It's Often Shitty in Philladelphia

Reality stirred me
My angel had heard me
The prayer had been answered
A reprieve has been granted
The dream was now broken
Thought rudely awoken
Really safe and sound
Asleep on the Greyhound
One more red nightmare
-King Crimson

Agosto 31

Well, the second and leg of the North American Tour began yesterday. Tripp and I went to the Mets - Phillies game in Philadelpha: our nation's first capital. And the Mets got bitch slapped all week. They lost last night 4-3, with the game ending on Marlon Anderson being called out for interference, which was the right call. And I went alone today and saw El Duque's worst outing in weeks. The Mets lost a heartbreaker 11-10, and were swept in a 4 game series by the Phils. Fucking hell! However, a bright spot of the evening was my duet with Daryll Hall on Rush's 'Xanadu.' Spectacular it was. Even despite the Philadelphia massacre, the show must go on!

Tripp, Christa and the girls are well. Their youngest daughter, Alex, has Shirley Temple curls and is a riot! Their oldest daughter Cate is doing awesome!

It's 1:34 AM and I am at Casa del McFadden with Mike and Mima. Their oldest, Megan, is my Hija de Dios (God daughter). And I am El Padrino (God father). How bitchin' is that? And her younger sister, Lyndsay, is adorable. Megan seemed to remember me, which should be impossible. Anyway, we are best buds. Tomorrow Mima and I take them to Van Saun Park(They have a little mini- zoo)!

I am so lucky to have so many good friends and so many honorary nephews and nieces.

I believe the children are our future

-Whitney Houston

Okay, I just quoted Whitney Houston and need to go off myself by overdosing on Flintsones chewable Morphine. There is no god - because we just basically got bored with the whole idea.

And do remember: That which passes, passes like gas.

TOUR DATES

Aug 30 - 31: New Milford, NJ

Sept 1: Wilton, CT

Sept 2: Newtown, CT

Sept 3: Ansonia, CT

Sept 4: Rockville, MD

Has anyone seen my pants?

-El Dude

People I regret I shan't see on this trip:

-Stabile (Tampa)

-James and Kara (Albuquerque)

-Jim Morrison (Buenos Aires)

Say...isn't that an elephant fish on the corner over there
look at that blush baby mud puppy noolbengerrhinoderma marmoset spring peeper shingleback skinksiren skate starling sun-gazer spoonbill and suckers

they seem to be everywhere,

well it's a live revue

random animal parts now playing nightly right here in neurotica

...so long

-King Crimson

Reconvention

Lunes, Augosto 27

Well, yesterday the La Salle Men's Club recovened at the On the Border on Rte 7 in Tysons Corner. Only Volker was missing, who is back in Germany. It was great to see the lads once again! Just like old times. These guys were all my neighbors in McLean at one time, and Nick and Chris still live on the street. Two years ago I was elected president and have humbly remained as such long after my term expired. Woo hoo! Looks like we'll have an official outing on the 8th.

I have gotten to live so many of my dreams this year. I always dreamed of living in Spain. I also always aspired to be a president living in exile. Boo yeah!

Updated concert dates:
Aug 23 – 28 Rockville MD
Aug 29 – Havertown PA

Traveling is kicking the snot out of me, but i am having a blast. The highlight of the tour so far was when Cher showed up and we sang a duet of “I got you, Babe.” It tore the house down.

The humidity in DC is deadly. How do people put up with it? How did I? I miss dry Madrid.

Kind of ready to get back to work and my life out there.

Highlights of My Trip, part II

-Co-habitating with Bryan and Rebecca
-Annie smiles every time she sees me and hasn't slept through the night since she met me 3 weeks ago
-Connor Smith stabbing me with a fork (he didn't use the tines, and he knew that I knew he that he knew he could have)
-Seeing Simpsons Movie with Mom
-reconvening the LaSalle Avenue Men's Club
-The following scene:
(The Place is Annie's christening in NJ)
ALYCE: (Maid of honor at our wedding and Sue's good friend): I'm surprised Jay's mom and sister aren't here.
KEVIN: (disdain in his voice) Why would they be?
(There is a moment of uncomfortable silence and a blank look on Alyce's face)
KEVIN: You do know Jay's not the father, right?
ALYCE: Oh!

