Trials of being an Expat; part 1

I'm hiding in Honduras
I'm a desperate man
Send lawyers, guns and money
The shit has hit the fan
-Warren Zevon


Hello dear Blogees!

As i convalesce after Rage IX, i am also waist high in the drudgery of paperwork. I need to find new health coverage as Kaiser only covered me in DC. I need to find a new bank because Bank of America sucks. I need a new Visa card because on the B of A one "disputes did not apply to International purchases," according to the Epsilon minus semi-moron i spoke to in May. Maybe he hasn't seen all of those VISA commercials for the Olympics on TV every seven minutes.

But i did register to vote and get an absentee ballot. I also fixed the auto debits that stopped when my credit card was stolen.

And Russia - well, trying to get an entry tourist visa is like trying to knock up a giant panda. If worse comes to worse i'll just bag the trip. But i will continue to try and get it done.

Observations and Mid-Tour wishes:

• The Ruskies really have not figured out this capitalism thing
• Shrubby should be tried for war crimes and crimes against sensibility
• The only place to get the REAL news in the USA is The Daily Show and The Cobert Report
• I still cannot believe how great all of the musicians at the Rage are and that i get to jam with them
• My US residence is in CT (Save me Jebus!).
  
• CT summers are very humid
• You need to sell your first born to get a ticket at Yankee Stadium this year
• My friends and I are old
• Frippy is still my boy
• Annie Greco is as cute as the proverbial bug's ear
• Our children ready to take their place in the world in the next 20 years as our influence begins to wane

Lastly, i have given away most of my wordly possessions like a Buddhist Monk. The two things i cannot part with are my ipod and my schlong. Everything else is gone or up for grabs.

Wayward Platypus Songs Performed at the Rage:

• Ships burn
• Can't Picture
• Don Peyote
• Phoenix
• The other half
• Don't forget about the sea 1
• If i saw you in Denver
• Hopeless
• Between Heaven and Earth
• Sounds of the Day*
• Last Wishes*
• I can't be the one*
• Side Show Bob's revenge*

* Adults songs

Scenes from a Rage

Rage, rage against the dying of the light
-Dylan Thomas

Well, Rock and Roll Rage IX is history, but the hangover lingers. I saw folks from University i've known for 23 years. Damn! Half a lifetime.

The events included volleyball, baseball, and a whole lot of jamming. The Platypus got to jam with with Science on horn, which rocked.

Personally, the summer tour will be recovering in Ansonia for a few days. More dates to follow!

I took a lot of photos but they were all confiscated by "Dibbs for America 2016" in case he runs.

Ethan Allen and the Green Mountain Boys

(on the telephone this weekend)
Aunt Nunnie: So what does Jay look like these days?
Mum: Hairy.

I am in the isle of Jersey, heading to VT tomorrow. I am road weary but had a great day with the McFadden's. Megan and Lyndsay are adorable. So is my 88 year old Aunt Nunnie that i got to see earlier in the day. She's 88 and watches the Colbert Report! How's that for kick ass?

I will be out of pocket, i think, well out of Internet Range. And cell coverage too, most likely. So stay well. I shall return with tales from Rock and Roll Rage IX.

Tales from Vactationland

It's the parents fault! Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?

-Bender, Futurama

Note to self: The Mets only win if i watch. I must watch more Mets games.





New Tour Dates: Summer 2008 "Kicking ass under the overpass" Tour

July 22 - New Milford, NJ
July 23 - 26 Londonderry, VT
July 27 - Boston, MA

Got fuel to burn, got roads to drive
-Neil Young

Saw the Smith Tribe this weekend, as well as Sly and the family Sheridan. Listened to a lot of Beatles with the boys. Went kayaking. Swam off of a Norwalk beach. Had a few barbecues. Had a load of laughs. Hunted the two boys mercilessly with a water gun rifle. But I had my own battle scars:

• Sneaker to back of head
• Nasty razor slash on right index finger (not so good for drumming in VT)
• Blister on right heel (even worse for drumming)
• Canoe oar to mouth (thanks Connor!). No harm no foul. I was fine.

