Hallowed Weenies

Blame it on the black star
Blame it on the falling sky
Blame it on the satellite that beams me home
-Radiohead

Happy Halloween Charlie Brown! I hope all the little ghouls and goblins have a blast! Don't eat too much candy and the best way to throw an egg is 25 – 40 meters from your target. Never get too much lift on your egg – they have a tendency to get away from you!

Not sure what we are doing tonight. Halloween is only just staring to become popular (It will become more popular as the Spanish economy grows stronger and stronger and more and more corporations want to sell Halloween shit here). Maria and I will, at the very least, keep up the tradition that started with the Seesters of “funny hat night.” From there, who knows. Then i move in tomorrow and have a 4 day weekend. Boo yeah!

I wore my Mets hat during the 1^st five minutes of class as my Halloween costume. The shame is they wouldn't know baseball if it bit them in the ass and waved a flag.

I just finished John Irving's A Widow for One Year, which was absolutely amazing. Books get devoured here while i am on the train and Metro.

I also recently read Phillip Roth's American Pastoral, which was excellent but so dark and depressing i wanted to suffocate myself with a garbage bag. In the end I opted against it.

It is Cold Here! Like 7 degrees C at night. Last night the wind was brutal. Can't wait to get my winter clothes. Cheers all!

Kristen Takes a Lover

(Pueblo Nuevo is where the green and orange intersect on the Eastsiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!)

Jeremiah was a bullfrog
Was a good friend of mine
I never understood a single word he said
But I helped him a-drink his wine
And he always had some mighty fine wine
Singin'...

Joy to the world
All the boys and girls now
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me

-Three Dog Night

Here we are
At the beginning of the last century for man
Usin' up parts of the world we haven't even seen or been to
The wretched of the earth exploited by the rich few
What's new?

If you are not outraged
You haven't been paying attention
If you are not outraged
You haven't been listening

God bless America, I mean it
God bless the UK, I mean it
God bless la belle France, I mean it
And God help us all
-Marillion

They Said It:

La Profesora: Mama, I don't want to take any bacon. I don't cook it.
Mama de La Profesora: You're living with an American. Take it!

Mum: I read your brother's blog. What is it with the whips?
Seester: Don't even ask me that question. Ugh!

La Profesora: Take your time learning Spanish. Once I understand you I may find out I don't like you!

La Profesora:Oh my god! I cannot tell my mommy you are an illegal immigrant!

La Profesora:We have the perfect relationship. All we do is go out and drink and fuck.
El Dude:Si, es fantastico!

La Profesora: For all I know, all Americans call people "baby" and say "I love you."
And are really liberal.

En la cocina
Kristen, my former flatmate, the daughter I never wanted, has taken a lover. She found him in her cocina (kitchen). Her and Syd were going to have a quiet Saturday night in their pajamas watching movies because Kristen thought her flatmate was out for the evening. Instead, his friend came from Salamanca. They offered the gals wine and cooked them dinner, and Gregorio swept Kristen off her feet. Good for her! All love is groovy.

Older

Guiness (left) and Bichito raise hell









(the obligatory castle in Burgohondo)

Half the world lies
Half the world learns
Half the world flies
As half the world turns

Half the world cries
Half the world laughs
Half the world tries
To be the other half
-Rush

Lunes 11:24

Great weekend. Nice and relaxed. I needed that. I get my flat on Friday, which dominates my thoughts. I need my space, I need to fly. Won' t you please let me fly!

Short week with All Saint's this week, which sucks cause I loose work, but i have two intensives in Nov, so that helps cash. And I get four days to put my flat in order. Important things like; lava lamps, mirors on the ceiling, fridges in every room, and pics of naked women on the walls.

JJ called last night at 1 am. I was asleep. At least he is alive, and probably has my stuff. How I can't wait to get my clothes and stuff. I wear the same shirts so often I feel like a cartoon character.

I see the Red Sox won the WS. Congrats to all you chowderheads. For me it's just a big snore. I see the overachieving Rockies fell to the same fate as the Tigers the year before. There have been a lot of WS sweeps lately. I see A-Rod is a free agent. That is also a snore. He'll wind up in some hell hole like Colorado, but he could hit 90 Hrs.

Best week to be a Seahawks fan: BYE WEEK! They picked up ½ game on SF!

We got no coverage here of the NFL game in London. The other Futbol rules here.

Atleti won 1-0 over Levante of Valencia. KICK ASS!

The bitter war of words continues with Darth. Armies mass at the border. She actually called me at 2:30 am on sabado morning (friday night). It went to VM as I was actually asleep at 2:30 AM, for once, but Maria heard it ringing and tried to find it, thinking it must be important. If only she had answered it in time. That would have been fucking priceless! Darth knows nothing of Maria, at least not from me.

Anyway, she was calling because I had not answered her ridiculous emailing about waiting to settle till after the house is sold. The rub is she needs my signature (heh heh heh).

This woman did not call me to tell me Annie was born. She emailed me the news that Annie was not my daughter. Yet she calls me for this.

I shall strike hard and heavy, with Yaweh-like biblical fury (God is such a BAD ASS in the Bible). Fair warning to all.

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

[Ezekiel 25:17 ]

All else is well. Each day I grow older, which is kind of the point.

listening to:

Live Cream Bootlegs
Tool - Undertow
Flaming Lips- At War with the Mystics, the Soft Bulletin
Ani DiFranco- Not a Pretty Girl
Genesis-- the Lamb Lives

Moving right along

Just because you feel it
doesn't mean it's there
-Radiohead

Jueves: 12:15

Good News First
The good news is that i am all set with my flat. Bad news is I can't move in til Nov. 1 because they are painting this weekend , buying a TV, putting my double bed in (which they call a matrimonio: how prudish!). So it's another week of the long frustrating commute from Getafe.

