Virus!!!!!!!

fucking hell
-El dude


Tried to upload the new mammoth blog entry but Maria´s computer says my jump drive has a virus (Veee-rus aas the Spanish say). So we´ll have to wait for that. But i am alive for all of you wondering. May have picked up the virus at the local locutorio. Who knows?

Meanwhile, the meds my mother sent sit hopelessly in customs since early monday morning. Five days later and no one has contacted me, and even with Maria´s help, we can´t even get a phone number to call and tell them i need for Monday! I have contacted the local post, Correos, and no one can help. Give silent thanks for the crazy but efficient United States.

Not to mention, this same package has now made 3 trips across the Atlantic. Mom first tried to send through United Parcel. They accepted it in the US when they did not have permission to deliver in Spain. Loco!!!! And I called them before they ever contacted me! You need to use the local post office through the US postal service and Correos here. Instead of just sending to Correos, they insisted it go back to America!

And now it sits in Barajas airport 15 km away, and i have no way to get it until they decide, of their own benevolence, to call me.

The true virus here is laziness. That and no one gives a shit. Incredible but true. The last time Mel sent a package overnight, it was caught in customs for 7 weeks!!!!!!

And me- i just go with the flow. There´s no other options anyway. Buen fin de semana!!!!!

Someday i will kill you all
-El Dude

Late Night with el Dude

Well, the crazy Giants game last night. It included the Madrid derby (Real Madrid beat Atleti 2-0), Patriot game, and then the NY -GB game! But it ended at 4:30 am Oi! The Superbowl is going to be a bitch. But it was worth every moment of lost sleep. I cancelled my 8 am classs and did not work til 1;30pm, which was sweet. The football gods watched over me as two other classes were cancelled but i get paid!!!!!

below is some stuff i wrote but could not post til now when i found my jump drive!!!

Why should i care
why should i care?
-The Who

2:26 am 14 de Enero

Just got back from having the Giants redeem the football weekend. I don't know how they did it, especially with Coughlin's play calling conservative enough to make the Catholic church look like a bunch of gang bangers, but they did.

They may get dismantled next week, but so be it. Playing with house money dawg! Let it all ride on the green 00.

0:32 16 de Enero

Not having the Internet is a bitch. Time goes and incidents occur. How do I know it really happens if i don't blog it? It's the modern dilemma – i think therefore i get spam.

Does anybody here remember Vera Lynn?

I think not.

Otherwise, life rolls on. I picked up two hours and lost two. I step forward, one step back. La Profesora is well. It's cold and damp – only like freezing at night, but the humidity makes it feel colder. The Madrilenos act like its a new ice age.

I cleaned the Spare Oom and it is now suitable for human beings to hang out in. This way there's a late night room, as i've had people here late 2x and woke Nikos up 2x – his bedroom wall is against the salon. This front room has my room as a buffer. I am also in the midst of a laundry siege – machines here have enough room to fit three grapefruits – that's it. So with my backup from the holidays, never be home to wash clothes (it takes two hours to wash – how do we do it in 45 minutes in the US – are we that more savvy? I just don't know. Then you need to hang dry it indoors. It takes some planning.

It's not that funny, is it?
This happened, word for word – syllable for syllable.

One of my students works for AIG here in Madrid. He is in marketing. He showed me a new watch and said, “From my company, for Navidades. All of the mens get one.”

“Nice. What did the women get?

“A nigger.”

“Pardona?”

“A nigger.” And here he made the universal fucky – fucky motion (as defined by the Geneva Convention) with his elbows and hips. “To fuck!” Here he started laughing.

While jarring, i took that it was a joke, meaning that the black guy would have a big dick and the ladies would be appreciative.

Of course, this would not fly in America. At least not in corporate America or the Northeast.

He laughed and laughed. It also begged the question – do Spanish guys have little schlongs Could this be why a big dick is considered the ideal Xmas present for a professional women?

I asked Maria about it, if in her opinion this guy was a crazy racist or if this was just culturally normal. She said it was quite normal and that it was mild as to what i may hear.

-

Another race note, when we were watching the parade for the celebration of the three kings, the black guy was a white guy painted black.

“I never understand this,” Maria said. “Why not just get a black man?”

One possible answer: When I was watching the Seahawks beat the Redskins, I met an Australian guy who loved American football. He told me that he saw kids in a line waiting to sit on the lap of the two white kings while no one was on the lap of the black king – a true black man.

Now I understand how Spanish fans threw bananas at opposing black players during 2006 world cup qualifying. Loco to say the least.

Un mundo sin tetas no hay paradise

(A world without tits can never be paradise)

This was the actual name of a TV program on Sunday. Maria and I never got to watch as just the title alone was enough to spur us on to other things.

Rascar mi culo

My Spanish has taken a small leap this week with me suddenly understanding more than ever. I now know how to say “Scratch my ass” (rascar mi culo) which makes me prouder than i can say.