I am the Eggman
I am the Eggman
I am the Walrus
Coo coo, kachoo!
_ the Beatles, as sung by Connor "Conman" Smith, age 4.
*Author's note: his voice is very raspy and sounds like Gilbert Godfrey

Here and There

Days in USA - 10
Miles driven by car - 750 miles
Times crossing Mason Dixon line - 2x
Visits to CT DMV with Colin - 1x
Visits to Shea Stadium - 1x
Concerts - 1
Barbecues - 4
Times headbutted in the balls by a Smith child - 3

Seeing old friends - priceless.

For everything else - there's the stolen Visa card i 'found' in the Walt Whitman Rest Stop on the Jersey Turnpike.

The New Republic

(photo: Neville Chamberlain)

And we shall have peace...
-Emperor Palpatine , Revenge of the Sith

Friday June 11th: Barbecued at Casa del Tietjen with the Smiths and Mum. Great time.

Saturday June 12th: Rush at PNC Center with the Seester. They were jammier than i have ever seen and just rocked!

Sunday: The long drive to DC. I saw Frippy, Annie and the woman formerly known as Darth, whom i shall now call Padme. I am happy to say that i believe the past is the past and that we can finally move forward in an era of peace. Hallelujah! All three of them looked great

Monday: Had a huge barbecued steak with Bryan and Rebecca in Rockvile, MD. Spain does not have a place like Iowa, so the beef is sorely lacking.

TRAVELOGUE

Plane
Madrid to London - 961
London to JFK - 3,452

Coche
Wilton to Has Hghts, NJ - 57 miles
Has Hghts to Rockville, MD - 240 miles

Grand total so far - 4710 miles

I'm porous with travel fever
But you know Im so glad to be on my own
Still somehow the slightest touch of a stranger
Can set up trembling in my bones

I know - no one's going to show me everything
We all come and go unknown
Each so deep and superficial
Between the forceps and the stone
-Joni Mitchell

alignment

Only you could be back in the country less than 24 hours and have already been to Shea Stadium
-The Seester

Ha ha! Had a beautiful day with the Mom. The stars were aligned. She picked me up at Mel's and we went to see the Mets, playing a day game, who completed their sweep of the Giants. Rock and Roll! Remarkably, Kevin was at Shea using the corporate seats from Toillote and Douche and we met him there. It was a blast!

Only the timing need be miraculous
-Brother Boyle, Bergen Catholic, circa 1983

Although you may think i'm nuts, though you may have thought this anyway, i stand by my pre-season World Series prediction, Mets over Detroit.

The Mum is watching The View. I have an overwhelming desire to lock Whoopi Goldberg and Barbara Walters in a lead safe and drop it in the Long Island Sound.

I can see it now- 10,000 years later after the planet is long destroyed, Alien anthropologists find the safe, open it, and their skeletons are still talking!

Here Again

You can't go home again
-Robert Frost

I don't mean to be a pothole on your road less travelled, but you can. I mean, just look at me. Here I am, for fuck's sake!

The Seester picked me up at JFK some 18 hours after I left my flat in Madrid. The highlight was fish and chips and a cold fresh Bass ale in London. Also, the movie Street Kings is the best cop movie i've seen since LA Confidential.

Once we finally found our way out of JFK, we got back to the Seester's house and had some exquisite cheeseburgers with Janet and the animals. My body says it's 16:00 (and my laptop) but the alarm clock says 10: 00 am. And even though i slept 8 hours i am sleepy. Good night everybody! Here's to sweet slumbers in New Jersey.

See Bobby, you can go home. So shove that up your birch tree!

Oh, oh I've, I've been in one place too long.
Is it ever gonna, ever gonna change again?
-Rush

Scenes from a Memory part II

Everybody's got someone they call home
-Roger waters

(from top left to right, left click for larger image))

Plaza Colon wall, commemorating great explorers and ships. Photo shows Santa Maria

Madrid flag

Yolanda and Rut – students at Banco Santander

Spain wins the Euro Cup

Car dancing after Euro Cup

Fire lighting after Euro Cup

El Dude

Very strange farmacia window

Giant flag at Plaza Colon

Sunrise at the flat

Maria, Nuria, and Fernando – students at British Telecom

Gold record for Rush / Moving Pictures at Hard Rock Cafe Madrid

Photo of Tommy Bolin at Hard Rock Cafe Madrid

Plaza Colon

Duvel the crazy May Day dog

Plaza Colon wall (again)

Other happenings;

• I made new friends and saw old friends move on.

