Homeless

October

the trees are stripped bear

of all they wear

what do i care

October

Kingdoms rise

and kingdoms

but you go on

-U2

Domingo 17:48

Just got back to Maite's. Tired. Very tired. After I got back from Avila, i went straight to Maria's in Getafe. We were supposed to go to Mandy's b-day party in Madrid, but never got there.

• Our song seems to be hot for teacher by Van Halen.

• We watched The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe on DVD late night. Great stuff. I am trying to talk her into dressing like the White Witch. She claims she doesn't need any ideas, that she has enough of her own.

• I may have pulled a muscle or two.

• She teases me and calls me “Grandpa.”

• I tell her that she will not her sexual peak til 40 and that i can teach her some things until then.

The classes went well in Avila. I taught classes on why innovation fails, a product's life cycle, prepositions, and pronunciation (striking a blow for native New Yorkers everywhere!). It was fun. The first week of work is under my belt. Now I just need to find a fucking flat.

intensive

Who the fuck dressed me like this?!!!

(Annie wearing Athletico Madrid onesy)

And you will take my hand

and be with me in wonderland

-Big Country

Septiembre 28 , 0:39

Sitting here in Avila, watching the world go round and round. I am in a little country house 3 km from where the students are staying with my fellow teachers. 3 teachers – 3 students.

Last night Maria took me to some art house theatre where we saw a play called 666. There were no words. It was about 4 guys in prison on death row and was humor as black as the bottom of a well. It had at least 40 references to prison rape, gas chambers, guillotines and hangings. When we came in they were playing German death metal. I had on a shirt and tie from work – man was I overdressed! The profesora had on a tee-shirt that said “I try to be a good girl.” It's debatable how hard she tries, but i can live with that.

True Stories:

• Maria wants to get a whip

• I want Maria to get a whip

• She told me when we first met; “My brain is not so good, so I really enjoy my body.” I can verify that this is true

• Falling in love is as good as it's portrayed in books and movies

She was slamming around to the German death metal and I said; “I didn't know you liked stuff this hard.”

“I do!”

“Do you like Iron Maiden?”

“Yes, I love,” she said.

“The more I learn about you, the more i like you.”

So now I am in Avila, first week of regular classes under my belt. Boo yeah! Gotta find a fucking flat soon! Got to catch up on sleep.

Gravity eyelids

Gravity eyelids come down

-Porcupine Tree

13:30

I love siestsa!

• She told me “I'm not looking to be too serious our have a boyfriend, so you can keep all of your other lovers.” Hooray! Too bad I don't have any other lovers

• I think it's a defense mechanism on her part. I am also trying my damnedest to be cautious, because of where I'm coming from.

• But we have so much fun together!!!! We are both trying not fall head over heels, but i think both of us are. Her actions say she's as nuts about me as i am about her. I never expected to see her this week. That was her idea.

• It's freezing here. The house has thick stone walls. It was 3 Celsius last night!

You've got to raise your hand

and say “I don't understand.”

But there are days

when I am just too tired.

-Liz Phair

Begin the Begin

Septiembre 24, 20:14

Lets begin again, begin the begin
Lets begin again like martin luther zen
The mythology begins the begin
Answer me a question I cant itemize
I cant think clearly, look to me for reason
Its not there, I cant even rhyme in the begin

A philanderers tie, a murderers shoe
Example: the finest example is you

Birdie in the hand for lifes rich demand
The insurgency began and you missed it
I looked for it and I found it
Miles standish proud, congratulate me

-REM

Back to work. Very stressful finding places for the first time. Always nuts. But i did fine. I just got lost coming home (did the same fucking thing my first day here in January) because it's always a sprint in the morning and you can follow the human traffic to the bus and the Metro. Maite's place is a bit out of the way, but really nice. So sweet of her to hook me up. Cool lady.

Today I taught a president of a banking co., 2 classes at British Telecom, and a class at Ferrovial: the biggest construction company in Madrid.

well you stole it cause i needed the cash
and you killed it because i wanted revenge
well you lied to me cause i asked you to
baby, can we still be friends?

-U2

It was a glorious weekend with the Profesora. Really nice. Talented woman.

Teacher wants to see me after school.
-Van Halen

I forgot what a croquet mallet to the sac looking for a flat can be. I saw a place today- great people, great locale, shitty place.