Fucking classic. That's an awesome story. How do you invite someone to the Christening and not tell them who the father is? Darth's reputation precedes her.

Welcome my son
Welcome to the Machine
-Pink Floyd

Bienivenido, mi hijo
bienivenido a la Machina
-Pink Floyd translated to Spanish

Leaving
I am really moving out of DC. The concept is just now sinking in. Time to go move shit out of the McLean house again. It seems endless. Oh well. Time get mine ass in gear

But time is another demon
that devours our time in Eden
-10,000 Maniacs

Viernes, Aug 24th

Back in DC. Rockville to be exact. Great to see Bryan and Rebecca who i hung out with on a weekly basis here. Back when i lived here, which I guess I don't anymore as i don't have a KEY to that house anymore. I guess I live in Madrid. I don't have a flat there now, but i do have a job, which is better. It's all so bizarre – truly.

Seeing Mitchell was awesome, but he sure does live like a bachelor. His house should be condemned when he moves out. His poor cat is morbidly obese (like when Homer Simpson adopted that Grinder Monkey and fed it too much). The carpet hadn't been vacuumed in a year and I've seen cleaner toilets in gas station. But it mattered not – we had a blast. We mostly hung out and watched baseball. I also went to LA BOCA (the mouth), the Mexican place he works at. I can vouge for their martinis!

Then a 400 mile drive back from Hartford. Left at 6:45 AM and got in at 3:30 PM (few stops in there). Now i mercifully stay put for a while. Hooray! I am worn thin of the road like year old guitar strings. Have driven over 1,600 miles so far. That's like almost to Denver.
I am trying ti use as many modes of transport as I can this trip. I still need to use a hang glider and a hot air balloon and then I think I'll have it covered. Oh yeah! Guiness Book of World Records – look out!

Upon Reflection

I am old. My friends are old. Their kids are young. They damn well better take good care of us!

Spider pig! Spider pig!
Does whatever a spider pig does!
Spin a web? No he can't.
He's a pig, he's a pig.
Look out! Here comes the spider pig!
-Homer Simpson

Mum and I saw the Simpsons movie. Great stuff. My Mum is too cool.
So what else? I'm doing laundry and stuff. Tomorrow i will get more stuff out of the old house.
I only got 3 hours of sleep at Mitchell's on Wed night, so i went to bed at midnight and slept til 12PM. Outstanding! You can take the me out of Madrid but can't take the Madrid out of me. Unless you do a spinal tap, which may work.

I love the Mets. I love the Nats.

I hate the Yankees. I hate the Redsox.

I am predicting a Mets – Angels world series, but I also wouldn't be shocked to see San Diego get there either. I say Angels win it all. Thank you for playing.

La Liga starts this weekend with Atletico playing Real Madrid. Que Buenisimo! It's at Santiago Bernabeau, so a home game for Real. Atletico is also close to securing a UEFA Cup spot. Dulce (Sweet)!

I could type here all day long. But I have fish to buy and barbecue. So i wish you well.

(this blog was delayed by a bunch of wireless probs) lo siento!

Planes, trains and automobiles

Good-bye yellow brick road
-Elton John

Modes of transport:

• Plane (Madrid to London 787 miles) (London to NY, 3465 miles)
• Amtrak train (240 miles)
• Car (Miles driven in Toyota - 1207)
• Ferry (Cape May NJ to Lewes DE - 16 miles)
• Kayak (negligible, unless you are the one paddling)

Total: 5715

At the Mum's house in colorful Ansonia, CT. We saw the Simpsons Movie, which was very funny. We'll watch the Yankees on the coast at 10 pm as watching baseball is something we've been doing together for years. Mum is well and tomorrow I will be digging out a place to store the Toyota in Mum's garage while I am away.

