almost
like a drum machine - Eek! But it keeps me from getting bored. I need
to find a good prog rock band.

I had some paella for lunch and tried to watch the Atletico game, but it
wasn't on. I guess it was only pay per view. But I believe they won.

Been Listening to:
Rush - Snakes and Arrows
Porcupine Tree - Fear of a Blank Planet
Porcupine Tree - Recordings
Marillion - Marbles
Blind Faith (extended deluxe edition)
Lou Reed - New York
Robin Trower - Bridge of Sighs
Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon (as well as my students)

Is that it? I guess so. Have a good night and a pleasant tomorrow.

Dildos and Tennis Balls

Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up

-Roger waters


Hello my dear blog-ees! Que tal?

I have been here 4 moons. Time she passes quickly. Rapidamente. Fucking fast.

This was a holiday week: May 1 and 2. Weird week.

NINETEEN EIGHTY-FOUR
I saw Patricia on Wed. (Miercoles) night. She was pretty icy. Strange chick. All because of that misunderstanding, i guess.

The following are actual quotes from Patrica on May 2, 2007, recorded between the hours of 11:00 PM and 1:07 AM on May 3rd.

I don't like my hair, i think it's too yellow.

I have Saturday off. Yes, I already have plans.

Kristen looks like Che Guevera.

He (Jay) can't understand Spanish.

I understand how being blown off works. I don't understand why she died her hair with blonde highlights. Maybe that's what she did on Tuesday when she was done cutting herself on the inner thigh. I don't like people to talk smack about Kristen, but she can handle herself (She wanted to kick box Patricia's ass when I told her).
However, nobody, and I mean NOBODY disses my Spanish. I soon after said good-bye, walked Comet Girl (my friend Haley - another teacher) to the Metro, and went home.

I showed her too. We were all at Aeria. These two skinny Spanish guys (queens - I'm sure) heard us speak English. They were with a gal from San Fran and started talking to us. I used a Spanish phrase (I guess) and they were like "You speak Spanish?"

"Un poquito" I said.

That's when Patricia ran her smack about my Spanish. I then proceeded to talk to them in Spanish for maybe ten minutes, with some English thrown in for extra flava.

The next day I 1984'ed her ass. I made her an "unperson" and erased her from the annals of history: my cell phone.

See you in hell, bitch. I'm done with psychopaths.

MUSICA PARA MIS OJETAS
Have listened to both the new Rush and Porcupine Tree albums. Both these groups take repeated listening just to figure out what the hell is going on. I like them both so far.

RUSH - Snakes and Arrows
Rush sounds closer to modern King Crimson with every album. It's very layered and sonic and benefits from head phones. 3 instrumentals! Oh joy oh rapture! Hope is a 2 minute acoustic Alex piece. I like what I have heard so far. As opposed to Vapor Trails, this one has keyboards, used pretty well, I'd say.

PORCUPINE TREE - Fear of a Blank Planet
Sprawling and jagged, yet textured and beautiful. This is a band pretty much at their peak, like Rush in the late 70's - early 80's. Great stuff.

MAYDAY!
May 1 is International Workers Day. There were demonstrations that turned into riots very quickly in this one neighborhood. Three groups protested: Communists, Socialists and the Anarchists. A lot of people were hurt and they put up triage centers and makeshift medical tents. Over 60 people were injured.

That night, Stuart, Kristen and I met Laura and her posse at Aeria. Stuart hardly goes out and wanted to go dancing at 3:30 when Aeria closed. I said sure - i still had the energy to boogie and take in some eye candy.

We walked from Chueca to Sol and were on Gran Via (10 minute walk). This was away from the riot area. There were police blocking of certain roads and just standing around as a presence. We heard a couple of bangs, which we thought were fireworks, and the occassional assholes running.

We were up on Gran Via when two big paddy wagons roll across Gran Via from a side street. They're about to block our way and their in full riot gear, even the face shields down. We go to the corner to cross Gran Via and get out of their way.

The cops then crossed the street towards us and start yelling. Whatever it was, it was unitelligable (I know all the words for 'go' and 'move on' and 'get the fuck out of here'). They were very fucking angry. We both raised our hands.

"Yo soy Irlanda," Stuart said. (I'm from Ireland).

"Habla ingles." (Speak English, or we are English speakers).

This one little sawed-off cop yells something unitelligable. I don't know what it was, but I saw the hate in his eyes. We back up. I don't know if the hate was because we spoke English or because he had bad hemoroids. He swung his baton towards my left leg.