Time to get some food, cook, and get to sleep. Me so tired.

I got my pencil
-Van Halen

It was great to return the Mural Bar last night. People coming up out of nowhere and hugging me. Maybe I should try and be an ambassador.

Laura and I are looking to share a flat. I think that would work well. But the Spanish can be so obtuse. Someone refused to even show her an apartment today because she doesn't have a job yet (she'll be going to school too - she got accepted to a EU law program and is already a lawyer) and she currently has plenty of money in the bank (more than me!). Obtuse, i say.

That's all. I have no Internet that i can steal today, so who knows when this will post.

I don't feel tardy
-Van Halen

Septiembre 25

Bad Hair Day
The first day to work i couldn't find the crap i put in my hair so i used nothing. My hair frizzed out and i looked like Bon Jovi in the 80's. Nice way to make a first impression.

Magical Mystery Tour
The Profesora is taking me somewhere tomorrow. Not sure where. Diabloita!

She carries me

through days of apathy
she washes over me
she saved my life
in a manner of speaking
when she gave me back
the power to believe

-King Crimson

Septiembre 26 1:02 am

Can never get the Internet when i have time to blog. Sad. Maute's place is nice and new, but out of the way. The bus started running and I had to talk a long walk up a vicious incline past this enormous cemetary. And there's a full moon or at least close. It was beautiful.

Bitches brew! No Internet sucks. And no luck with a flat so far. Oh well. I found out we are going to Avila for the Intensive course.

I saw Laura tonight for the first time since the Return of the Great Scattering. I met her mom too. We went to the Mexican restaurant. It was fun.

11:02 am

The moon was sitting on the horizon like an enormous orange pizza when I caught the bus at 7:20.

Found an Internet cafe and dragged my laptop around with me. Hooray!!! Then time to look for a flat before I have to head north to British Telecom. Tengo sueno (I am tired).

Laura found a place with another woman, so it's just me now back to the flat drawing board.

volver II

coming in hot
-peter tosh

Left Getafe and Maria. Had a lovely time. Went to the back to the Mural Bar but had to wait for JJ to get there and get my dress clothes. I teach in five hours. People were coming up and hugging me all night. Time for a little sleep. Maite has been AWESOME and so hospitable. More tomorrow. GO TO BED PEOPLE!

Movement of Jah People

Send us another brother Moses
-Bob Marley

Last night was Noche Blanco in Madrid, where people stay up from 7pm - 7am, not so different from every other weekend, except that all the museos are open all night and there are performing arts all over the city. Maria and I went in and had a blast.

I am flat hunting, preparing lessons, trying to get my dress clothes from JJ, and figuring out where my classes are tomorrow! At 17:00 I leave for Atoche and my friend Maite, a friend of a friend i met thru Dave in London, will take me to her place where i´ll stay for the week while i work til i go to Segovia on Thurs.

I have always depended on the kindness of strangers
-Blanche DuBois

What a difference a day makes

Once again - hard to put it all into words. All the same, you should close your eyes, Mum!

• I had a whole bunch of candles burning when the Profesora got home
• popped a bottlle of cava (favorite champagne)
• Told her ´seducir´- that i was trying to seduce her
• Talked for hours
• at 11:30 she went into her room and came out in a party dress, and put on music so we could dance
• went to bed around 1am to listen to joni mitchell
• she gave me an outrageous back rub, which I returned

I surrendered to the fever
And I surrendered to the will of the night
-Dire Straits

Somewhere around 3 am I lay on my back, bathed in cool sweat, with Maria´s head across my stomach. Que Fantastico! Buddhism teaches that some things are indescribable and that even if we could do so, it would somehow tarnish it.

Also:

• She has three cats, one a kitten. They are psycho. I took some stuff out of my pocket and two minutes later they had run off with my allergy tablets. Now the kitten, Guiness, is hopped up on pseudophedrine.
• I start work on Lunes!
• Going to look to start looking for a flat tomorrow. Will stay with one of two friends in Madrid til Wed. and then I go to Segovia on thurs to teach!!!!!

I guess I´m back in the saddle, on many fronts.

Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt
-Kurt Vonnegut

And you fuck like a volcano
and your everything to me
-Liz Phair

Aqui

18 de Septiembre
17:15

What should have been our armor
becomes a bright and burning sword
-Rush

Plane bringing me home boards in 25 minutes. I sit in the airport bar with a cold Sam Adams Octoberfest, bogging and listening to Suzanne Vega's Crime and Beauty. Beautiful album. The Rush show last night really rocked. What a send off! It was a fiesta y una media (party and a half). The highlight may been Armor and Sword. There's no place that has energy like the Garden.

JJ, my good but very unreliable friend, stood me up. So I called Maria and asked her if I could stay by her tomorrow. She was like “No problema!” and I was like Woo Hoo!

I have a place to stay and get to spend more time with her (ooh la la!). I can hear you all snickering and chortling like school children, rife with innuendo. Oh well. We will see, but I am psyched.

So it's a good day to be El Dude, as are most days. The Seester suggested I try to be very very neat and well behaved while I stay with her. “Try not to be too comfortable with her right anyway, if that's possible. Or you could just wear your Darth Maul boxers and say 'This is me baby, let's put it all on the table.”

The problem is I find it very difficult to behave, for whatever reason. I think i'll shoot for a happy medium.

I am happy to go back but was kind of waxing poetic about the USA, after a KILLER night in NYC, but then I got to Newark airport. Even though the sign outside gate B said BRITISH AIRWAYS, I had to walk all over and then take an elevator.

I called yesterday because they hadn't sent me an e-ticket. I was booked. I asked if they had an electronic kiosk so that I could print it out at EWR. “Sure.” she said. The correct answer was NO. So I had to wait in a twenty minute line to get my ticket. Moronic! And the lady who told me where to stand was a bitch on a unicycle! Once I finally had my ticket, a klaxon went off. It was excruciating. Luckily, my iPod headphones protected mý ears a bit. So I was frazzled like Chewbacca in that sonic chamber in THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. They stopped me at the baggage screen and took my toothpaste. I didn't know it was a liquid and got it thru Barajas, Dublin and Heathrow in July. 20 minutes later I was through and waiting ten minutes for a beer at the bar, the klaxon still screaming and a thin line of crimson running down my left ear. Then it finally stopped and bar patrons clapped and joked about class action suits against Newark International Airport.

Fuck a duck! It just went on again. Nooooooooooo! I am now ready to go back to Madrid.

You never had the things you thought you should have had
and you'll not get them now
-Genesis

Listening to Bowie's Alladin Sane. Good stuff. Drinking my last Martini til Christmas. Good stuff. Klaxon stopped. Good good stuff.

Good-bye Beisbol! Friend, lover, baby mother! Good-bye marriage! Good-bye Confederacy! Yo volver a Madrid!

Catch you on the other side of the Atlantic.

23:27 EDT

We are due south of Iceland, narrowing in on London. London always seems to be my gateway to the West and to Madrid. I think we get there in an hour. Then a layover in Heathrow. Maybe three hours. I'll try to sleep there. Yes I will.

Swept away like voices in a hurricane
in a vapor trail
-Rush

Here comes Madrid, part II. Laptop battery running low. Melting, melting...melting

20 de Septiembre - 17:05 Madrid Time

I am in Getafe, a burb south of Madrid. technically Madrid, but about 15 minutes by train. Tomorrow go see Alex and start work on Monday. I have a pretty damn full week. Yes! I love work because they pay me Euros, which i use to buy stuff.

It´s been fabulous to see Maria, though I have no possible way to explain the last 24 hours. None. Nunca. I would if i could, but i can´t. I´ll make an attempt.

The fact that I am inconceivably jet lagged is one thing. I slept maybe 1.5 hours on the planes, metro and train. We went to bed last night at about 23:30. I woke a few times, and when Maria got up as we slept in the same bed, but then i slept til 13:00! She just came home for lunch and will be back at 19:00. Then dinner. Then God knows what! I will attempt to illuminate you. Apparently I kicked and kind of strangled her a bit in my sleep - but she´s okay and thought it was funny! Do i do this normally? I don´t know - i usually sleep alone! I could have strangled Fripp on vacation, but he didn´t say anything.

I am also receiving mixed transmissions from the Maria unit, but you don´t ask someone to sleep in your bed you don't like, do you? I bet some people do.

Think she´s trying to let me know she´s ineterested but needs to go slow. I know she's really been snake bit in the past, but i guess i have too. Yet it was very intimate. Maybe it´s just that I want to bang her like a John Bonham gong?

