Feliz Ano Nuevo!

Well... it's 21:29 here in Madrid. Just a few more hours. The decade is almost kicked! How did that happen?

I just cooked a delicious anchovie, garlic, olive oil sauce with penne pasta. Everyone is with their family. Madrid has shut down. I am going to get dressed and then go feed Jessica's cat, Bombay, and ring in the new year with him. Then i am meeting Juan uptown for some private party that goes from 1 -8! Joder! These people love to stay up all night.

There's been fireworks going off all day. First they have dinner with the family. 12 seconds before midnight they start eating a grape every second for good luck. They sell 12 grapes in plastic containers and cans! I'd try it but i'm afriad i'd choke and there'd be no one but Bombay to help me. You know, cats can be fickle.

Then tomorrow night i am going to meet Rebound Girl around 21:00. Then i am going to sleep for 24 hours.

Begin the day
With a friendly voice
A companion, unobtrusive
Plays that song thats so elusive
And the magic music makes your morning mood
-Rush

Song of the Year: Revelations - Joe Satriani

Lastly, I am the winner of the TEFL Course Survivor. I am the final person remaining in Spain from the course I took in January of 2007. Sydney left before Xmas. I called her but never got to see her.

I am the last man standing.The soul survivor. The last in line. The Omega.

Sorry. New Year's Eve is so apocalyptic!

And so hopeful.

I wish you all peace, health and prosperity in the New Year! I love you all!

And in the end
The love you take
Is equal to the love you make.
-The Beatles

Dos mil nueve

TOP ALBUMS OF 2008

#3 - Glenn Hughes - First Underground Nuclear Kitchen
#2-Marillion - Happiness is the Road
#1- Joe Satriani - Professor Satchafunkilus and the Musterion of Rock

2008 was nowhere near the kind of year that 2007 was with Porcupine Tree, Rush, Marillion, and Radiohead all putting out quality albums. But the real standout album was Satriani's. It's gorgeous, full and beautifully produced. The guy knows what he's doing.

MEMORIES OF MALAGA

The whole town shut down from 18:00 until midnight. By 1:30 the streets were jammed. It was a long crazy night with lots of laughs. I got home at 6:00.

The weather wasn't very warm unless you were in the sun during the day. 50's mostly.

We saw the Picasso Museum (he was born there) which was excellent. We also climbed up a hillside to this amazing old fort that went on forever. The views from up there were amazing. It's a very old beautiful city.

Some of the food was great; Tuna belly, Vensison Burgers with sweet onions and shitake mushrooms and tapas with smoked tuna.

I kicked the crap out of the Martian in darts (Double in, Double out) and then won the world championship of foozeball.

2008 is melting! Melting!

RETURNING FROM MALAGA

Welcome back my friends
to the show that never ends
we're so glad you could attend
step inside, step inside!
-ELP

Welcome my friends to Season Five! Malaga was great fun. Lots of tales to tell that shall be told soon. Lots of laughs with the Martian and Moss. I just wanted to say hey and let you all know i am alive as i was sans internet for 6 days, which is almost unthinkable. The train ride was very pretty and uneventful.

It's almost 19:00 here. I need to get food, do laundry, go to the post office, etc. It's nice to be back.

We got a really big show for you this season with a lot of threads to tie up, untie, and then re-tie again! What will happen with Terminator Girl? Will El Dude ever test drive a Mercedes? Will i still be here when 2009 closes? Will any of us be here if Israel continues in the Gaza Strip? Will that mean i'll have to blog on the walls of caves? WWOD - What would Obama do?

Stay tuned!

Never try to keep up with Irish people when drinking beer.
-Ancient Celtic Proverb

Merry Ludachrismas!

To find the sacred river Alph
To walk the caves of ice
Oh, I will dine on honeydew
And drink the milk of Paradise
-Rush


Chema's gone to Jaen. I am packed except for some personal items i'll use tomorrow. My train is at 11:30 manana to the Costa del Sol. Yee hoo!

I taught five hours today. Cash!

The flu is still with me but its hold is breaking. Fuck you flu. I'll be fine.