Highlights of my trip so far:

• Kayaking with Colin
• Waking up to in the Smith House: A blow to the nuts on Saturday at 9:30 AM, Nerf darts from a gun wizzing over my head on Monday at 8:30 AM
• Waking up in shocked disbelief at the Sheridan home at 11 AM to the smell of coffee and post-atomic-bomb-like silence (One daughter reading, the other playing quietly on the computer with headophones on!) It was the Twilight Zone after the Smith house!
• Jamming and recording the new Wayward Platypus with the lads
• Playing DESTROY ALL HUMANS on Bryan's Playstation and 6 foot TV
• Hanging with Senor Fripp el Gato
• Emails from Maria

Thanks to all of you who have housed, clothed and fed me. I have basically been living out of the Toyota otherwise this past week (it needs a cleaning lady desperately!)

Tomorrow night i see Mitch Esoian, an old college bud in Middletown. Yee hoo! Then hopefully to NJ to see my God daughter and Mike and Mima (and the Amazing Mets). And I'll have fun fun fun until the Man takes my vacation away!

Nomadic Love

Call myself Jezebel for wanting to leave

I'm not saying I'm replacing love for some other word
to describe the sacred tie that bound me to you
I'm just saying we've mistaken one for thousands of words
And for that mistake, I've caused you such pain that I damn that word
-10,000 Maniacs

On the road again! Here at casa del Smith, awhirling vortex of testosterone with boys 4 and 6. They had a great pirate themed bash yesterday.

It was great to see the Tietjens in Chincoteague and the sisters in Jersey at the shore. Except those damnable green flies that picked me clean like a chicken bone while kayaking. They were ferocious.

There were no mosquitos in VA at the beach, but the flies were annoying (didn't bite though). One followed me into the car when i left on friday. The little bugger annoyed me all the way to Jersey til I finally blew the bastard out the airlock (window) Sigourney Weaver - Alien style. Boo yeah!

Then saw the Sheridans on sat and Jim, Mark, Ernie and I recorded the new Wayward Platypus Album. Expect to see GODLESS BLACK MAGIC in September!

Godless Black Magic is swamp river voodoo blues meets a concept album with progressive sensibilities. The best album of the year that no one will hear.
-Rolling Stoned Magazine August 2007

These kids keep growing! So good to see old friends. Life moves forward, which is a lovely thing. I realized more and more that the events of the last year rocked a lot more people's world then just mine. But we hold on!

I'm not one to believe in magic
But I sometimes have a second sight
I'm not one with a sense of proportion
When my heart still changes overnight

I had a dream of a winter garden
A midnight rendezvous
Silver, blue and frozen silence
What a fool I was for you

If I could wave my magic wand
I'd set everybody free
-Rush

Road Trip's Eve

Road trippin with my two favorite allies
Fully loaded we got snacks and supplies
Its time to leave this town
Its time to steal away

Lets go get lost
Anywhere in the U.S.A.
Lets go get lost
Lets go get lost

Blue you sit so pretty
West of the one
Sparkles light with yellow icing
Just a mirror for the sun
Just a mirror for the sun
Just a mirror for the sun
-Red Hot Chilli Peppers

I love these August road trips. Always a long weekend or two to see family and friends, but never a Tour this long! Seven weeks. I guess i've finally hit the big time.

I'll see Mike and Kanae tonight in breathtaking Vienna. Off tomorrow to see the Seesters in fabulous Ocean Beach, NJ. Then off south again to Chincoteague to see Sly and the Family Tietjen / Hamilton. Thurs: back to home base in Rockville to see Bryan and Rebecca. Off again on Friday morning to CT for the Smith boys' birthday party, see the Sheridans and log some time in the studio, and then off to see the Mum on Monday. Then possibly to see Mike and Mima in NJ later in the week. Then return to Rockville before the weekend to collect Fripp and sleep, sleep, sleep.