"Oh shit," I thought. "Here comes that broken hip I didn't think I'd see til I was 67."

That second took forever. His eyes were bright with rage and malice. We had done nothing. I'll never forget that look. Blind malevolence.

"You wreckless chicken-shit...," I thought, "..That you're so willing to do me possible irrevocable physical harm . You're a disgrace."

I swung my left arm down to block the baton. Instinct. Better to break an arm then have your vital organs busted. The night stick hit me in the side of the leg and my ass. It hurt, but there was no explosion of pain.

"Hey hey, que paso!" we screamed.

He hit me again.

Stuart is a rugby player: 6'3, 190, with like 3 percent body fat. He was ready to throw down when they hit me.

But these guys had shields, night sticks, guns, face shields, etc.

I looked up at Stuart and gave him the eye. "This is a fight we can't win, boy. Walk away. Live to fight another day." He desisted.

I guess they wanted us to run, maybe. We backed up and started to jog away. Luckily, the baton was just a rubber thing. It was like and industrial strength fly swatter.

A few guys screaming obscenities (Hijo de puta!) ran by us and another bunch of cops in yellow riot gear caught up with us two blocks later. We were halfway down the street when they blocked it off. We turned around. They were firing blanks into the air. I walked over to the sidewalk near buildings for some cover. Stuart brazenly kept to the middle of the street. We both agreed we shouldn't run as we hadn't done anything and didn't want to look guilty. There was an enormous bang. Then an "OW" followed by a cackling laugh, "You fucking pussies! They shot me!" he said. Then he laughed.

"What?" It was all shadows and I couldn't see much.

"They shot me with a plastic bullet!"

Hoder! Plastic bullets are no laughing matter. They can kill you just like lead ones when they strike the right place.

"Wait. I think I see it!" He runs. "Yes. I got it. Woo hoo!"

I was utterly confused. He sound okay, though. And then he showed me the bullet that was the size of a tennis ball. It was hard and yellow and looked like a hockey ball, made not to bounce.
And that's how I knew he was alright.

The Metro was shut and there was no chance of getting a taxi with the riot going on, so we went to a club til the Metro reopened at 6AM.

It turns out that the we were in a different riot. Ours involved a bunch of youths that were drinking beer outside in a park near the Tribunal Metro. They were protesting the 'botella' law, prohibiting you from drinking beer outside.

People still do it all the time. It's just that these kids haven't caught on that it's you attract a lot more attention when there are 500 of you.

So they sent in the cops to break it up.

It was so obvious Stuart and I were innocent. It's a tourist area. All the bars were letting out. He just didn't care who he hit. I'll never forget that fucker's face. Heaven help him if I ever get him in an empty barn with a cattle prod.

All that matters is we're both fine. I have a bruise on my leg and left ass cheek (looks like a hickie!), but I'll live.

Wrong place, wrong time. Goddamn. Story of my life. But makes for terriffic blogging!

I'm fine, Mom. I Swear! Good thing they only arm the riot police with dildos and tennis balls!

DIA EL NINO
We woke up to a carnival setting up outside on Bravo Murillo. It was a street fair to celebrate the Day of the Child.

Kristen, Stuart and I observed by celebrating the fact that we have no children!!!!!

I thought it was Mother's Day and tried to call Mom, but she didn't answer. I then called Mel, to see if Mom was there, who informed me I was a week early. I think I almost gave her a heart attack because she thought something was wrong. Sorry Seester!

So I went to a pub, had an empanada and watched Athletico Madrid get pummeled by Espanol. I later saw Real Madrid come from behind to beat Sevilla 3 - 1 and take sole possession of second place. Barcelona is still in first. The restaurant I was in exploded with cheers for each goal. Great atmosphere. Little old guys with their canes, flat hats and ties screaming "Hijo de puta!" It just reminds me of Sunday somehow.

SHADOWS OF THE EMPIRE

Well, I got word from Darth the other day that no one, not even Annie, will ever know who the baby's father is.

I said, "Great. Create your own John Irving Novel. All those characters are all so happy. I'm sure that's not going to mess her up at all."

Garp, Cider house Rules, Owen Meany - all those stories are just a laugh riot. Oh well.

So we're going to start a game here called WHO'S YOUR DADDY - where we try to guess who poor Annie's father is. Please send your entries to krcfjg333@gmail.com. The winner gets an all expenses paid trip to the Crab Nebula.