I love all you crazy people very much. I am sorry i won't be with you, but you're stuck with me for an extra 2 weeks this summer. Ha! So take that.

Besos

If the boobs don't fit...

• Thanks for all the Ludachrismas, Festivus and Cockmas Cards!
• Thanks to all of you who expressed your concern about my most recent crisis with robots from the future. While many of you are skeptical, which i understand, if the boobs don't fit - there must be something wrong. And this chick's boobs just didn't match her. I notice these things as i have studied boobs for most of my natural life. While most of you know i did my undergrad in English at Fairfield and have an MBA from GW, very few of you know i have a masters in Hooterology from Beaver College in PA. Trust me, this chick is a cyborg.
• 5 hours of class tomorrow. I think i'm up to it. I believe i have turned the corner with this flu.
• Were the Giants and Seahawks games great or what? That Giants game was one for the ages. I hope too be at Dubliners on Feb 1 (2nd here) watching the Giants defend their title against San Diego Chargers. That's right! I am picking the Chargers. I am provocative as well as insane.
  
• Tomorrow is going to be nuts. Merry Ludachrismas if i don't get to blog before then. Peace on Earth!
  

A face from the future

You see it's all clear
you were meant to be here
...from the beginning
-ELP


Yesterday afternoon i went to have that intercambio with Nieves. Thirty. Super smart. Her eyes flickered back and forth. She learns so fast. Too fast. I kept looking at her eyes flicker. Something was wrong. And while she dressed a little mousy and could use some skin cream for the dry skin on her forehead, she had a set of hooters that were outrageous. Not too big but very round. Like they were surgically enhanced. But she didn't grab me as the type of gal who would do that. And then it hit me like a brick - she was a terminator sent from the future for some diabolical purpose.

"Then why the hell would she need to learn English?" asked American Laura.

"Because she's not here for English. She's here for me. They know i'm an English teacher. Taking classes would be the easiest way to fine me!"

"Do you have a fever?" She asked.

"No. She might be here to make sure i do the things i have done."

"What?"

True Story: In 2003, Momentum Consulting, otherwise known as me, consulted on a DOD Robotics Program and sold the idea of using a site in Wyoming in conjunction with Senator Thomas' office, a (R) Senator. We won the contract. It's since been renewed to the tume of tens of millions of dollars. Unmanned planes, unmanned tanks etc. Right after the deal closed i had nightmares about Terminator stuff. Terrifying really.


Darth told me not to worry, that they were just dreams. But a mere three year slater she'd turn into machinery and metal herself! Aghhh!


So what do they want with me now? Should i do what i normally do or not do what i normally do? Which one leads to the rise of the machines??? Damn you, temporal time travel paradox!!!!!

I have to stop her. And we all know the only way to do that is with a large quantity of phosphorous nitrate, the only thing that will burn this futuristic alloy.

Burn baby burn.

Man, I hate the holidays. It's always something. If it's not the flu, it's killer robots sent back through time from the future. Well, we don't call it Ludachrismas for no reason.

Sueno de Numero Dieciocho

Number 18 Dream

I dreamed in Spanish for the first time this week. All i remember is 18. But it wasn't eighteen - it was dieciocho. Spanish friends have told me to play the Xmas Lottery. But i know what it was. It was Dec 18th

I am watching Atleti play Espanyol and i understand a good bit of what the announcers are yabbering abou. And last night i went out with my former students, Rut and Yoli, and we spoke in Spanish for hours. So i am finally getting this language, two years later. It feels good. I'm very happy about it. Tomorrow i have an intercambio (language exchange) with Juan's friend, Nieves (which means Snow!). Hopefully she's a good teacher.

Kun Aguero just scored an outrageous goal. He was alone with three defenders, took 2 shots and finally scored on a rebound. Atleti up 2-1.

Laser goal by Maxi. 90th minute. Atleti 3, Espanyol 1. Game over!

It ended 3-2. No lead is ever enough with this team. But Atleti remains above Real Madrid in the standings! This drives their fans nuts!