And all this could be compounded by my staying here, cultural shift in customs, language barrier, jet lag, and my own warped sense of how the world around me works. But I´m having fun. And I really dig her. She wore the shortest shorts to bed I have ever seen - what little ass she has was hanging out. It was quite nice.

Wendy
Darling
In the kitchen
With your dreams
Will you fly
again
Take to the sky
again
Undo the hooks
Once and for all
Banish the tic tic tic tok tok tok
Again
Will you be
Yourself for me
Cause I can take it
I can stand
Anything
When you're with meI
can stand it
I can stand
But when you're gone
I never land
In Neverland
-Marillion

Okay. I have an idea! More tomorrow!

Madrid Bound

It's cold comfort
To the ones without it
To know how they struggled
How they suffered about it
If their lives were exotic and strange
They would likely have gladly exchanged them
For something a little more plain
Maybe something a little more sane
-Rush


Well, the Rush Concert was awesome. No surprise there. The Seester and I have been going to Rush concerts for 24 years. Been going with Jim and Kev for the past 20. How is that possible? I don't know. I just don't know. I'll post as soon as I can to let u all know I am safe and sound. Thanks again to all of those housing my crap, with special thanks to the Seesters for the past few days. Miss you, I shall. See you in 3 months!

you are with me all the time, now
and i just have to laugh
it seems we can't parted
from the other half
-Wayward Platypus

All Down the Line

12:33 Hasbrouck Heights, NJ. Seesters' house. My new USA residence. I live in an attic like Anne Frank. Que Historico!

Stop making sense, stop making sense...stop making sense, making sense
-talking heads

Forgot- I stayed with Jim & Lisa for the first times in a decade thanks to the miracle that is immunotherapy Thanks Jimbo! Better living thru chemistry!

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
-Liz Phair

When I was younger, I thought I was fucked up and that many others were normal. Now that I am middle-aged, i realized we are all fucked up. I find great comfort in this.

Many people have emailed asking how old is Mum. Short answer: 48

Talked to Darth today. I would classify relations with her as 'good.' for the past 3 days. I'm racing around doing laundry, playing catch with Zeke the dog, trying to find a place to stay on Wed., checking the divorce settlement and doing lesson plans, because i left them for the last minute- of course!

He's got a force field and a flexible plan
He's got a date with fate in a black sedan
He plays fast forward for as long as he can
But he won't need a bed
He's a digital man
-Rush

End of the Road

(El Dude, in the Toyota, Fear and Loathing on CT 95)

In a highway service station
Over the month of June
Was a photograph of the earth
Taken coming back from the moon
And you couldn't see a city
On that marbled bowling ball
Or a forest or a highway



Or me here least of all
You couldn't see these cold water restrooms
Or this baggage overload
Westbound and rolling
taking refuge in the roads
-joni mitchell

I said a tearful goodbye to the Toyota today when I left it at Kev and Heather's after clearing 3,200 miles. I could have driven to LA.

But I would never do that. I fucking hate LA and I am never going back after the events of last year. That being said, I believe Darth and I have struck a peace. We'll see. If so, I will be Divorced in two weeks or less. HOORAY!

Also said goodbye to the Mum til December. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM!

And I now have health insurance. I can't wait to tightrope walk, hang glide and play in a dumpster full of medical waste. U-S-A! U-S-A!

Paper work tomorrow. Go over the settlement agreement and get it to the lawyer. Oh yeah, and find a place to stay in Madrid for Miercoles! And do a lesson plan.

And then go to see Rush at the Garden with Kev, Jim, and the Seester. Que una fiesta!!! I think i've seen them something like 18 times.

I also finally broke down and got a camera. Hence the above photo.

Tuesday back to Madrid. Back home. Back where I currently belong. And back to Maria - Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!


GRACIAS

Thanks to all the folks who have housed me- especially Bryan and Rebecca, but also Mum, Pat y Laura, Mel y Janet, Kevin and Heather, Mike y Mima, Tripp y Christa did I forget anyone? I hope not. Thanks for the bedding, the food and the company.

Adios Washington!

(Album available NOW!)