Today was unbearable. I left with plenty of time. When I got to Linea 6, i fed my monthly pass ticket into the machine and it ate it! Fucking machina! I had to get a security guard to open it up and it was torn, so he had to make me out a whole new ticket, which wasted my time. I made sure to get on THE RIGHT WAY today. Didin't matter. We left the station and stopped. It's normally 2 minutes between stops – it was 10 or 15. So now I am cutting it close. I finally get to Linea 9 and have one stop to go, and we stop. And stop. And stop.Ten minutes later, we are still stopped. When the doors open, I run out and decide to walk, which was 15 minutes. It looked like an old man was sick as they were attending to him as I ran out of the Metro. It least this time it was stopped for a reason, poor dude. I got there at at 8:55, too late to start class, so i don't get paid. Next class in 5 hours. Lucky me!

And now I am on the light rail (M3) to Cantabria to teach at Banco Santander. I did get a lot of stuff done though- projects for work, checking that my tickets for the Dec trip to the uSA are in order. They are.

So no Halloween party at my place. Oh well. And next weekend is a four day weekend (what else is new?) for all Saint's day. They are godless here, but yet still have all the Catholic holidays as the legacy of Franco. And Franco, this devout Catholic, was a murdering hijo de puta. So it goes. And on and on and on and on.

14:11

I have tomorrow off – or maybe just one make up class. I need a break from the commute. But tonight, Atletico plays Lokomotiv Moscow in Russia in the UEFA Cup at 18:45. Then Getafe plays Tottenham at White Hart Lane at 20:45. They are both on TV, so I will cook up la Profesora and I some dinner and we shall feast at the trough of football (she likes Getafe, of course). Then I sleep. And sleep and sleep and sleep.

Not sure where my students are. They are always late. In general, Spanish students are lazy as shit going uphill in a snowstorm. Generally.

Starting to get colder here. Only about 15 degrees today. The mornings and evenings are brisk. Getting out of a warm bed is hell, especially because the cat posse attacks the minute I step out of the bedroom.


17:11
I'm on the light rail coming home. Weekend time! Kick ass! 3 day weekends make the crazy Lunes – Jueves schedule worth it. Go Atleti! Go Getafe! Go Greased Lightning!

Offspring
La Profesora is so funny in English – I can't even imagine how fucking funny she must be in Spanish (humor is the HARDEST thing to get when learning a language). The other night she climbs on top of me and says “I want to have a baby and name him Lingo Bongo!” Lingo Bongo is the intercambio language exchange site we met on. She said it so serious I burst out laughing.

“Lingo Bongo Greco Lopez” I said. We were laughing so hard it the became Gringo Bongo Greco Lopez, which is even funnier.

It was a joke, Mum, A joke!

Sabado 12:37
Finally, a day to just get my shit together. I worked one hour yesterday, none today, none tomorrow. No frantic commuting to Madrid for class. La Profesora is with her family for customary Saturday Comida, so the cats and I hold down the fort. Maybe see some friends in Madrid tonight. Have a nice weekend all!

For the record, Atleti tied with Lokomotiv 3-3 in a thriller and Getafe beat Tottenham 2-1 and the Spurs coach was sacked immediately after. Life's a bitch!

You arrived in my life like a fragrance and
you help me find a little laugh
Now I Know how so-called beauty lies

God gave him a face
Then he gave me something above
God gave me a grace
Man, he gave me your sweet, sweet, sweet love

You make me feel like I'm a real good looking boy
I feel I'm a real good looking boy
That's a real good looking boy
That's a real good looking boy
-The Who

Plastic Flowers and Laundry

Cities full of hatred, fear and lies
Withered hearts and cruel, tormented eyes
Scheming demons dressed in kingly guise Beating down the multitude and
Scoffing at the wise
Can 't we raise our eyes and make a start? Can't we find the minds to lead us
Closer to the heart?
-Rush

(The Goat of Prophecy in Burgohondo)

In the past month, I have experienced two very intimate moments with laundry. This may sound like the ravings of a madman, but what else is new? The first was when i left some dirty laundry in a bag at the Seester's. “I'll do it for you so that it doesn't reek when you get back.”

Unnecessary, but very sweet. You see, for the past few years or so, I haven't lived with someone who really cared about helping me. I'm not advocating that women should be reduced to doing my laundry, but that fact that someone wants to do it, just to help you out a little, well... this is something special.

The second incident was coming home from the Metro yesterday. Maria said she'd run a load of laundry for me when she came home at lunch (i was out of boxers!). I said i could just hang them when i got home as laundry often takes 2 hours for a cycle here (why i don't know). I came to the door of her flat and saw the red and white stripes of an Athletico Madrid jersey blowing in the wind. Nice, I thought. Then I saw a DC United shirt and thought, that's my stuff! She had hung my clothes for me. It was so sweet, that someone just wanted to do that for me.

So how do I return the favor? I have been trying to buy this woman flowers for weeks, but i can never fucking find them. So last Saturday, out of desperation, I bought her purple plastic flowers from the Chino. She laughed her ass off. Guiness, the kitten, ate one.

Welcome to modern love, Madrid style.