Random Slapshots

Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty Oh won't you please take me home! -Guns n' Roses

• Cheers to the dude who threw the shoe at Bush. You are a hero. It should have been a knife. But I understand that would have been much more difficult than getting your loafer through security.
• Caroline Kennedy for senator? I'd say Jamie Farr has the same credentials or better. Go Mudhens!
• I am sick - i finally came down with something after meeting about 100 sick people over 5 days. Who knew there was so much mucous in the world? No worries. I will heal myself before Malaga. Sunny Malaga - where women are hot and the beer is cold. Sounds like paradise.
• Amazingly, Chema is not working but actually went out of the house. It's a Ludachrismas Miracle!
  
• Which means i can sit and watch the Atletico Game at 22:00 and then go back to bed. They say sleep is the best when you are sick. I say it's good any old time.
  

The Sleep of No Dreaming

That's the way my love is That's the way I care You should call on me baby I'm always there for you Yeah, I'm always there for you -Smashing Pumpkins

Miercles

• finally hit 11C today, 52F.
• I had one class today and one tomorrow. Then i sub 3 hours for Lyndsay Buckingham on Martes and that's about it. Maybe 2 hours with Miguel Angel, tops. But i am going to teach on Sunday in exchange for some Spanish lessons. Intercambio, they call it here. It's a friend of Juan's. She has to take the stupid Cambridge first certificate test, which proves nothing other than how well you take the test. Never was a fan of standardized testing, never will be.
• Jammed with Summer in Raincoats last night. It's coming together.
• Jam with Band B tomorrow.
• As of this weekend, Spain comes to a screeching halt. You can hear the pistons squeal as the brakes grab.

IN THE END

Year in Review;

• American Laura and I are getting along fine now
  
• Rebound Girl and I are getting along fine now too
  
• I am a better teacher than I was my first year
• My knowledge of English grammar has sextupled
• I can actually F#$king talk in Spanish!
• I am playing drums regularly and hope we'll have gigs in 2009!
• I have a place to live with heat and hot water
• The new Novel is 70,000 words
  

It's been a good year.

Cock Mass

Mutilated in translation

I was teaching them Xmas vocab. One word was 'midnight mass'. A woman said, "Oh, en masa de gallo?" I said, "huh?"

"Cock Mass."

I said, "exqueeze me?"

"Cock Mass."

I burst out laughing.

It comes from the idea of the cock crowing at midnight. Which they don't. They crow at first light. But you get the picture.

So I explained the alternate meaning of cock and translated back;

"En masa de pene."

Now it was their turn to laugh their brains out.

Crazy, toys in the attic
i am crazy
truly gone fishing
-Pink Floyd

Tiene Frio

I cant stand it any longer
I need the fuel to make my fire burn bright
So dont fight it any longer
Come to me again in the cold, cold night
-White Stripes


Cold cold cold! Fuck! And i walk everywhere! It was cold last night at the game, mostly because there was standing water at our feet. Band drainage. The stadium is a shithole. I'll have to wear my cowboy boots next time. But they won! Atletico is now 5th, just a head of Real Madrid. Toma!

I ran my feet under hot water when i returned i was fine. No frostbite.

I sat there and ate my pistachios and peanuts. They all eat sunflower seeds. I can't get into that. All shell and no meat. Pedro was home with his new baby. I'm not sure why Ernesto wasn't there. But Ernesto's fifty something wife was there. I still can't get over the things they say. "Cuno muy tonta!"she yelled, which translates to 'You stupid cunt!' She was yelling at the ref.

Tough crowd.

Classes are winding down. The entire country is checking out for xmas. A lot of my classes won't start again til the 13th of Jan. There seems to be no end to holidays in Spain.

Bad Girl

I can see my lifetime piling up
I can see it smashin into yours
It was not an accident at all
Open your window up - I hear you laughing
-Talking Heads

Her name is Mercedes, roommate of my friend, Blonde Jessica. She's Argentine, lived in the Miami for years, and now lives here. She's a DJ. She wore aqua blue tights to the party. Whew! Caliente! I think she's completely insane. But sweet.

Out of the blue, she just called me to say 'hi' and thanks for the party. I'm going to go over to Mercedes and Jess' place for dinner on this week. I'm going to feed their cat over Ludachrismas.