I don't care about pollution
I'm an air-conditioned gypsy
That's my solution
Watch the police and the tax man miss me
I'm mobile
Oooooh, yeah, hee hee!
-the Who

10:30

Packing up here in Rockville. Got about 400 miles to go today. Oi! Last leg of the tour. "Focus people! Focus!



It appears Darth and I have really come to terms. Hooray! I got health insurance thru Kaiser Permanente. Que Bueno! Time to hit the highway and become one with engine and steel!

and all the time that's passed me by
it hardly seems to matter now
-Genesis

Countdown

Once de Septiembre

Silhouettes like shivering ancient feelings
They cover my foreign floors and walls
Submarines are lurking in my foggy ceiling
They keep me sleepless at night...

Hey, can you picture the sight
The figures on the beach in the searing night
And the roaring hurt of my silent fight...
Can you pull me out
Of this sleepless night
Can you pull me out? .

-King Crimson

Thoughts, of course, to those affected and lost in attacks of 9/11 and of those who continue to give their lives over in Afghanistan and Iraq. Lets hope it's not in vain. Thanks for defending our way of life, dudes and dudettes. Shrubby is not fit to tie your fatigues for you.

On a lighter note, I can sympathize with fighting a seemingly faceless, merciless, godless force. On the advice of my attorney I am back at Bryan's. The good news is that Darth appears to be giving ground in this unholy tug of war. We may be close to a deal, but I've said this before. I'll believe it when I've got my signed divorce papers in my hand.

Roswell II
More poking and prodding at the allergist's, but a clean bill o health. I used to see these nurses once a month for allergy shots when I lived here. “Oh my god! Look at that hair! You look so young, like a baby!” I love those gals. Love them! And I had lost ten pounds, not bad considering I've put five on here in the U S of Eat.

Doc Kaliner examined me with a young female doctor who is interning as well. “Hmmm... long hair, new job, new country, divorce – mid-life crisis?”

I hate that term.

“Well, my wife had a baby and it wasn't mine. So I went to Madrid”

“Eeee!” said the female doctor.

“Well I guess that about says it all,” said the Doc. He was kind of quiet on the chit-chat after that.

Fuck yeah, baby. That covers it all right.

(Just gotta get used to it)
We all get it in the end
(Just gotta get used to it)
We go down and we come up again
(Just gotta get used to it)
You irritate me my friend
(This is no social crisis)
This is you having fun
(No crisis)
Getting burned by the sun
(This is true)
This is no social crisis
Just another tricky day for you

-The Who

It's 18:06. I leave exactly one week from today. Heavy man, heavy.

Miercoles, 12 Septiembre

A New Hope??

People, we're going back to work!
-Homer Simpson

Late last night, at 1:13 AM, Eastern Standard Time, Darth agreed to my proposal. Now this has happened before so I'm not going to get my boxers in a wad, but finally, peace my be restored to the galaxy. Let's hope.

Martial Law

(American Gothic 2007)

Lunes, Diez de Septiembre

She thinks I'm cuuuuute!

-Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer

Maria called today. Que fantastico! Made my day in day 4 of THE SEIGE. Good woman. Naughty girl. A hottie. Can teach me Spanish. Need I say more? Nunca mas es necessario!

I'll see her next Wed, unless I need to continue my siege. I miss my life in Madrid.

Off the Mat
In my many travels, one good friend told me about the past year with Darth; “Wow. If that had happened to me I don't know I would have been able to get up off the mat.” While I appreciate the sentiment, I am very fortunate to be in a good a place and have the oodles of love and support my family, as well as friends old and new, have shown me.

Another heartache, another failed romance On and on, does anybody know what we are living for? I guess Im learning, I must be warmer now I'll soon be turning, round the corner now Outside the dawn is breaking But inside in the dark Im aching to be free The show must go on The show must go on Inside my heart is breaking My make-up may be flaking But my smile still stays on -Queen

WP News

The official release date for GODLESS BLACK MAGIC is Friday, September 14^th, so get your voodoo on bitches!

Also, I am proud to announce that Wayward Platypus is now an award winning band. The lyrics for DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE SEA , part 1 were chosen for the 2007 Who's Who in Poetry, put out by the International Poetry Society. Woo hoo! Too bad pumping gas pays better than poetry.

The Rub
Man, am I going to miss Fripp. We've had a great time together: watching baseball, watching football: barbecuing, playing string and laser tag, and sleeping. He's my bud. I have a plan to liberate him which must stay ultra secret until I spring it next year. Hang in there boy!