She said son, “well you know you're an ugly boy
you don't really look like him.
In this long line there's been some real strange genes
you've got 'em all, you've got'em all, with some extras thrown in!”
-the Who

Adventures by Metro
Getafe is a burb to the south of Madrid, still part of Madrid. The commute to work for 8am is a bitch. Today I thought i was being all clever getting off of the bus early and take Linea 6, the circular line. But things are marked like shit here, and I went around the opposite way and there was no way to change lines that made sense. Ugh!!!!!I showed up 20 minutes late for class, exasperated and disheveled. My students were cool about it (Antonio loves Rush – woo hoo!).

More
I know there's more I want to tell you, just can't think of it right now. It's 16:17 and I am on the Metro – I teach the kids at 6, Isidro at 7 and then sign the contract for my flat and hopefully get the keys (llaves!). Much thanks to Mum, who gave me a sizeable loan to cover my deposit and pay off my credit card debt while my assets are frozen like i was fucking Bin Laden or something! Thanks Mum!

Down South in Getafe

(getafe Cercanias train station on The Oydessy Sabado evening)

Oh, what a lucky man he was!
-Emerson, Lake and Palmer

Lunes

Been a busy weekend! Saturday was profound as La Profesora and I watched the Exit Stage...Left DVD. Before we even got to Xanadu, with the legendary dueling double-necks, she turned to me during the Trees and said “These guys are really great,” which prompts me to declare that I am in love.

What else happened last week?

• I got a flat and think i can move in on Friday, which would rock as I have this weekend off

• Got to see my first live Atletico game of the year and they annihilated Zaragoza

• I somehow broke a tooth eating a kebap afterwards and see the dentist tomorrow morning

• I had a whore of a time getting to Getafe as they either changed train tracks on me or i caught the wrong train on the Cercanias. I was still just a few km away when i got off, and tried to get a taxi, but no taxi's were working because a taxi driver had been killed. They shut down taxi's for two days! I don't know the circumstances, but doesn't NYC lose at least 1 cabbie per night? (Hmmm...the Internet tells me he was knifed.) Sad, but to bring the whole city to a standstill? This is how terrorists influenced the last Presidential election. It's shameful how easily they can be swayed.

• I got another intensive weekend in Avila on Nov 29

• I'm also teaching an intensive for Alex on Nov 17 y 18 in Segovia, the city. They have a Roman Aqueduct from like 500 AD!

• Commuting to Madrid from Getafe is a bitch!

• I ordered a hamburger with cheese, flawlessly in Spanish, and the waitress shouted “Speak English!” Fuck you bitch, there goes your tip. Why is everyone so nasty on Lunes? Half the people here don't even work hard!

• Before I had Internet and the computer was out of power. Now i have power and no Internet. Welcome to Spain. Welcome to Lunes.

• Maria told me last night, “ I bought some anchoas, so feel free to make your pasta again!” Sweet, he he.

• When i get the Internet, I have pictures from Burgohondo, where i was near Avila.

• La Profesora must be the only woman in Spain without an iron! Man is my shit wrinkled. (My is either at the Mural Bar or in JJ's car, if he is still amongst the living.

• Fresh from the “Are you fucking kidding?” Department, I got an email from Darth, saying “Hey- i never heard back from you on this – so I'm resending it.” It was the email about her not wanting to settle until the house sells. I was simply ignoring her as I no longer have the stomach to reply to her nonsense. She no longer exists for me. She is myth, like the bogeyman, or the Jersey Devil, or like getting gonorrhea from riding a tractor in a bathing suit.

Roll away the stone
Roll away the stone
If you would just move yours
I could get working on my own
-Rush

15:52

I am typing on the Metro. Forgot my book to read ( my possessions are all scattered and i am scatter-brained. My 2:30 class was canceled but the bus took forever. Just a few more stops to the Cercanias train at Atoche. Then onto Getafe! I am exhausted.

Almost have the revisions done for the marketing class (that's what I was working on). Somebody in this Metro car smells like they haven't bathed in 7 days and they've been eating shit and black beans. They don't have enough respect for deoderant around here. Por que? Por que?????

Alright, time to shift trains.

16:05 Fuck! Just missed the train. Bitches brew!!

6:20 AM this morning:

La Profesora: Wake up! It's a glorious day!!

El Dude: Huh? Where am I? Where are my clothes? Oh... hey baby.

La Profesora: Wake up! It's a glorious day!!

El Dude: Ughh. Shit.

LP: Wake up!

ED: Okay, okay. And for the record, You naked is glorious. Athletico winning 4-0 is glorious. That thing you did the other night with the blindfold and your mouth and the ice cube – that was glorious. Lunes morning is not glorious.

LP: You're going to be late!

ED: Vale. Okay, Okay.

Okay – I am on the train. The right train, to Parla. I get off at Las Margaritas. I am quite tired and my ass hurts from these hard seats.

Halloween Prep

If I am in my flat in time, I will have a Halloween house warming party. La Profesora has a thing for Vigo Mortensen and the Lord of the Rings (Senor de los Anillos here). I'm a cheap imitation, but i've got the Aragorn thing going with the hair and beard. I am trying to convince her to go as Arwen (liv Tyler's character) with pointy ears. Grrrrrrrrr! So far she hasn't bought into it.

Listening to:

Smashing Pumpkins: Zeitgeist
Rush: Snakes and Arrows
Stone Temple Pilots: Core
Led Zeppelin I

We're at Villaverde Bajo.