• We found out that La Profesora needs professional help.

• More people learned English (hopefully).

• Espana won the Euro Cup.

• Atletico Madrid qualified for the Champions League.

• Jose Luis Zapatero, PSOE (socialist) won the presidential election in Spain.

• We learned that Casablanca sucks.

• We learned not to fall asleep on the Metro. And that gypsies suck.

• We learned that McCain sucks.

• People in Madrid with dogs suck. They never pick up their dog turds. They just leave them in the middle of the sidewalk.

• That the new Joe Satriani album rocks.

• That the Internet shrinks the planet.

• That if Boston wins one more sports championship i may have to climb the Hancock Building with a rifle.

• Don't eat beans, gazpacho and figs the night before a transatlantic flight!

That's a wrap people! We're done for the season. Last one out, shut off those lights. See you in the States!

And your heart beats so slow
Through the rain and fallen snow
Across the fields of mourning
Lights in the distance

Oh don't sorrow, no don't weep
For tonight, at last
I am coming home

-U2

(El Dude's wardrobe provided by Old Navy)

Decompression

(photo: the Terazza at night)

Highlights of the 4^th of July Party:

• The bird who pooped on my party guests while on the terrace

• Laura had a mini make up party during the barbecue with a few if the gals.
  

• I have a cup with Kristen's balls in it: She loves to wear necklaces with big clunky beads and then she plays with them. And then they break. And then little balls are everywhere. Very dangerous on a terrace. I found the last of them while cleaning.
  

• Grease fire! How can there be a party without one? (quickly extinguished – i know the drill). This little electric grill fills up with grease quickly.

• Laura's chicken nuggets

• Nicole's beef and chicken

• Rebecca's brownies

• NY style hot dogs with sweet onion sauce

• Alphonso smelling onions out in the street before he rang the bell

• Watching Mets / Phils over the Internet

• The last 4 people here were all Spanish

• Party ends at 5:30 with birds circling. We had learned or lesson.

Run to the hills
Run for your lives
-Iron Maiden

Today I cleaned up and mopped everything, even the terrace. The house is spanking clean. Hooray. It took long enough.

I watched the insane Sunday game with the Mets and Phils, with a 2 hour plus rain delay and then it went 12 innings after Wagner blew the save. But they won!

Tomorrow: room cleaning and packing. I won't bring much. Most of my sh*t is on that side of the Atlantic.

Coming home. It always seems so surreal. And then i get there and time has passed even though i haven't been there to see it. Time has some gall!

But this place is home too. I finally have a nice flat i can have guests over too. The terrace is nice and cool at night. When it's hot I just sleep out there and wake up at five to the birds. Then i run to bed and go back to sleep.

I was thinking today, it's been good to have this week at home to decompress. Last year i decompressed in London. This year in Madrid.

T -9 and counting. Prepare for re-entry in less than 72 hours.

It's 3:16 am on lunes morning. Good night people! I hope you had a good 4^th of July weekend. We Americans here in Madrid sure as hell did.

Afterimages

(photo: sunrise in Madrid)


I feel like I'm sleeping
Can you wake me
You seem to have a broader sensibility
I'm just living on nerves and feelings
With a weak and a lazy mind
And coming to peoples parties
Fumbling deaf dumb and blind
-Joni Mitchell


Well, the 4th of July party was a big success. I made Hotdogs with New York style onions. Cara brought chicken and beef. Rebecca made brownies. Laura made chicken nuggets. And we had the Yankees and the Mets on HD via the computer.

American Laura did not lean against a cactus this time (we don't have one) and get thorns in her ass like at Syd's party. What a pain in the butt. I tried to brush them off her, but just got them in my hand. They were invisible! She said they were a chore to get out of her dress and when she showered. I don't want to think about it.

Lots of Spanish folks came and had a good time. They are amazed at barbecuing. It so funny.

And Alphonso finally met Carl, our potential bassist. So we intend to jam tomorrow. 'The Project' is what we call ourselves so far.