The man with the plan
Special thanks to the Mum, who gave me the idea for the SEIGE, a plan fiendishly clever in its entrickacy. Your ability to wreak havoc has inspired me ever since I was a young tot.

The plan is to stop bathing and to be shirtless with a bowl of nachos on my belly and a beer in my hand when she walks in, watching baseball and cranking King Crimson. Que Bien!

I told the Seester this plan yesterday. Her response was; “Aw man. Thanks for the visual. Jesus- and I was just about to make lunch!”

Oh yeah. This is going to work just fine.

And you may ask yourself Where is that beautiful house? And you may ask yourself Where does that highway go? And you may ask yourself Am I right? ...am I wrong? And you may tell yourself My god!...what have I done? -Talking Heads

Kill All the Lawyers (except American Laura)!
Unfortunately my lawyer wasn't too keen on my squatting in my own house as all Darth would have to do is call the police and say I hit her (even though I would NEVER do that – see January blogs), and I'd be carted off to jail. I have managed to stay out of jail this entire trip and would like to continue to do so. So, I guess i'm off to Bryan's on Martes.

I also gave my lawyer the verbal thrashing off a lifetime for not having his head in the game. He agreed with me. We counter offered Darth and await her answer. If it goes to court, this lawyer's gone. So let's cross our digits and hope for the best.

STAND BACK! Be silent! Be still! That's it... and look upon this moment. Savor it! Rejoice with great gladness! Great gladness! Remember it always, for you are joined by it. You are One, under the stars. Remember it well, then... this night, this great victory. So that in the years ahead, you can say, 'I was there that night, with Arthur, the King!' For it is the doom of men that they forget.

-Merlin, after the last battle uniting Britain: Excalibur

SEIGE!

I'm waiting in my cold cell when the bell begins to chime
Reflecting on my past life and it doesnt have much time
Cos at 5 oclock they take me to the gallows pole
The sands of time for me are running low
-Iron Maiden

Jueves, Seis de Septiembre 15:31

The Storm before the Calm
Well, I've got Fripp back with me in Rockville, except that Rebecca's cat, Oscar, kind of an odd bean but a good cat, has declared holy Jihad. Fripp rests comfortably in my room, under the bed in case Oscar paratroops in, while Oscar does his interpretation of that crazy “LA LA LA LA LA Brrrrrrr HA!” stuff that they do in the Middle East, which ultimately just drives me crazy. Rebecca will be home about 18:00, and we hope that a formal introduction with the respective owners will chill things out. Fripp looks like he wants to play, but hissed when Oscar tried to throw his weight around (and considerable girth he has).
Time to call more insurance companies. Goddamn you George W Bush! I piss in your Ferrari!
I think Fripp will be fine. After all, he lives with a psychopath.

17:30
I'm really fucking tired, like in my toes. In my soul. I wonder how many years this whole divorce deal has taken off my life? Oh well, I guess we all die a bit each day. Some more than others. No matter. Some days I find the fountain of youth. Let's hear it for Ponce de Leon; Spaniard, religious zealot, and you can probably add in murderer and slave driver. But at least the Spaniards brought horses here. That's kind of an even swap, no?
I am so bitter today!!!!! Sarcasm will get me everywhere!
Have any of you ever listened to Tales from Topographic Oceans by Yes? Remembering High the Memory is awesome. I am finding my center again.

Cat Wars

Oscar and Fripp are currently in neutral rooms. Thus exists a fragile peace.
And it was morning
And I found myself mourning,
For a childhood that I thought had disappeared
I looked out the window
And I saw a magpie in the rainbow, the rain had gone
I'm not alone, I turned to the mirror I saw you, the child, that once loved
-Marillion

Upside In
I was in DC and tried to get my faulty MetroCard replaced for the Metro. It has frickin $75 on it and works like crap. I asked a guy who worked there and he said to go to Metro Center. It was one stop away and my card wouldn't work. The guy told me to buy a new card!!! I said “There's 75 bills on the thing, Jack.”

“Sorry,” he said. He really wasn't, cuz if he was he would have opened the gate.
“Yes you are,” I wanted to say.

I walked to Metro Center for exercise. There was a 20 minute wait. She asked for my license. Was it registered to me, she asked.