Things are good at Maria's. None of the cats have sexually assaulted me, lately. But it's small and the cats command quite a presence. Can't wait to move into the new place.

Here's Villaverde Alto. I'm the next stop. See you all in cyberspace.

You're just like crosstown traffic
So hard to get through to you!
-Jimi Hendrix

And the thing that you're hearing is only the sound
of the low spark of high-heeled boys
-Traffic

Domingo

Yee hoo! Atleti romped 4 - 0. Diego Forlan had a gorgeous goal and tehy scored in the 88th minute to cap it off. Atleti´s problem last year was they did not possess a killer instinct. Anyhoo, game was a blast and Laura and Mark had a great time too.

Time to go to bed. Long trek to Madrid tomorrow for 8am. EEEEEEEK!

MLB - I say the Sox take game 7. Should be a blast. Looks like the Seahawks may be in 1st after today in the woeful NFC worst. Bichito, La Profesora´s only male cat, is sitting with my as i type. He´s a fine young lad.

Game Day

I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around me
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
Then I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
-the Who

bang bang
Maxwell´s silver hammer
came down upon her head
-the Beatles (As interpreted by El Dude)

Okay! Just a note to let you know I arrived safely in Getafe after the intensive course. It is 18:45 and I need to meet Mark and Laura at the game. Hope you had a nice weekend. All is well. Really, really good.

Alive

Is something wrong, she said
Well of course there is
Youre still alive, she said
Oh, and do I deserve to be
Is that the question
And if so...if so...who answers...who answers...
-Pearl jam

Siesta in Avila.

Plans are being made. Armies are on the move and messengers sneak skillfully along the forest floor. My assault will be bloody and swift.

Been a long time since i fought a guerilla war. Let's see: empty beer bottles - check! Petrol - check! Lighter - Check! Poison darts - check! Axe - check! Pillow case and door knobs - check! Britney Spears CD's to blast at an enemy that has bunkered down - check! Let's lock and load people!

And the meek shall inherit the Earth
-Jesus / Rush

And the meek shall inherit Jack shit
-El Dude

Abandoning Osgiliath

Screaming, screaming for vengeance
-Judas priest

Martes 16:43

Looks like my last class blew me off. Yee hoo! So now i am back ing up my computer because i sometimes get a core failure notice and i lost some work yesterday. I have a lot of lessons on this fucking thing so better to be safe than sorry! It's 45 minutes into class now, so i can bail as soon as this finishes backing up to the external hard drive. Then i go to the Guzman El Bueno Metro (I have no idea what was so good about Guzman) and teach Miguel Angel, an 18 year old kid. Nice guy. Beautiful day today. Maybe like 68 degrees, 20 celsius.

Today in one class we talked about American and Spanish politics and how marketing affected the 2002 American presidential election. It was sweet.

Tomorrow is October 17^th. It is the day we lost the baby I called Zira back in 2002. Four years later, by no mere coincidence, it was the day Darth and I separated. I'm okay with all of this. We move on. We're people and that's what we fucking do, we move on. I'm going to go to Getafe to see la Profesora tomorrow. I just realized the date. I think it's a good night to spend with her.

Jueves 11:11

You'll take my life but I'll take yours too
You'll fire your musket but I'll run you through
So when your waiting for the next attack
You'd better stand cuz there's no turning back
-Iron Maiden

It is with a heavy heart that i report that Darth has lied to me yet again, and gone back on her word and our deal yet again. She met with her lawyer and the accountant and she claims they told her she will encounter tax problems if she sells it on her own. Her email, which is cowardly way to break a deal with someone (but then again that is how she tried to tell me I was not Annie's dad ) said she was sure I would understand why she won't sell till the house is sold. Here's something I hope she understands this: Fuck you lying maggot-hearted strumpet!

My lawyer said she can still sign and is contacting her lawyer. Of course I leave for an intensive weekend course in Avila is 2 hours and will be hard to contact all weekend. I once again spelled it out for him that if he can't resolve this, he's gone.

I have a couple of ideas on how i can coerce her to give me MY money earlier. I have a lot of credit card and i am getting killed on finance charges. Even a portion of MY life savings would make my life easy.

Don't get divorced. I really wouldn't recommend it.

When this is all over, I never want to see or talk to Darth ever again. Never thought that I'd say that, but there it is.

We get so close near enough to fight
When a Russian gets me in his sights
He pulls the trigger and I feel the blow
A burst of rounds take my horse below

And as I lay there gazing at the sky
My body's numb and my throat is dry
And as I lay forgotten and alone
Without a tear I draw my parting groan

-Iron Maiden

By my best count, I have about 57 letters to write to family and friends who Darth may not have told that I am NOT Annie's father.

That poor little girl!

Good News Last

The good news is that I got that flat in a Pueblo Nuevo off the Linea 5 and 7 with a wrap around patio at a good price. I will rent it from Isidro, Maite's bro, and rent out the other room.

The bad news is that I was going to use MY money from when we settled to pay the deposit. Oh well. I'll figure some shit out.

Osgiliath is the last city the men of Gondor abandon in the Lord of the Rings. It leads to the last stand at Minas Tirith – the final battle between good and evil.

And that's where I'm at. If I have to sue her, I will. I am sad and tired, but goddammit I want what is mine and I want this over with. I didn't have an affair. I didn't make her go through paternity testing. I didn't lie. I didn't put her entire family through hell for 5 months.

But Goddammit, I'm going to end it. Here and now.