All my life i have dated 'nice girls,' See; 1984 - 1994, 2007 - present. I guess i married one too until she went renegade, See; 2006 to 2008.

Jess told her a few weeks ago, "You would get along great with my friend Jay."
"What does he look like?"
"He kind of looks like Jesus."
"I love guys who look like Jesus!"
Then she showed her the photo of me as Jesus, to which Mercedes said, "he looks like Jesus!"

So we talked a bit last night. Nice gal. She is NOT Sheltered. So, we shall see. I always wanted to drive a Mercedes!

In the wake of Ludachrismas

Thank you
whoever you are
-Marillion

• I love reading the NY Times on Sunday. Thank you Internet!
• The Ludachrismas party was a blast and a big hit. I got home around 5. Bo made some hummus and i chopped a million veggies, so we had healthy eats. There were folks from the US, Spain, Holland, England and Scotland. American Laura's new boyfriend is from Glasgow and is all but impossible to understand. I've read a lot of Irvine Welsh, so i could interpret him for the others.
  
• There were a ton of cute gals, most of them much younger than me. But it was fun to chat them up. Many of these ladies offered to be groupies for Summer in Raincoats. Que bueno! I also met a few folks who know people who own bars and could help to get us gigs. The band seemed to be the talk of the party as both Juan and Bo were there as well. People were coming up to me all night and saying "you play drums?" We shall see how this unfolds.
  
• Pedro, who i sit with for the games is a new dad! So i'll just meet his brother for my ticket tonite against Betis of Sevilla. Last home game of the year.
• May all of your Ludachrismases be white!
  

Difference a Day Makes

So this is Xmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
-John Lennon

• We have heat! They came and fixed it yesterday. And my bags are in the spare room! It didn't seem to be nearly the project Chema claimed it was. I don't care what happened as long as it's fixed. I like Chema. Nice guy. Just lazy. Couldn't pay me to have his life. But he got off his ass and got it done.
  
• Band B has a new singer - a Scottish chick, Tamara. Schwing! Definitely hot. When we got there she was drinking Jack and Coke. Those crazy Scotts! Very likeable folks, most of 'em. So now both bands have Scottish singers.
• Female lead singers have a thing for drummers. See; Fleetwood Mac. I'd prefer to keep it professional, but women have a way of getting what they want
  
• The Daft Cunt threw a very nice xmas party on wed. at an Argentinian steak house. We ate like kings. It was very nice of him.
• Tonite is Ludachrismas at Bo's.
• All else is well. The entire country is geeked up for El Classico this evening, Real Madrid vs. Barcelona.
• I am geeked up for Atleti vs. Betis tomorrow at 21:00. Last game of the year.
  

Blue and white facepaint

we're here heading for the day of reckoning I'm telling ya,
It's all building up to something,
Something that can be repeated with fire!
-Pete Townshend

Let the ass kicking begin! Chema told me when he calls the city, or whoever owns our flat, that they do nothing about the heater. I told him that he could call or that i could call but that i'm not spending the winter like an animal foraging for hot water and heat in the salon and kitchen. It took 5 days for my clothes to dry! I told him that if it's not fixed i'll move out, which i will. And i'm especially not paying 450E for this place when my heat, electricity and hot water are supposed to be included. He can live like a soldier's slave if he wants, but not me. What an idiot! A cowardly dog. Can you imagine? Where i come from, you don't take shit. You give it. Let the hammer fall!

He's on the phone with them now.

Ludachrismas has been moved to Bo's house, because he's a fat cat with heat and hot water!

My bedroom has heat, but that's from my electric miracle heater.

I sometimes wonder how long i can live in a country like this. I turned on the stove to heat the kitchen when i was cooking in there after my shower while my hair was still wet. It's like Little house of the fucking Prarie!

Take the S....

....Out of Spain, and it's PAIN.

A water main did break. We got water back around 20:00. I heard the shower and thought it was Chema. After about 15 minutes i realized it had been left on. The water smells okay, so i think we're fine. The break seemed very isolated. Now to get on Chema about the heat when i see him. But the skies have cleared after 5 days, which makes it easier to keep the pilot light lit. At least temporarily.