“I guess so,” I said. “Who else would it be registered to? I used to get MetroCheck thru work (free money for commuting and not driving, but I had paid half of it).” Plus it has my name written on it in black Sharpie. YES IT'S MINE YOU FUCKING TWIT!

She came back 5 minutes later. “It's not registered to you. Go home and register online and come back. NEXT!”

“You know, you really haven't been much at all,” I said. She never even looked at me. She looked like she was concentrating on taking a shit right there behind her bullet proof glass.
And this, my dear bloggee, is what happens when entire area of people are used to sucking on the tit of the Federal Government. What the hell are we doing? No one cares at all.
And why did beer prices go up since I was last home in January? Has the whole place finally gone bonkers? I knew the Federal Government was down the shitter with Shrubby in power (the sawed-off little bastard took more vacation than me this summer!), but it's spread to everything? Damn you, Confederacy!

You maniacs!
You blew it up.
Goddamn you.
Goddamn you all to hell!
-Taylor, Planet of the Apes

THE NEWTOWN LABOR DAY PARADE (9-3-07)
(About six guys dressed as Union Soldiers march by. Another six dressed and playing instruments are playing the Battle Hymn of Republic. Smith and I sit in lawn chairs while float after float goes by, hawking this and that.)

SMITH:Just like home, huh?
EL DUDE: Back home they wear grey.
SMITH: Ha!
El DUDE: But they're playing good cracker shooting music.
SMITH: And who's gonna argue with that?

If my heart were a ball
it would roll uphill
-Marillion

Viernes, 7 de Septiembre 4:48
Can't sleep. Fripp and I are holed up in my room hiding from crazy Oscar. Fripp didn't like Caleb (the German shepard) much either, even though Caleb ignored him.

REBECCA: Hey, before Fripp comes down. We should introduce him formally to Caleb.
EL DUDE: Okay.
REBECCA: Yeah, just so he realizes he's our cat and not prey.
EL DUDE: What???!!!!!
REBECCA: So he realizes he's not prey. I guess I should have told you that earlier.
EL DUDE: How many cats has Caleb eaten?!!!!!REBECCA: None.
EL DUDE: Okay. That's better.
Caleb was fine, but that whole exchange scared the shit out of me.
I feel like everything is collapsing in on me. I guess because it is. Oh well. I never promised me a rose garden.

When the dragons grow too mighty
To slay with pen or sword
I grow weary of the battle
And the storm I walk toward

When all around is madness
And there's no safe port in view
I long to turn my path homeward
To stop a while with you
-Rush

Fripp and I are both lying in bed. Fripp is licking his balls. That must be nice.
I feel like the USA has passed me by. Like I'm just in a different place, like I don't belong here anymore. It's not just Darth, although It is a major fucking factor. It's not just time. It's not just W Bush. Not just that I'm older and in a different place. I guess it's the whole enchilada.

Heaven
Heaven is a place
where nothing
nothing ever happens
-Talking Heads

PROFANITY
I was IM-ing the Seester today, lamenting the current situation, when I accidently used the S word and said Darth's real name.

SEESTER: Ugh! You named she who shall not be named!
EL DUDE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been 36 days, 11 hours and 13 minutes since I last sinned.

Haven't slept for days
in a million different ways
my mind twists in and out

Eat a soul
swallowed whole
- there never was a doubt

Soul stealer
I cast you out
-Wayward Platypus

Fripp slumbers off my left arm peacefully. He's my idol. He digs his creature comforts and loves unconditionally. Oh brave new world that has such pussys in it!

Lunes diez (10) de Septiembre

EPISODE XXVII – FUCKING HELL

IT IS A DARK TIME FOR THE RESISTENCE. PEACE TALKS HAVE COME TO A GRINDING HALT (WITH THE EMPIRE WANTING A $50K SWING IN WHAT WAS SHOOK ON) AS TIME RUNS OUT ON EL DUDE BEFORE HE NEEDS TO RETURNS TO PLANET MADRID IN THE ESPANA SYSTEM, WHERE HE WILL BE REUNITED WITH THE BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS MARIA (AND WHAT A NAUGHTY PRINCESS SHE IS – YOU SHOULD SEE HER EMAILS!!!!). IN A LAST DITCH ATTEMPT TO RESOLVE THIS DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT, EL DUDE HAS LAID SEIGE TO THE GRECICELLO IN MCLEAN, HOPING THAT DARTH WILL SOIL HER IRON LUNG WHEN SHE ARRIVES HOME TOMORROW AFTER A FIVE HOUR FLIGHT WITH A 5 MONTH-OLD TO FIND HE INTENDS TO LIVE IN THE HOUSE THAT IS RIGHTFULLY HIS UNTIL THE CONFLICT IS SETTLED, POSTPONING HIS RETURN TO THE ESPANA SYSTEM IF NECESSARY. THE ENSUING DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE IS EXPECTED TO MAKE THE DESTRUCTION OF THE PLANET ALDERAN LOOK LIKE A FART IN A BOTTLE .