There can be only one.
-Highlander

Alright, half my shit is in a spare room at Maria's, who I will stay with till i can move in to my new flat, next weekend i hope. I am cleaning and leaving Maite's today, and taking a few things to Avila. The other half of my shit is divided between the local bar and JJ's car. If JJ's still alive as I haven't heard from him in weekes. I sure hope so. Some of my best dress shirts are in his fucking trunk and I'm a bit strapped for cash right now!

Aisle of Plenty

(Swinging at the San Isidro Festival in Mayo)

Martes 10:37

Ambition flies on silver wings
Searching for a crown
King of kings they pull the strings
'Till they run you down
No matter what you've undergone
The measure of success
Is how much you can charge it on
American Express

Caught in the river
You can't stop the flood
Well that's the power of money
Paper blood

-Emerson, Lake and Palmer

Peace Negotiations

Well, this morning, US eastern time, Darth is supposed to see her lawyer. I hope any tweaks she has to our divorce settlement will be minor and that this destructive conflict may finally come to an end so that peace may be restored to my galaxy. I hope to be divorced before the month is over. Unless it's another bait and switch. I'm hoping it isn't. All things must come to an end – good and bad alike. I pray for this to end. I'd like to get on with the rest of my life which has lots of fun, warm, gooey stuff on the horizon. The reign of the Sith will soon be over. I will see to that.

TOUR OF DUTY

Due to the success of the summer '07 tour, I am pleased to announce dates for the 2007 - 2008 North American Winter Tour!

The tour will take place from Dec 19 - January 3rd. Expected venues: DC, NJ, NY and CT.

Dec 19th - Wilton, CT
Dec 21st - NYC

This hasn't been confirmed but I'm going to try and get Liza Minelli to open some of the CT shows. Isn't that just divine!

Listening to:

Stone Temple Pilots – Shangri la di da
ELP – Return of the Manticore
Yes – Keys to Ascension I
Dream Theater – Systematic Chaos
Joni Mitchell – Shine

Packing up to get out of Maite's house. I will not miss how out of the way that place is. I teach her brother and his kids tomorrow night, so i can deal with him directly and we can strike a deal for his flat. Maite has been so generous and i will always be grateful to her.

a place to stay
enough to eat
somewhere old heroes shuffle safely down the street
where you can speak out loud
about your doubts and fears
and what's more no-one ever disappears
you never hear their standard issue kicking in your door
you can relax on both sides of the tracks
and maniacs don't blow holes in bandsmen by remote control
and everyone has recourse to the law
and no-one kills the children anymore
and no-one kills the children anymore

-Pink Floyd

Clip Show

Well, you knew sooner or later that we'd have to do one of those shows where you show spots from previous blogs. So here it is. We are in season two, you know. I'm 39. I can only take so many adventures at my age, and i need some filler:

So this is my life: I live in Madrid. I am a teacher. I am homeless. I pray to Yoda that I will soon be divorced. I am ga-ga over a 33 year-old Spanish woman. I am learning Spanish. I am starting my own English language business. My ex-wife lives in my old house with MY cat and HER daughter (not mine, but really cute and an Athletico fan!).

How the fuck did all this happen?

Who cares? I'm happy, and you can't put a price on that.

Do you remember;

• Googley eyed lawyer and not being able to get Spanish Laura out of the flat. No one ever saw her again. For all I know, she is still wandering the Plaza Castilla area, looking for her Uncle's flat

• The Martian being questioned by the Madrid police (for unexplained reasons) and all he could say was “No HHHabla!”

• The two girls who weren't lesbians but decided to put on a show for me when they found out i thought they were

• The Russian Bird

• Becoming El Dude in the Mural Bar

• Coming home at 10 AM and going right to work

• Psycho Patricia from Argentina who lives on a different continent from her daughters and is not divorced from her husband 4 year after they separated

Now wasn't that fun? Hope you enjoyed that walk through the aisles of the past. More to come in season two, I'm sure. Stay tuned!!!!!

Across the universe

(El Dude in the shuffling madness)

Domingo 23:22

And if the bottle's no solution
Why does it feel so warm?
And if that girl is no solution
Why did she feel so warm?
-Marillion

Listening to:

Rush - Caress of Steel
Miles Davis – Cellar Door Sessions
Porcupine Tree – Signify
Clash – London Calling

Domingo in Madrid

Had a delightful day with la Profesora. We went to the Rastro- the big Sunday market and drank canas (draft beer) and ate olives. It was very Spanish. We walked and walked. Gorgeous weather- like 70 degrees and sunny. She is just too cool.

Lunes 11:05

Here at Ojala, having breakfast and using the Internet between classes. Oh what a world we live in! I am drinking Spanish coffee, reading the Seattle Post – specifically the latest Seahawk's astonishing collapse at home, on National television to an 0-4 team. I can import my sports misery over international waters – O Brave New World!

The Internet also tells me the Colorado Rockies are one win from the World Series. I refuse to believe this and can only surmise that terrorists have seized control of the Internet and are feeding us distressing lies! Lies I say! Lies!

Listening to -
Aqualung – Jethro Tull

Random Conversations

Seester: Why are you such a freak magnet? Ever since you were a kid.
El Dude: Just lucky, I guess.

S: You seem to have fallen hard and fast for this chick.
D: Is there any other way?

S: I hate these f^*king games. They're the type the Seahawks always lose.
D: Losing Mack Strong means Sayanora Super Bowl. Were the Seahawks ever really in the Super Bowl?
S: I think it was just a group family hallucination.
D: I kind of thought that might be the case.