All i ever wanted
was to know that you were dreaming...
Sarah

-Fleetwood Mac

Atleti plays tomorrow in the 2^nd leg of the Copa del Rey vs. Valloladid (I was at the 1st leg last Thurs.). As long as they score at least one goal, even a draw will get them through to the next round (away goal rule).

1:33

Laundry is hung in the Spare Oom. I go to bed. Buenas Noches mis amigos!

The time i like is the rush hour
cause i like the rush
the pushing of the people
I love it oh so much!

-Peter Gabriel

11:46, 16 DE ENERO

Atleti advanced and Real Madrid got knocked out by lowly Mallorca in the Copa del Rey! Next up for Atletico; Valencia. Ay Carumba!!!

The children in my class were fucking bonkers today. Too much azucar (sugar) perhaps. The end of class erupted into a coach pillow fight, which despite my best attempts, i got sucked into. They got to live out a lifelong dream of their fledgling lives by hitting a teacher. But i kicked their asses :)

Place your bets

The last time the Giants won the Super Bowl, I was living abroad. I don't think this has had a factor on the point spread in Vegas, but we'll see. I'll be back at Dubliners, with my Mets hat on, kicking ass.

9:40 17 de Enero

Pirated Internet seems to be a thing of the past. But to get DSL I'm going to have to use Maria's name. I can't get it without an EU ID card because I am illegal - living on the edge. I will try and post this when the locotorios open at 11am, if they actually open on time. Then its off to class! Then take the Metro del Sur to Getafe to see la Profesora and cook her my Alcochofas No te Crees (Artichokes you won't believe). All else is groovy. Hug your children for me – i miss them already! And maybe I miss you too. Maybe. I'm not making any promises.

Drowning
In the sea of love
Where everyone
would love to drown

-Fleetwood Mac

Another day with me....

What a time this is
Everything changing
Faster than the eye can blink
Faster than we can stop and think
What will the future hold?
Well whatever..

-Marillion

Here we are again. Same as it ever was. Don´t have much new to say, but i do have Internet access, so why not take a stab?

Tomorrow at 7pm is the Madrid Derby: Real Madrid vs. Atletico Madrid. It´s a home game for Atleti but they jack the cheap tickets up to 80 E. I understand supply and demand, but they can still morde mi culo (bite my ass). Isn´t learning Spanish fun???

On that note my Spanish took a little step last week and even Maria says it is getting much better. It just took some effort on my part. Now i must continue and talk in Español as much as possible. I find learning language, you plateau for a bit and then suddenly make a leap, like last week. The plateaus suck, the leaps rock. If I keep applying myself, i should be halfway decent by July. Then i won´t understand a damn thing any of you are saying in August! Oh well. It will be like charades.

I won’t ask you to sign
On some cold dotted line
But if you can love me tonight
I,ll remember the light
Only the light

-Marillion

Alive!

I am alive! getting the Internet is a bitch these days at La Villa Strangiato (my flat). I have a bunch of stuff written, harrowing tales of drunkeness and cruelty, of princesses and right wing amphibians; but alack, it is on my jump drive which i cleverly left in Madrid (i am in Getafe).

Spanish Exile Booklist:
A Widow for One Year - John Irving * Maybe the best book of fiction written about human sexuality ever.

The Rising Tide - Jeff Shaara * Gripping acount of WWII in Africa and Italy. Absolutly incredible. Makes Ike look like a genius. What is astounding is all of the infighting amongst the Allies.

Deportivos (Sports)

Atletico continues to kick ass, la Profesora is magnifico, work is fine and all is well. Hope you are too!

Go Giants! I saw the game last week, my heart swelling with patriotic pride for NJ, the motherland. That started at 10:30 on Sunday, which was a bitch. But this weeks game is at 12:30am and i have a class at 8am. Will i make it? Will i have to cut a guy from Wisconsin?- tune in and see!

Laying on the Line
The last time the Giants won the Superbowl (after 1990 Season), i was living abroad. Not sure if this has affected Vegas, but i thought i´d just wing it out there. This will be Colin Tietjen´s first NFC Championship of his tender little life. Enjoy boy!

It was just one of those days
When the mind strays
One of those days
When everyone plays
One of those days
When everyone stays
And all of the dreaming goes on
-Marillion

Requiem for a fat man....

i get up
i get down
-yes


Ooch! The Pack showed they could take the Seahawks best punch, and then demolished them! What an old school ass-thumping.

Good bye fat man, as I believe Holmgren will, and should retire. Cut Alexander too. Let someone else pay him. It was fun while it lasted, Homegrown. Thanks for turning the Hawks into a winner. You´re not the genius you think you are, but the Hawks became a better team under you.

The Packers looked great. I think they will beat whoever wins tomorrow. Adios American football for one more year. It´s only Spanish football from here on in.

I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky come tumbling, tumbling down
-Carole King

FLASHBACK: 9 de Enero

I woke up at 3:00 this morning and never got back to sleep. I took an hour nap between classes, but have been chugging on three hours sleep. Jet lag she is a bitch. I was doubter but now i believe. Maria is dumbfounded as to how all i could do was sleep all weekend an now i am an insomniac. As am i.