Today's entry:

Frozen Pop (picture at top)

Trabajando Dia

They used to call him Jimmy the Saint because he went spent some time in seminary school. But back in the day, he was the bitches' bastard!

- Old man in malt shop
Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead

Today is worker's day. You need to move here. Every time a pigeon takes a dump it's a holiday.

I am downloading the new Porcupine Tree and Rush Albums respectively from the Irish Rover Bar, watching Liverpool/Chelsea in the Champions League Semi-finals.

I was supposed to be in Cordoba (instead of Sevilla) with Patricia, but alack, I am a freak magnet. It's nice for stories but bad for meeting women.

Here's the craic:

She asks me to go with her to Sevilla on Wed. El Dude say 'Sure."

Sunday: Cordoba is closer. She calls to say she has the tickets reserved, but we have to meet tomorrow (Lunes) at 8:45 at the Atoche train station to pay and pick them up. Okay-Spain is inefficient. I get it. I say I'll see her tomorrow night.

Stuart's Mum and Sis had been staying with us since Thursday. It was 1 am on lunes and my phone charger was in the living room where Stuie was sleeping. I wake up monday and charge my phone. I left it, but no one calls me between 8:30 and 10:30. I'm in class.

Then I go to try and give my time sheet in to the school i quit. They are closed. Morons! Then I send the onesy to Annie via post and that takes forever. The daft cunt claimed to not understand my Spanish when I know I had the right words.

"Packet postal!" I say, trying to buy an enevelope, which for reasons unknown, is under plastic security glass like it's a Rolex. I even tell him it's amarillo (yellow). If you think civil servents in DC act entitled, you should see Spain.

Finally he opens the safe to get me an envelope and says "Por este?" (for this) and points to the onesy.

"No, you fucking epsilon minus- semi-moron, for the elephant I have outside! Better yet, give me a really small packet postal too, so I can mail your balls back to you!"

Then I get coffee and a danish and the guy behind the counter tells me I should use a plate (you buy the danish at a different counter).

"Then give me one, imbecile!" God forbid you should have to wipe the counter after a customer eats.

I get home to a text message sent at 8:45 - i'll see you in 15 minutes- Patricia

Shit! she meant 8:45 AM. I know I told her i work then!

I call her- no answer as she's at the hospital. I text her explaining.

I get a text back at 3:30 - I'm doing some stuff while the class is working alone for 5 minutes:

The tickets are gone by now. I made other plans for tomorrow. Maybe next time. Sorry.

Now, she only gets off at 3pm. She said they may sell out, but why did make other plans? How did she make other plans so fast, while in the emergency room? Why didn't she say AM? Half the people here don't wake up til noon?

I was bummed, looking forward to spending the day with her and getting to know her. She asked me to go!

So I called, she explained that she had told me we needed to pick them up within 24 hours, but she never said AM. I said "see you tomorrow night." Her English accent is weird, and she was rushed as her phone was almost out of credit. I guess it was lost in translation. But she never even called me from the train station when i didn't show.

This is a two day holiday, so i ask if she can get together Monday night or Wed. She says she has plans the rest of the holiday, and all day Tues. "I'll just see you at JJ's on Wed night."

Weird.

I was bummed, all daydreams of a romantic day in Cordoba roasted to a cinder on my mental barbecue. I finished work and told Kristen when I got in, my main reference source on woman, how-to-dress, and what-smells-bad-and what-doesn't.

"Freak," She says. "Jay, you know she doesn't have plans tomorrow. She's going to stay home and cut herself on the inner thighs with a razor."

Hmmmm. Never thought of that. Sure, why not. She's a doctor. She can heal herself up without infecting.

Not sure if I'll go to JJ's tomorrow. She seems a bit tweeked. I've already done crazy - and I'm so over it. In the words of Pink Floyd, Run like Hell.

So here I am, downloading music, talking to you. Not bad at all. It's freezing today. God fucking hates the Spanish and they always have awful weather on the holidays.

Other than that, everything is great. Work is good, life is good. Our kitchen is clean.

Okay- now iTunes is saying I can't convert the music files. Makes no sense at all. Just one of those weeks, i guess. Fuck it. Rock on Brothers and Sisters! Rock out naked to Pink Floyd's Animals, dancing on an awning, covered in strawberry jam!!!