Profesora: I was good a girl before you corrupted me!
D: Yeah. That tends to happen sometimes. That's why I left my ex-wife. She was uncorruptable.

Home
I have to talk to Maite's brother, Isidro (very Madrileno name), but I think it will work that I will rent his flat and then sublet it two a roommate. Looking forward to having my own place! But may not be able to get in til Nov. We'll see. But I have to talk to him cuz it's too confusing going thru Maite.

Busy week. Full slate of work, one more new Momentum Client, and then Avila on Thurs.

Keep on rocking in the free world
-Neil Young

Bent

A police sketch of La Profesora

Miercoles 10 de Septiembre 11:00

Buildings and bridges
are made to bend in the wind
to withstand the world,
that's what it takes
All that steel and stone
is no match for the air, my friend
what doesn't bend breaks
what doesn't bend breaks

we are made to bleed
and scab and heal and bleed again
and turn every scar into a joke
we are made to fight
and fuck and talk and fight again
and sit around and laugh until we choke
sit around and laugh until we choke
-Ani DiFranco

Still looking for a flat. JJ was a no show last night. I really dig the place but can't afford it myself. I think JJ and i would get along fine as flat mates, but we'll see. I have to get out of Maite's place soon. I feel like a cockroach.

Jueves 11 de Septiembre 2:58

Just got home from hanging with Laura. Great time. Filled each other in on our lives. Good to see the old faces again. She's a good friend. I was out so late cuz my early class canceled.

Friday is a holiday: The National Holiday – their version of the 4^th of July except they didn't have anyone to be independent from. Spain's an old fucking society.

Barring a ban from the Spanish government (who doesn't even know i am here), I am now teaching some children on Miercoles evenings – they are Maite's neice and nephew and two other kids. Kind of cool. We did instruments today. Maite, who teaches the same age children, taught with me. And I'm going to teach her brother too. Momentum English- thus it begins. Fun, fun, fun. And me shaping young minds: Spain is more 2^nd world than i first thought! The kids are a challenge but they seem to respond to me (joder! This new teacher's just a big kid). Plus i find it challenging to keep a wide spread of ages and language levels – keeps me learning new stuff. I really like teaching.

The weather is lovely. Kind of hot and sweaty today cuz they keep their office buildings so goddamn warm, but outside is was just so pleasant, and then the temperature really fell at night. It's cool and quite nice out.

Random ransom notes:

• heard from Mato today, the guitarist for that band. We're going to jam again soon. I'd love to play some bars with these dudes

• probably head down to Getafe tomorrow night after work to see the professora. She's a little under the weather from last weekend – Pobrecita!

• I know have 3 Momentum clients now

• I need to buy new underwear. Some boxers are older than your children! I never realized how dilapidated they were til someone else started seeing them!

• Atletico Madrid qualified for the group stage of the UEFA Cup. Kick culo!

• I am almost done with developing this new marketing course for my boss, which will be some extra cash

• I'm starting to realize that I consider both my own swath of the US and Madrid as home

• I need to go nite-nite

• Still working on the art work for Godless Black Magic. Should be done soon.

• I'm bonkers about the Profesora. She's something special.

• I'm thinking of running for office here

• I'll have to run under the Illegal Immigrant Party

• I'm pissed that Fripp hasn't written

• This random thought idea was the Seester's.

Sabado Octubre 13 5:06

A delightful day and a half with the Profesora. We slept and went to Madrid last night for a few beers. La Profesora beat me at fooseball! How hot is that!

Back at Maite's now. I have a plan about her parent's flat that i will bounce off of her when i see her next. I expect the age of homelessness to end soon!

Sketchy

Never meant to make getting Maria's photo on the blog such a project, but it's been a good bit. Above is a sketch that was made her when she posed for an art class in Septiembre (which . At the time of publishing, this is the best photo i have of her, but unfortunately g0t a bit bent). I do dig it - I always wanted to have a naked picture of a chick i was banging hanging in my house. Now all I need is a house!

comings and goings

Here come old flattop he come grooving up slowly
He got joo-joo eyeball he one holy roller
He got hair down to his knee
Got to be a joker he just do what he please

He wear no shoeshine he got toe-jam football
He got monkey finger he shoot coca-cola
He say "I know you, you know me"
One thing I can tell you is you got to be free
Come together right now over me
-the Beatles

Martes 0:29

Tired but can't sleep. Physically exhausted from a very physical weekend. But at least i'm walking alright, which is better than some of us. I feel like I've represented the elder race well!

Listening to new Joni Mitchell: Shine. Very jazzy. First album in 10 years. Fucking hell, where does the time go?

I was up til 8am on Viernes noche y til 6am on Sabado. So I slept till 14:30 on Sunday.

“My mamota (groundhog),” she said. “Do you see what time it is?”

“Holy fuck! I can't believe how late I slept,” I said.

“My mamota.”

“Can you believe i used to be married to a workaholic?”

“Can you believe I used to live with a perfectionist?” Her flat is in a constant state of disaster. She is constantly moving furniture and changing drapes and coverings. And anything not in a state of flux gets hunted down and mangled by the cat posse.

We both have a good laugh at this. Man, it sure is great to laugh like that with someone again.

All things change. For that I am thankful.

Just need a place to live. JJ and I look at Maite's parents' flat tomorrow. I've been here with her too long. I need a place of my own. Just a little corner of Madrid. And a i need a matrimonio (double) bed! If this fucking single wasn't against the wall i would have fallen out several times already. Considering I fell out of my enormous bed in Tetuan once, i can't wait to upgrade.