I made a point to burn all of the photographs,
She went away and then I took a different path,
I remember the face, but I can't recall the name,
Now I wonder how whatsername has been...
-Green Day

This place is a developing country in so many ways, 20 years behind the rest of Europe. Trying to stay warm in winter when you are INDOORS! Crazy. It can try your patience.

But you can actually see the stars tonight, which is nice. I forgot they were there. Winter means cold, rain and fog.

But my electric heater KICKS ASS. My is small and holds the warmth very well. And i have my fuzzy Atletico slippers on!

I believe i am having a Ludachrismas party on Sabado. The last party was Back to School in Sept. You are all invited if you can get here on Saturday! You can even have my bed!

SUMMERS IN RAINCOATS
I think we have a temporary name for band A; Summers in Raincoats. "How the f@#k did that happen?" Well, i suggested Summers in Rangoon, from Dr. Evil's psycopathic rant in therapy from the first Austin Powers Movie. Juan and Lee heard Summers in Raincoats, and then Bo liked it too when he got there. Go figure. It can certainly mean a lot of different things. Bo was laughing his ass off because his friends always called condoms raincoats, so he liked it instantly. It also represents summer in the UK, and our singer and harp player, Lee, is a Scott. So it seems to resonate on many levels. For me it's a metaphor for making the best out of a bad situation with a smile on your face. That and the rubbers in the summer thing.

The Last Straw

• I have to talk to Chema as soon as he wakes his fat ass up. He was still playing video footaball when i left at 7:15am. I guess it's better than playing video parchese (which he often does). If ever a person is wasting their life, it's him.
• We have no water suddenly. Thankfully i just took a shower, after jerking about with the heater for 40 minutes. He's got to get the landlord to fix it or i am moving out. The pilot light goes out every five minutes. And he also needs get a new lock on the spare room. He said he'd do it over the summer and put my luggage away. It was there when i got back. It's still there in the hall. Six months!
  
• He doesn't drink or do drugs. He's just Fat and lazy. I really don't know what his problem is. He never leaves the house. He cooks soup. leaves it on the stove for a day and then reheats it. If his mother taught him a thing in his life, he never listened.
• It's ass kicking time. Poor Schmuck. I wouldn't want me angry at me.
  
• Still cold and nasty. Como Irlanda (like Ireland).
  

That which passes, passes like clouds part 2

I can learn to resist
Anything but temptation
I can learn to co-exist
With anything but pain
-Rush

• It's just kind of nice to be alive.
  
• After three hours of jamming you get a sense of who the players are. And when it all comes together... it's really sweet.
• I like sleeping.
• I love you all! Big smooches with lots of tongue !
  

Same as it ever was, part two

• I believe Patricia got the idea when i explained how different we were this afternoon. I'm just not feeling it and she is a little touch of kept-in-the-closet wacko. And she had an abusive boyfriend from ten years ago. Oy! The poor girl. And she is as wordly as an Amish person! And she was a little pouty at not seeing me all weekend. What the hell!!!!!! I just got DIVORCED. I keep my own schedule. I believe i have paid for this right.
• Time to go jam! I do love to hit things. Truly, i do.
  
  ***Note to self. No more Latina women named Patricia
  

Back to the old drawing board
-Wile E Coyote (Super genius!)

Dating in the 00's

I wait here in this hole
Playing poker with my soul
I hold the rifle close to me
It lights the way to keep me free

-Big Country

• Patricia wrote me a text message the other day that said; "You have my heart in your hands." I'm like, "Aw don't do that. My hands are dirty. You'll catch something!" She's a strange woman, a bit sheltered indeed. But my Spanish is improving so much! Yet in the back of my mind i can't help thinking that this is going to end up with a rabbit boiling on the stove. At least Frippy is safe and sound in DC.
  
• QUESTION: How do i always find the wackos?
  ANSWER: Everyone is Nuts
  
• More rain, but much warmer today.
• It's the 30 year anniversary of the Spanish Constitution today. Viva la Republica. Franco fue una mierda! (Franco was a shit!)
  

