When the world is running down, you make the best of what's around
-the police
Sometimes, you just hit a bad stretch. You know all about Morocco, so let us never speak about it again. Ever.
I am disputing the airline charges, which American Laura (EU Lawyer) says i have a great case against. Them.
However, i found out bank of America is giving me bogus charges. Every month, i pay the balance. So i just paid the April 14 balance, due tomorrow. However, these assholes are charging me interest on the the remaining balance that I haven't even gotten a bill for! So i disputed and threatened to pull my account if all these charges aren't returned immediately. I also mentioned the recent Wachovia scandal to them and would be happy to report them. The amount of money is nothing- like ten bucks a month, but still. It's the principle.
I give graduation talks at Universities a lot now. I used to always tell the kids to stick to their principles. A few years later I changed this to always making sure your principles are good ones. There's a lot of people who live in ivory towers who 'stick to their principles.' But now i don't even know about that. I told my good friend; “I tell these kids to stick to their principles. I also say don't kill animals, but I eat meat I'm a hypocrite!”
My friend said, “Yeah, but you know, the nice thing about being a hypocrite is that you get to stick to your principles.”
-Alan Alda, paraphrased from an interview on The View, 2007
And then there's la profesora.
Open question to anyone. Anyone at all. Why are all women nuts? Is nature's fault? God's? Oprah's? Madonna's? I need answers.
Things have definitely cooled with us. I was perplexed. Everything was great. She went thru some illnesses and her house being ripped apart, so i gave her the benefit of the doubt. Last night she came over for the first time since i moved in for a barbecue and I just brought it out into the open. I've died at least once or twice over the last year, and it doesn't scare me anymore. It's not pleasant or and it hurts, but short of putting out cigars on the bottoms of my feet, I know i'll get on just fine.
La Profesora has some anxiety issues, not unlike another character from my dark and damp past. She hates line 6 on the Metro (we all do!) because it's so deep down there's a good chance you might run into the preserved corpse of Jules Verne. But she took a very strange route here last night to avoid it all together. She sometimes has anxiety attacks and gets really dizzy. But I can live with all this.
When i questioned her nicely about all this, she has said for the second time that she is scared. And scared of hurting me. Let's examine this -
Scared: She can't articulate what.
Scared of falling in love? There is never love without risk.
Scared she'll fall for me and i'll move away
Scared that if we ever had kids they'd be just like me?
I don't know if she doesn't. She said she'll try and get me an answer.
Scared of hurting me?
Let me tell you tootz, there isn't ANYTHING you can do to me that hurt like what happened to me last year - short of putting jumper cables on a car battery and then clipping the other two ends on my ears. That would fucking hurt.
So, we'll wait and see what happens. For the time being, i only have 2 assumptions to go on;
a. she's lying
b. she's bat shit crazy
Neither of these offers me much comfort. I've been through both of them last year.
“You really think we'd work as a couple? In a relationship?” she asked me a few weeks ago.
What the hell do you think we are? I had been living down there every weekend. She wanted to keep it open for seeing other people, and I had said fine. But if we didn't have a relationship, then what was it? A weekend co-op?
If there is someone else, and there could be, then fine. I won't dance about it, but fine. But i need the truth.
I told her - “When things start to get weird, I kind of have some trust issues after what happened in my marriage.”
And if she's just bonkers, then once i've extended my hand a couple times without her taking it, then i'm at just as much of a dead end as if she had been untruthful.
So how's by you?
What am I supposed to say?
Where are the words to answer you
When you talk that way?
Words that fly against the wind and waves
Where is the wave that will carry me
A little closer to you?
-Rush
But not to worry... this too shall pass. In a last attempt at letting her know how i feel, i gave her a cheap little, red, crystal ring and ask her “to go out with me.” I felt like i was in fucking high school! But it's a gesture. She said she'd let me know.
So things will get better or they'll get worse, like always. Either way, i'll eventually be fine.
I rose up like a Phoenix
and pissed in the remaining ash
I tossed away all memory
and told the world to kiss my ass
-Wayward Platypus
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