You don't form in the wet sand
I do
-Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Battle Cry!

Look at myself
Look at myself

Mr Taurus ate a thesaurus
Made the girls cry and skipped straight to the chorus
Mr Taurus had a great fall
All the King's horses were no good at all
No good at all

Here's one I broke earlier
I broke earlier

Woke up in a spaceship of shimmering gold
Tutenkhamen sleeping
Should'a left him alone
Floating round in Orion
Arrow pointing to heaven
Between all the planets
Out in the cold

Everyone I love
Everyone I love
Everyone I love
lives somewhere else

And I have time to look at myself
Look at myself
Look at myself
-Marillion

Peace talks with the Empire have come to a screeching halt as a new web of lies and deceit have been spun with a plan to not sell the house til Feb, to which I say; kiss my Jedi ass. This is a total bait and switch as I wait for her counter offer which Darth would not discuss with me and said my lawyer had it. SPoke to him this morning and he does not. Seems like a stall tactic. I have taken my lightsaber out of the trunk of the Toyota and I am ready to weild it once more.

I am dizzy with confusion, but I prepare for a 9 day war before I leave for NYC, and then Madrid. No prisoners this time.

Power begets power
nature never relents
there are dogs and there are sheep-
never second guess
-Wayward Platypus

In other news: Maria is well. One by one, the expats of the Great Scattering will be gathering in Madrid in late September. I look forward to my friends and life and work there; far from the Shadow of the Empire.

Except that this time, I will erase the Sith from the annals of history.

(Hee hee - I said Annals!)

La Adios Grande

I am not your rolling wheels
I am a highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky
-Audioslave

I have now topped 2,500 miles by driving alone, which is why the Toyota got an oil change before the Philly stop. It was great, but I am road weary.

I got my annual physical today and was poked and prodded more than an alien at Roswell! At least I was not anal probed. I get my blood work back on Monday, but he gave me a clean bill of health to the naked eye.

So thus begins the clearing of shit out of the house. I'm going to try and get it all out.
I guess this is the big good-bye to Washington DC and the Confederacy and I am so ready to go. I like crackers with cheese, not all the time.

Two weeks from now I am back in Madrid. Que bien! Got to get health insurance inbetween then, which like trying to build a fucking pyramid. In the USA you have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of medical insurance. Is that really what Washington and Jefferson meant? I doubt it.

More calls to make. It never ends.

Well, the second leg of the tour ended well. Closing with Radiohead's 'optimistic,' done acapella and drumming on garbage can lids, was a smash hit.

I'm traveling in some vehicle
I'm sitting in some cafe
A defector from the petty wars
That shell shock love away

There's comfort in melancholy
When there's no need to explain
It's just as natural as the weather
In this moody sky today

In our possessive coupling
So much could not be expressed
So now I'm returning to myself
These things that you and I suppressed

I see something of myself in everyone
Just at this moment of the world
As snow gathers like bolts of lace
Waltzing on a ballroom girl
-Joni Mitchell

Godless Black Magic

Well, i am at casa del Smith after an afternoon of hanging with Jim and having an exceptional list of afternoon beers. I am listening to the new Wayard Platypus Alb; GODLESS BLACK MAGIC. Jim, Mark, Ernie and I, and I am quite pleased with the first listen. Lovely mastering by Mark (Iman) and sick jamming by Jim y Ernie. I may add some short intrumentals on keys and drums, or maybe not!

The Smiths have not arrived yet, but I look forward to some zaniness with da boyz y Diedre. What a holiday! See all you folks across half a dozen states, see the Mets, the Nats, record an album and see a Rush show! Que bien!