And I'm used to travelling by myself with Darth having been travelling for work so much, and then living in California. Thank god I didn't have to move to LA. It's a cess pool of hubris and traffic. But they do have lovely weather.

So if I don't see you on this leg, i'll see you on the next!

Notes from Spain: Things are cool with Maria. Her wrist is better and she had a nice holiday a la playa in Almeria. She says Madrid is alive and well without me, which is kind of disappointing. I had always figured it would come to a screeching halt when I left. Oh well. Once again, I have overestimated my contribution to the human race.

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
-Doris day

Bailando con las Espiritas Negras

DANCING WITH THE BLACK SPIRITS: Sydney and Kristen at a bar (self photo by K)

The summer is gone, the Harvest is passed and we are not saved. Priceless!

Just going thru the pic archive and the E-gods are allowing me to upload. This is one of my faves and hope to use it for the back cover of the next Wayward Platypus Album.

What else? All is well. Fripp and I are just lounging and chilling. But next week I take to the road. More tour dates!

August 12, 13: Lavalette NJ
August 14, 15 : Chincoteague VA
August 17-19: Newtown / Sandy Hook CT
August 20: Ansonia, CT

The Ansonia shows are all SOLD OUT.
NO CLOTHING ALLOWED at the Chincoteague shows
The opening act in Newtown is a wolf eating a ferret.
The password for the Sandy Hook shows is YOUR SISTERS BUSH.

There's no business like show business!
-Ethel Mermen

Peace Negotiations

El Dude in the Flat - April '07

Sometimes the fortress is too strong
Or the love is too weak
What should have been our armor
Becomes a sharp and angry sword
-Rush

Darth and I held secret peace negotiations last night on a small moon in the Outer Rim. I am pleased to report it went well. Cooler heads prevailed (only three protocol droids were beheaded by light saber and an Ewok was vaporized, but the little fucker had it coming). Nothing is final, but I saw my lawyer today and she sees hers tomorrow, so we appear to be on the right track. With a little luck and good timing, our divorce may be final before i leave. Amen to that. We both wish to end this destructive conflict and bring peace to the Galaxy. Then Fripp and I can rule the galaxy as father and son! Boo Yeah!

I kayaked yesterday on the Potomac. First time I kayaked in a year, but Madrid has no water. It was hot as hell, but great. I hit the shore exhausted, 3 hours and 3 16oz bottles of water later.

I also saw the Nats game on Sunday. They drove in the winning run on a double in the bottom of the 8th. Yo quiero beisbol!

Much to do with cleaning my shit out of the McLean house. The drums and keyboards are both with Fripp and I at Bryan's place. They will park here when I return to Madrid.

So I have been back in the US a week. Whoa! This six weeks will go fast, so see me now while you can. I am a perishable item!

ATTENTION ALL PLANETS OF THE SOLAR FEDERATION..,

Here's my new number, bugging and ready to rock: 571-268-5345

Call me crazy
Call me a cab
Call me Gwen
-just don't call me early in the morning!

Exile Redux

And you hunger for a time
a time to heal, desire time
and your earth moves beneath
its own dream landscape

-U2

And all the shouting voices
trying to knock me off my course
Some by sermon
Some by force
Fools and thieves are dangerous
in the Temple and marketplace
in the temple and market place

-Rush

Augusto 3, Viernes 8:02 AM

Well, after leaving the home of the Seesters, the place I now consider home, I begin the North American Exile. Locked out of my own house by the squatting Darth, I once again am on the lam. I am blogging on the 183 Amtrak train to Washington. I should arrive in the Red Light District by 10:30 AM, then Metro to West Falls Church, and then a taxi to my former residence where I shall come to face to face with the Sith Lord of my nightmares for the first time in 7 months, and meet her offspring, little Annie Greco, who shares my name, but nothing else of mine (lucky for her!). I also will be reunite with Fripp, the Jedi Bastard who trained me some long years ago. I expect it to be a chilly reception. I shall get some stuff, my X-Wing fighter, my kayak, my Jedi Master and then head to planet SlavinGrad in the Rockville Rim of Maryland System, where I shall enjoy the hospitality of Bryan Calrissian, even though he currently exploring the solar system.