We were up until 5:30. It's now 15:00 and i need to clean. And then start to pack. Just 72 hours before I get on a plane.

And I have to call La Wackadoo as I suppossed to get my stuff today. Then I can say goodbye to her forever. Woo hoo!

Okay! Motivate! Watch how fast i go....

Hephaestus

You don't care for me
I don't care about that
Gotta new fool, ha!
I like it like that

I have only one burning desire
Let me stand next to your fire
-Jimi Hendrix



Sydney had her 4th of July party yesterday and I was the griller. They had real carbon charcoal (you could see where it used to be a tree!). It took a lot of lighter fluid on that windy terrace, but that mother eventually burned. Hot dogs wrapped in bacon. Yum. And Hamburgers. It was fun.

Today will be much easier with the electric grill. Time to get a move on!

I got paid by the Daft Cunt yesterday, so all work stuff is over!

So my 4th party tonight. Good way to say good-bye for the summer as the Great Scattering II begins. Friends say 'adios' and return to their roots for a while. Some for the foreseeable future. And the planet rotates and continues to orbit the sun. Season Three is coming to an end.

Speaking of geological time; Buying New Soul is now 37,000 words. Most of what is new has been the harrowing backstory of Natasha the Christmas Whore, also known as the White Witch.

I saw Prince Caspian on Thursday and it Great! Surprisingly so!

Have fun! Be safe! Don't blow up anything you may need tomorrow!

Cuatro de julio

Cause I heard it in the wind
And I saw it in the sky
And I thought it was the end
And I thought it was the 4th of July
-Soundgarden

Here's to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays spanking Boston! Who would have thunk it!

And to the USA. And Freedom. The freedom to consume. The freedom to wear funny underwear. The freedom of music.

Elba

I started out on burgundy
But soon hit the harder stuff
everybody said they'd stand behind me
When the game got rough
But the joke was on me
There was nobody even there to call my bluff
I'm going back to New York City
I do believe I've had enough

-Bob Dylan

I did not go to Galicia. My wallet was stolen on the metro on Sunday morning so i decided to cancel it.

Never fall asleep on the Metro! Stupid of me. Oh well, live and learn. American Laura was a wreck with her boyfriend leaving – hysterical. And we had been out all night at bars as a going away party for Mark so she was a mess. So i was with her til 7am, exhausted. I took the Metro, fell asleep and they cut my phone and wallet right out of my pockets.

But they missed me! Ha ha! I was not cut! So there!

This happens to everyone eventually (Irlanda habitually!). But it could have been much worse. I am safe and unharmed. They got very little money. I canceled cards and will get new ones with the help of Super Seester. I've already got a new card from my Spanish bank. So I'll be fine. And the phone was dying anyway. 40 E phones don't last more than a year.

But it worked for the best as it is pissing rain in Galicia right now. And have more time to organize.

So i am in Madrid. Biding my time until I escape from my self-imposed exile and back to the land of milk and cheap oil. No, i haven't lost my mind. Oil is still at least $2.00 more a gallon here.

I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run!

-Soundgarden

Things are changing. I can feel it.

David's last night is tonight. Kristen is leaving in Sept. Mark's gone. Irlanda has come and gone again. American Laura may be back. She doesn't know yet.

But new friends are entering the picture; Alphonso, Cara. And there will be others.

And slowly turns the grinding wheel
In the court of the Crimson King

-King Crimson

So i have been trying to sort out my room. Chema and i cleaned the flat. And i have been writing my balls off. They were rolling all over the floor yesterday.

It's 3pm and only 25 C. yeah!

And then i will leave. Maybe even in Dec. Something is calling me. I just don't know what or where. I have everything I need for this new novel. The fundamental story is mapped out, it's just flushing out characters and adding events. And writing the fucking thing!

I grow weary of no one at a supermarket giving a flying fuck if you got what you need.

And the old people who cut you in line and walk in front of you at .5 Km an hour but purposely won't let you pass. And salute pictures of Franco at home.

But for now, this is home. So i go to take lunch on the terazza (unthinkable during the day last week!).

From life alone to life as one,
Think not now your journeys done
For though your ship be sturdy, no
Mercy has the sea,
Will you survive on the ocean of being?

-Genesis