I have a hate-hate relationship going on with the 106 bus that i take home after I take the Metro to the end of the line (joder!). It always blows by me as i am 2 blocks away from the bus stop. It happens every goddamn day!

I start 4 new courses tomorrow- 3 with Banco Santander and one with Maite's 18 year old. Boo yeah!

I fell Down in the desert baby,
I had nothing but a piece of paper, yeah,
I had to write something down,
And I found myself alone, and then I let go of everything,
Into another dimension.
-Wolfmother

Martes 10:23

Came back to the flat to redo my laundry from last night. I started in on too late a cycle (since it takes 2 hours here!) and it never added the soap. Joder!

No internet here this morning at the flat. Hope this works out tonite to live with JJ. I've been a vagabond for 2.5 months.

I saw the Hawks got trounced by Pittsburgh and that Mack Strong had to retire. He's a class act. There goes the season- he's a tremendous blocker. Was. Enjoy retirement, old buddy.

You bet

(Cats and sexual offenders)

Well I met a girl in West Hollywood
And I ain't namin' names
Well, she really worked me over good
She was just like Jesse James
She really worked me over good
She was a credit to her gender
She put me through some changes, Lord
Sort of like a Waring blender

Poor, poor pitiful me
Poor, poor pitiful me

These young girls won't let me be
Lord have mercy on me
Woe is me
I met a girl at the Rainbow Bar
She asks me if I'd beat her
She took me back to the Hyatt House
I don't want to talk about it

Lunes 10:59
Tremendous weekend! Comet Girl threw a party at her house on Friday night.
I got home at 7:30am. I got to see cousin Sydney and Kristen, and all are well.
There were also some guys from Cadiz, down south, who were all wind instrument
musicians (clarinet, trumpet). They like to get drunk and sing civil was songs from the
old Republic. It was awesome!
Went to Maria's on Sabado evening and we just hung out, taught each other some
English/Spanish, and hung out some more. It was lovely. I taught her song lyrics:

The Who:
Squeeze box
You better, you bet

Warren Zevon:
Poor pitiful me
Lawyers, guns and money
Excitable boy

She picks up really quickly. Later in the evening I told her I loved her; to which she replied 'you better!'
Such a quick student!

Odds and Ends

I lay on the bed with you
We could make some book of records
Your dog keeps licking my nose
And chewing up all those letters
Saying "you better"
-the Who

****Close your eyes, Mum

Maria's cats continue to be a wrecking crew on my personal belongings. They
have now eaten a belt and killed two pairs of earphones for my iPod. But it doesn't
stop there! Guiness, the kitten, shoved her nose up my ass and then batted my
John Thomas from behind before she fled. And Bichito, the male, actually licked
 me in a place Mummy told me never to let strangers touch me. It was like I was in prison!
I realize the Spanish are much more open about sex than Americans, but please!
Good Flat Hunting
Still no luck. One place I went to, an old lady behind the door screamed and wouldn't
let me in. I think her children wanted her to move and I don't think she agreed with them
on this. I never even saw the place. Shame, because I could see Vincent Calderon (Atletico's
stadium) from the front walk.
Tonight JJ and I go to see the flat that belongs to Maite's parents. I hope it works out.
I feel bad being at Maite's for two weeks. I need a place of my own.
I think it's time to finish this entry. Nothing could be more exciting than being
 molested by cats. I leave you with this text Maria sent me after I left Domingo noche:
:
I met a man on on Lingo Bongo (language exchange website).
He asked me to buy a whip
He took me to Corte de Ingles to see a match
...I don't want to talk about it
POOR POOR PITIFUL ME

I'm really going to have to be more careful what I teach her. But she can still teach me a lot. She blind-folded me and did this thing with an ice cube and chocolate ice cream that was unbelievable!

EVERY PICTURES TELLS A STORY (DON'T IT?)

Driven in...Driven to the edge
Driven out...On the thin end of the wedge
Driven off...By things I've never seen
Driven on...By the road to somewhere I've never been

But it's my turn to drive
But it's my turn to drive

-Rush

(My family's conception of what Maria (left) looks like)

Went down to Getafe to cook angel hair and aliolia sauce (garlic, anchovies and olive oil) for the profesora last night after work and flat hunting (fruitless!) and wound up staying over, which meant I got up at 6:30, showered, and went to work in the clothes from the day before! How long has it been since i've done that???? The answer is about 15 years. Fun, fun, fun.

But I am tired. I've got a fill in class for Ferrovial, the construction company, at 1:30 and then its the weekend! Woo hoo.

17:00

My class was canceled. And I still got paid! I did some food shopping and straightening up and now need a map before I go out to see Kristen and Comet Girl for the first time since I got back, and then see a piso (flat) at 22:30. Then who knows. It's the weekend in Madrid. I worked last week, so this is kind of like the first one.

Viernes 14:00

Saw Comet Girl. She is well. It rained like a muther last night. We yapped and yapped about our summers. She's a sweetie – only 2 years out of college and so mature!She told me about some heavy stuff- boys and the like, and I tried to share the wisdom of my substantial years. Okay- my sched is shaping up for Oct and Nov. I need to work on some marketing stuff Alex is paying me to do, then see a flat at 21:30 – then a party at Comet Girl's flat at 23:00. It's the weekend! Sometime in between there see JJ's flat as i may move in with him for a spell. So busy, but i dig it. Then tomorrow down to Getafe for an intensive weekend of language study with the profesora. Seriously! We have made a pact that we will actually learn some Spanish/English and actually leave the house at some point!

still cries at a good film,
still kisses with saliva,
no longer empty and frantic
like a cat
tied to a stick,
that's driven into
frozen winter shit
(the ability to laugh at weakness),
calm,
fitter,
healthier and more productive
a pig
in a cage
on antibiotics.