It's all so surreal i don't know what to think. Truly and finally, I am coming home.

Swoop and Run
I saw Mum yesterday for the first time since January, which was grand! We took a ferry from Liberty State Park in the Motherland to Ellis Island. Very cool. Then we just missed the ferry and had to wait. I got us two hot dogs, and had the dogs in my left hand and water bottle in my right, when something hit me in the left shoulder. ìWhat the...î I saw a white blur in front of me, looked down, and saw one empty hot dog bun. I looked up and this enormous seagull had my dog in it's mouth. It landed 6 feet in front of me and began to eat. ìYou bastard!î I cried and ran after him. I wasn't going to eat it, but I'd be damned if I'd let IT eat my hot dog. He dropped it and took off. He started to land and i keep running and he eventually flew off over the Hudson, while some other dirty birds ate my hot dog. When I turned around, Mum and the entire picnic area were laughing their asses off.

"That'll be a classic story for the blog," mum said.



ìIndeed,î I said. ìI often feel I was put on this earth for the sole enjoyment of the rest of the planet.î



But I'm having a blast, so I don't mind.



So this is how I hide the hurt
As the road leads cursed and charmed
Tell Amelia
It was just a false alarm

-Joni Mitchell



8:31 AM. I am listening to the Deluxe edition of Blind Faith, that has some startling jams with Clapton on guitar and Winwood on organ.

The novel is now called A LACK OF OXYGEN again. Almost 10,000 words in the bank. Shooting for 120,000. Just slugging through now ñ not too bad. Soon I will get to introduce what I hope to be one of my most intriguing and fun characters ever ñ Lorenzo the black scorpion, who dresses in a tux, top hat and cane, talks and serves up advise to our ailing hero. Have I finally lost my fucking mind?

And I think its gonna be a long long time...

-Elton John

We have just pulled into Philadelphia. I edge closer to my destiny.

He pissed in their fireplace
He dragged them through turbulent Indigo

-Joni Mitchell



Earlier in my journey:



Conductor (looks like Morgan Freeman- and has a great voice to match): Tickets please.
El Dude: Here you go.
Conductor:: And I'll read that Post when your done.
El Dude: Sure.

I went up to get coffee and a muffin and see the conductor on my way back.

Conductor: I saw the paper there but weren't sure if you were done. Didn't want you to be like ìWhere's my paper!î
El Dude: I'm done. You want it?
Conductor: Sure. Thanks.
I pulled it from the netting behind the seat but the pulled it away as he went to take it.
El Dude: Yankees or Mets? (Met fan's usually read the Post, Yankee fan's the Dailey News, because of the each one is partial to coverage of the respective team)
Conductor: Yankees
El Dude: I'll give it to you anyway.
Conductor: Said the wrong thing!

9:15 AM ñ Just crossed the Susquehanna River. Hello Maryland. Closer and closer to that which awaits. I feel like I should be on reality TV, this situation is so fucked up. I half expect Jerry Springer to be there when I reach home. Then some California redneck will come out of the coat closet, proclaim himself Annie's father and then hit me across the back with one of the dining room chairs that were my Nan and Pop's.


When the dust has cleared
Victory denied
Summit too lofty
River a little to wide

If we keep our pride
though Paradise is lost
we will pay the price
but we will not count the cost

we will pay the price
but we will not count the cost

-Rush

We just crossed more water. How long has it been since i've seen so much water? Can't wait to take the Cygnus X-1, my kayak, out on the Potomac tomorrow! I'd bring Frippy but it's inflatable and he tends to dig in his claws when he's flustered, which is would be problematic. Then I believe the Nats game on

Sunday. It was great to watch the Mets beat Milwaukee on Wed. night. How beisbol, how i missed ye!

10:00 AM

As we move forever closer
Awaken to the west touch
Awaken to the west touching

-Yes


Conductor: New Carollton. New Carollton, next stop. And then Washington DC.