But i am now burnt out on the no sleeping thing, although i know i'll get by. I had just forgotten how trippy and bizarre the whole scene was.

I saw Hillary won NH after showing some emotion. Let's please show some emotion instead of looking like robots!

Shrubby looks like a yam that's been up a bear's ass for 16 months. A GAY bear! Take that bible humping America!

It was like 53 F yesterday, just lovely. I tell Spanish people how it was -4 in CT the day i left (-20 C) and they scream “Joder!” and stare at me like it must have been Armagedon.

Tomorrow i am going to see Atletico play Valloladid in the 1^st leg of the round of 16 for the King's Cup (Copa del Rey). Should be a blast.

I am listening to an old Cream bootleg that is just ferocious – a throat grabbing version of “stepping out.”

Vale (Okay). I go to sleep. Finalmente!

10:29 - 10 De Enero

Got some sleep. Only about 5 hours, but i'll take it!

14:55 – 11 de Enero

Diedo Forlan had 5 good chances- but couldn't get the ball in the net. The match ended 0 – 0, with the the second and final leg in Valloladid. I had a great seat in the lower center.

Then I went to the Mural bar and saw JJ and a bunch of people to say “Feliz ano nuevo!”

And i got to bed at 7am and just got up now! Oi! Such is Spain. Such is jet lag week. And so on and so forth.

- I found my students at Banco Santander, so that is all sorted! This is good. And I picked up some extra classes on monday night from 6-8. Oh yeah!

Into the flames

11:00 8 de Enero

Wait a minute baby
stay with me a while
you said you'd give me light
but you never told me about the fire
-Fleetwood Mac

No one ever tells you about the fire, Stevie. But there always is one. Oh yes. Always.

We don't know how. We're not sure when, but at some point in the future, something bad is going to happen.
-Homeland Security (almost every statement)

Listening to

Beatles – White Album
Soundgarden – Superunknown
Steely dan – Gaucho
Jane's Addiction – Nothing's shocking
Talking Heads – Sand in the Vaseline
Marillion – Marbles
Yes – Yes Songs
Pink Floyd – Live in Oakland '77 (Animals)
White Stripes – Elephant
Joni Mitchell – Court and Spark

Great to be back – great to see La Profesora. In a feat aided by illness, jet lag and amorous shannanigans, I entered bed at 2:15am on Friday and did not extract myself until 8:15pm on Saturday. Maria lived a whole day in between. It should also be noted i had a three hour nap on friday afternoon too, though i did not really sleep at all on the flight. It was a world record. Mamota (groundhog) power!

Maria's great. Wonderful. Terrific. Etc, etc, etc.

Burning down the house!
-Talking Heads

I am back to teaching. I still like it. Que Bueno! I had three weeks off. Crapapalooza! That's a long time. Spoiled, i am.

My house is 70 degrees with the heat off and Maria's is 50. A tale of two flats

22:19

I survived!!! The first day back is always loco. No one showed up for my late classes, but i still get paid, so i studied Spanish. I just hope there isn't a problem. Alex said not to worry, but he's a moron.

And when I tried to get off the light rail, the door wouldn't open and it brought me all the way to the next stop. Then I had to go back. Typical first-day-back stuff. Not even the new box of plastic wrap i bought worked – it was all tangled round one end. And i am cleaning and doing laundry because I have been home about 4 days in the last month. Ay carumba!!!

I am studying Spanish because I realized just how shitty my Spanish was when I was invited to Maria's family last minute on Sunday for dinner (the feast of the three kings). When people speak slow i have a chance, but when they speak normal speed i am am jodido. Anyway, met her mom, who still dresses in black after losing her husband a year and a half ago, poor woman. She knew him 50 years and he was all she knew. But Maria said her mom looked happier than she has seen her in a while. I also met her older sister, Gelles (helles), who is my age and really sweet. Later on I met her lame ass boy friend. We had this special cake called roscoe (That's how it sounds, don't know how you spell) and thank god they warned me because my piece had a hard ceramic tile of the virgin in it! Even eating is peligroso (dangerous) here.

The jet lag worked the other way last night and i hardly slept for a half an hour at a time last night, then awoke at 6:30. Damn you physics! Damn you Sir Isaac Newtown.

And what is this nonsense about people being almost out of the race because they didn't do well in the Iowa primary. It's fucking Iowa! A state you forget when you try to name all 50. Where is it exactly? - no one knows! The day Iowa decides the US' fate is the day I move out.... Oh wait, that already happened.

I read the same today about New Hampshire! It said super Tuesday may not matter (20 state primaries on Feb 5^th) after New Hampshire. Does anyone believe this insanity? This stupidity? Cram NH and Iowa together and they can both disappear into the ass end of California or up the nose of NY state.

It's just plain silly.

This is the picture....

(jay in goal while collin shoots)



I see pictures of people, rising up
pictures of people, falling down
I see pictures of people
they're standing on their heads, they're ready
they're looking out, look out!
they're watching out, watch out!
-Peter Gabriel

Much easier to post pics in a seperate entry- don´t miss two new stellar entries below!