-Radiohead

FAIR WARNING

Martes 17:00

Romeo rodriguez squares
His shoulders and curses jesus
Runs a comb through his black pony-tail
Hes thinking of his lonely room
The sink that by his bed gives off a stink
Then smells her perfume in his eyes
And her voice was like a bell

Outside the streets were steaming
the crack Dealers were dreaming
Of an uzi someone had just scored
I betcha I could hit that light
With my one good arm behind my back
Says little joey diaz
Brother give me another toke
Those downtown hoods are no damn good
Those italians need a lesson to be taught
This cop who died in harlem
You think theyd get the warnin
I was dancing when his brains run out on the street

And romeo had juliette
And juliette had her romeo
And romeo had juliette
And juliette had her romeo
-Lou Reed

Growing up (growing up)
Looking for a place to live
-Peter Gabriel

Still looking for flats. Won't be going to Avila to teach this weekend as my student canceled, but i think I'll get two weekends before the end of the month. Yeah! That money will come in handy.

And I have picked up two more students on my own thru Maite! Momentum English – a new day is dawning. I came up with a shitty rough sketch for cards that Maria will try to shape into something acceptable.

Miercoles 10:35

I saw another flat last night that was a flea ridden hell hole. I've seen prison cells with more living space. Maite's parent's place will be available for Nov 1, but I need to get a roommate if i am to afford it and most of my friends have found places.

So the search continues. All else is well. I took Maite out to dinner last night to say thanks for letting my homeless ass stay with her.

It's rainy today – a rarity for Madrid if its not winter. Maria loves the rain.

It's always here and now my friend, it ain't once upon a time
It's all over but the shouting, I come to take what's mine
We're searchin' for the latest thing, a break in this routine
Talkin' some new kicks, ones like you ain't never seen

This is home, this is Mean Street
Yes-ah home, only one I know

See, a gun is real easy
in this desperate part of town
Turns you from hunted into hunter
You go an' hunt somebody down
Wait a minute, ah. Somebody said "Fair warning", Lord
Lord, strike that poor boy down!
-Van Halen

I received 2 missives yesterday. The first was from Miguel, saying that i should consider myself incredibly fortunate not to have seen the Met's Collapse. He had a chance to go to the last game and went to a kid's birthday party instead! What does that tell you??!!

The second was from my mother, suggesting that I should give a warning when the subject matter is going to be explicit. I thought it was kind of unconscious knowledge that any and every entry could be explicit and/or offensive. But so be it. Here you go Mum...

WARNING: Any and all subject matter on this blog, from now until the demise of the planet, may be sexually explicit, mentally disturbing, physically repulsive, and or otherwise repugnant, graphic or gratuitous.

Not Phunny

Lunes 0:27

Inside outside. Leave me alone.
Inside outside. Nowhere is home.
Inside outside, Where have I been?
Out of my brain on the five fifteen.
-The Who

I am watching Canal Ocho – PBTV (Playboy TV). It's a veritable hooterama! The Euros are so less uptight about sex than Americans. There was a reason why the English kicked the Puritans out of Britain.

Is it possible I am becoming oversexed here?

Fuck that!

Although, Maria and I do have a hard time getting out of la cama (the bed). I explained to her today what quicksand was.

Speaking of which, time to hang my laundry and go to bed.

Holy Crap! Now channel Ocho is showing infomercials for sex phone chats. There's a topless woman with a Cleopatra hat on. But what's really disturbing is a naked guy lying on his back with a Mexican wrestler mask on masturbating. They just covered a girls thighs in whip cream. Who needs the chat line???

The next channel had a one woman pounding another with a pink dildo. And the next channel showed close up male – female penetration, all for sex chat lines! The next channel has a photo of a woman in a nurses hat giving a dude a blow job and she has deep tonsils! So this is what folks do on Domingo Noche!

Okay, he created quite a mess in her mouth. Now i see why people don't care if they don't have the Internet. This place is crazy!

I am never leaving Spain.

Martes 14:24

Still looking for flats. This has been a bitch. I can get the Internet now but my credit on my phone ran out and I don't want to go out and recharge it with the washing machine on, which takes 2 hours for some reason. I have to get used to the land of inconvenience again. Oh USA you tart, how you spoiled me!

And I can't recharge my phone over the Internet now because they are having technical difficulty. Guess I'm going out.

Walking the Wire

Conform or be cast out
-Rush

All love is groovy
-El Dude

Dear El Dude...

These are confusing times, i guess. I have a friend from the local bar who is a teacher, just a bit younger than me and Spanish. She told me last night that she's having an affair with an 18 year old boy. She's haunted because she loves him and he loves her, but then there is society to think about. She is friends with his family and taught him years ago. Plus she is a teacher. Ay Carumba! This women is no flake either. She really loves him.

He will be leaving to study abroad in January, but til then, she doesn't know what to do.

I say “go for it.” Enjoy a beautiful thing, knowing that it will end in January. El Dude: Trans – Atlantic sex columnist!

Going Under
The Collapse of the Mets was epic. I am so grateful that i did not watch it. I say the Angels win it all over...hmmm...does it matter? ...Over Philly. Phuckers!