I am a bit nervous. I guess I would be a fucking blockhead if I wasn't. DC has little been in my thoughts. But I guess I really won't see it. I'll go right from Union Station, underground, to the Metro. This used to be my city. It used to be where I worked. I marketed her and wrote about her. My home.

There's a beautiful woman across the aisle from me, putting on her makeup. I miss Maria. She's just too cool. Hope she hasn't fallen off a chair or anything and hurt herself.

The landscape rolls by, green, brown and yellow, the sky a dull gunmetal gray. Heat haze. A code orange day. Hot as hell and air quality for shit. Welcome home!

Bryan has a big ass TV. I haven't watched TV in seven months!

I feel lost. Adrift. Fripp will center me. Stay calm when you encounter the Dark Side. Don't let her get under your skin like some crafty parasite. Stay serene. The Force is my ally.

Can't this fucking train hurry up! Jesus Christ and the Christones! Let's get this over with.

The woman across the aisle is still putting her makeup on! Foundation, mascara, eye shadow, powdering her nose. Is she going on CNN? Enough is enough.

Irish. Light skin, mid-dark hair, cute little pony tail. Blue eyes? Yes, blue. She's making me nervous.

I shouldn't have had two big cups of coffee.

Center thyself. Let the Force flow through me. The force is my Ally. I shall not want. It leadeth me down familiar hardwood hallways and I shall come to no harm. It leadeth me into purple bathrooms that appear battleship gray for mine eyes art fucking colorblind.


It's far cry from the world we thought we'd inherit
It's a far cry from the way we thought we'd share it

-Rush



Union Station. Fuck.


August 6, 8:55 AM

Just another tricky day
for you

-the Who

My 1st two encounters with Darth went well. Annie is adorable. I am staying my friend Bryan's place, in Rockville, which is a palace. He and Rebecca are on holiday in Europe (ironic!) so I have the place all to myself. It is a palace! Air conditioning, garbage disposal, clothes dryer, barbecue, 60 inch TV and 300 channels, all in English. Saw the Nats sweep St Louis yesterday at RFK and watched the Mets and Cubs all weekend. Other than that I have vegged and slept. Asleep by ten last night, up by seven AM. Who is this imposter! You know i'm lagged.

Just wanted you all to know I'm well and will be in touch this week. Then we get our ya ya's out!

The Empire Smokes Crack

El Dude in London


Look out Mama cuz I'm coming home tonight!
-Neil Young

6:30 AM EST
After 8 moons and 7 months, i am sitting in bed in my sister's home. I got in last night. The flight was long, but other than having to go through security a second time in Dublin (why?!) it was uneventful enough. The girls cooked a rib roast on the barbecue. Yum! I see my mother in NYC today. Then Amtrak tomorrow to DC, where I will stay at Bryan's house. Darth had the locks changed when I was gone and is calling it “her house” even though the mortgage is being paid through OUR savings. So now I have to coordinate with her to get into my own house. And I'm letting her live there while i pay half the mortgage and pay my own rent in Madrid on top of that. Don't look forward to seeing her. It makes me sad. Truly the woman I loved is gone.

Fuck it. I have tried.

I see my lawyer on Wed. I don't think his heart is black enough and I'll need to get one that drinks blood with a heart of coal. I didn't want it to come to this, but I'm not going to back away from a fight when my life's savings is involved. Besides, what's fair is fair. I won't get into it, but her first proposal to me for splitting assets was based on nothing but lies and she asked for an egregious percentage.

We're going to get bloody on this one, Roger
-Mel Gibson to Danny Glover
Lethal Weapon

So, my financial future on the brink, what else can I do but go to NYC and enjoy seeing the Seesters and Mom. Rock and roll!

I am home – even though I don't really have a home. Madrid feels more like home, really. Just one last titanic battle with the Sith and then I can get on with my life.

Luke: I'm not afraid
Yoda: You will be. You WILL be.
-The Empire Strikes Back