Out the Ass End of the Mirror

Breaking the Law

I am now legally an illegal alien. The 90 days on my passport has
expired. Oh well. The local authorities don't seem to give a shit.
Everyone knows we are illegal aliens. The government's just too thick
to change the laws and tax us. So be it.

no no no no no
It's no fun
being an illegal alien
-Phil Collin led Genesis

And as if we didn't already know that Phil Collins doesn't know his
arse from his pie hole, being an illegal alien rocks. I never should have
left my Phil Collins voodoo doll in DC. Son of a bitch!

FAKE PLASTIC TREES

He used to do surgery
for girls in the 80's
but gravity always wins
-Radiohead

Both Tenemos, the software co., and Banesto, the bank, have fake
plastic trees in their lobby. However, they are both quite obviously
fake marijuana plants.

At Tenemos, I did a double take. Then maybe a triple axel, but as sure
as eggs is eggs, it was a fake marijuana plant.

Then I saw one as you get off the elevator to the basement in Banesto.

"What the fuck?" Are these people out of their minds, or are they just
daft cunts?

WAITING ON THE UNBORN

Safe in the light that surrounds me
free from the fear and the pain
my questioning mind
has helped me to find
the meaning in my life again

Victoria's real
i finally feel
at peace with the girl in my dreams
and now that i'm here
it's perfectly clear
i found out what all of this means
if i died tomorrow
i'd be alright
because I believe
that after we're gone
the spirit carries on
-Dream Theater

No word from Darth about the baby. Stupid whoor. She was supposed
to let me know what the craic was about when the baby will be born.
There's been no word at all.

O Eternal Bitch!
-Homer, the Illiad

I feel a great disturbance in the force. Something is happening.

CLOSE TO THE EDGE :

April, Friday the 13

You know I've been to the edge
I stood and looked down
You know I lost a lot of friends there, baby
I got no time to mess around
-Van Halen
Seasons will pass you by
I get up, I get down
-Yes

This is the Edge!

-Bono
It started so inauspisciously. I was ready to rest. It was 5:00 PM and I
had one hour left til I was off work for three luxurious days. I was
doing the telephone classes at Banesto. Ooooh, they can be boring
enough to make you want to shoot yourself in the balls (You bleed to
death rather quickly). But I only had an hour left and the conversation
was slowly improving.

And then I got the email that this one school, who owes me 650E (
One and a half times my monthly rent) would possibly be paying us on
Friday. I was to go to the office between 10 and 12 to get paid form
Luis, some dude I never heard of. Hoder! Well, I'd have to cut my
sleep short, but fair enough.

So I went out with American Laura and her friends Niels and Mils ( a
Dutch gy and gal). The club we were supposed to go to was not open
at 10:30, so we went across the street to another bar. We came back at
11:30 and it was open. There was a red carpet and they made us wait
outside the velvet rope even though we were the only ones in the
queque. Niels showed that he was on the guest list and we went in,
which was nice as it was rainy.

We were met at the door by the two tallest cross dressers I had ever
seen. On was dressed as a school girl in a grotesquly too-small skirt.
She carried a ruler. The second one wore the matador's Mickey Mouse
ears, a white dress and a rider crop. HODER! They gave us all
lolipops and I was shocked they weren't condoms (yet somewhat
relieved).

The gals were all offered free drinks - this lemonade sugar shit: awful.
I just boght a beer, for something mental like 8 Euros.

Then it struck midnight - Friday the 13th, what will go down in the
anals of El Dude history as one of the wierdest ever.

Out come the little people: over a half a dozen midgets, all dressed in
green and white plaid. They had matching square hats, vests and
shorts. They were all blowing whistles and were boinging things with
little plastic mallets. I swear to god - Laura saw them too.

TO BE CONTINUED

Editors note: Need to cut his short as I have much business to attend
to, as well as a three or four day bender to go on. I'd like to express to
all that Annie (not sure if Darth plans to use Greco as her surname)
was born on April 11th at 9:24 pm. 7 pounds 3 ounces, 19.5 inches.
Both baby and mother are in fine health.

Welcome to the planet, baby girl! I wish you all the best, be you mine
or otherwise. And may fortune, grace and gratitude shine upon you all
of your days - you're gonna need it with that mother of yours!

Feliz cumpleanos nina hermosa! Tu estas muy cerca a mi corazon.

I'd also like to thank my bros, Pat and Kevin, for delivering the news
to me. I knew we were close, but never thought it would be the two of
you to tell me of the birth of Sue's baby! And maybe mine! Fuck me! I
only found out when i checked my email on Friday morning.

O brave new world that has such people in it! -Shakespeare,

Next Time;
Friday, April 13, 2007: 2;04 am, the local; PERFECT STRANGERS