Puente Weekend

Fly by night, away from here
Change my life again
-Rush

• A cold rainy weekend
• I tried unsuccessfully to book my train ticket to Malaga online for three days, but the Renfe website is mierda (shit). So i went to the Atoche train station today to get my ticket. Spain is just so backwards in some ways. I'll be in Malaga from the 24th to the 30th with the Martian and some of his friends. Ludachrismas in the costa del sol!
  
• Tomorrow is a holiday. I'll meet Patricia for lunch and then jam at 8 with band A
  
• Things are delightfully lazy
• My room is toasty warm thanks to the electric heater
• The Seahawks lost but Baltimore is punking the Redskins. Yeah!
  

Reflections in a glass door

Wish i was old and a little sentimental
-Porcupine Trees


Much Trabajo! Yeah! I had 4 hours of classes canceled today, but it's the Puente - 'The Bridge' weekend. We have Lunes off for Constitution Day. So I went to Alex's and Velma's and got paid. Then paid my rent and went to the supermarket, as well as the little farmer's market. I got a ton of veggies for 4 Euro. Asparagus, Onions, and sweet potatoes. I cook more with the wok now, as it is winter.

I'll be in Madrid 2 years January 7th. Damn! Tempus fugit.

So it's nice to actually be home. It's seems like i am either working, out, or sleeping. It's 14 today, so much warmer than the last 2 weeks of Artic Scandanavian Air.

I bought a little electric radiator. It has oil inside and heats up my room nicely. You just plug it in and you're off to the races.

We have natural gas through radiators but the pilot light always blows out during the night and you wake up freezing. So i have circumvented the boiler.

Tonight we jam from 8-10 and then a going away party. The expats come and the expats go, like a revolving glass door.

Hablo espanol

• Classes come and classes go - it all evens out somehow
• I fucking speak Spanish now. Seriously! I have a long way to go, but i can get by with just Spanish, owing a lot to the fact that Patricia only habla espanol!
• That said, still not sure she's my speed. But for now it's not hurting my Spanish, so what the hell? But she lives in the same building (different flat) as her parents and her sisters (que?!!!) and has had a very sheltered life. She's a geek and sometimes geeks think too much. This i know. - I, on the other hand, have lived in different countries, on different continents, and grew up in the shadow of NYC where it's simple Darwinism; if you are not savvy, bad shit will happen to you there. It's a given, like the sun rising in the East.
• I don't know what any of this really means
  

Thanksgivings, Dates and Star Wars

I don't know how it happened
It all took place so quick
But all I can do is hand it to you
And your latest trick
-Dire Straits

• THE 2008 Dumb Ass Award goes to Plaxico Burress for shooting himself in the thigh. Nice one man! And now he has to face criminal charges for shooting himself! This is why people should not have guns. And he's fucking with the Giants' season.
  
• Thanksgiving was awesome. I myself carved the roast beast. Once again the turkey was on the table when i carved with the Spaniards gawking as i cut and snapped. "You look very comfortable with a knife and a turkey," said our one friend Rodrigo.
  
• Patricia and i went to the Star Wars Exhibit yesterday. It was really fun. It was the same one i saw in London last year. I am a Star Wars Exhibit Groupie!!!! She also came along for Thanksgiving and we had a great time.
• Then i watched Atletico go undefeated for the 10th game in a row with a 4-1 one ass kicking of Racing Santander. It was about -7C, or as we like to say here, fucking cold.
• I'd tell you what was going on with Patricia, but i don't rightly know. I'm not being coy, i just don't know. She talks in big huge arcs like a history professor, but is very smart. At least i think so. It can be very hard to understand her at times, fucking Spanish. But everyone says my Spanish is improving. I have to learn to speak well if only to throw it in the face of the common every day person who berates me on my Spanish because it's not perfect, to which i ask "How's your English D-bag?" All that follows is "Que, Que?". Ha ha. Don't mess with El Dude. I don't suffer fools lightly. Excepting myself, and Frippy. I love that guy!
• Now i am watching Revenge of the Sith in Spanish. I will learn this fucking language if it kills me. And if it kills me, i won't go down alone!