Canned

Okay....

I may need to step away form the Internet dating scene for a moment before i hurt myself. When you flirt, you can write a quick message or use a canned one. The following is my favorite canned one, although i am too chickenshit to use it;

I may not go down in history but i'd go down on you.

Fuck me! Ladies, can you imagine getting that from a stranger? Or sending it?!!! I thought i was a fearless idiot, but i guess i have met my match.

Fearlessly the idiot face the crowd.....smiling
-Pink Floyd

It's a cold scary world out there. And i'm cold and scared.

Really cold! It's only 6C at 13:00! Rainy too. My boss, Lyndsay Buckingham, and i had to wait in the rain to catch overly crowded buses because the Metro Ligero is on strike. We were 20 minutes late, but one student was 30 late and the other was 45 minutes late. Same thing coming home. I was chilled to the bone.

Then i slept because i am still recovering and my class was canceled. Then i ate half a chicken. Now it's almost midnight and i'm going back to bed!

Nighty-night rabbit.

A week to go

We can go from boom to bust
From dreams to a bowl of dust
We can fall from rockets' red glare
Down to "Brother can you spare..."
Another war
Another wasteland
And another.... lost generation
-Rush

• Yeah! Teaching more hours now! With more coming in. Gimme hours, gimme hours. I always forget that summer lasts until Octubre 15th here. Seriously, that's when university classes start.
• i have one private student (Beatriz, 22 ) who only wants to go over economics. So we read articles form the Economist and stuff. It's really fun. I'm such a business geek!
• Winter hit us like a sack of doorknobs. It went from 22 to 5C in a day! Joder!
• It's 4C now, at 22:30.
• I finished with my student at Barclays, but it was a nice good-bye and he said he really felt his English had improved and that he had fun, which is all i ever really look to do. He had a great attitude and was hell of a lot of fun himself. I'm sure we'll keep in touch. He's the one in the Picasso Tower
• Game 5 of the WS is STILL GOING ON. It hasn't even resumed yet! Madness. The Phillies don't get anything easy. Actually, all of the teams in that city have done squat since the Phils last won in 1980!
• One week to go before the election. 'C'mon Obama and roll Daddy a sweet seven. Mama gonna buy me a new pair of shoes!' And maybe keep his house and job.Then we can stop pretending Sarah Palin is an important person. I've met beer bottles that were more savvy than she is

Album i listened to again after quite a while and it blew me away: The self-titled album - Traffic. Wow! Short and sweet structures with odd beats and and a whole lot of soul.

Dirty Deeds

* Game 5 of the WS will never end. We have all died and gone to baseball Purgatory. A meteor hit the earth Monday night in the middle of the 6th inning.


*Prickpretsheri - the Internet dating imposter IM'ed before - the conversation went like this;

Prickpretsheri said 'Hi'

i said:

I thought you had gone for good
didn't we have this conversation?
After you asked me for money
You're a man baby!
You're a scam artist
you've never been to Madrid
your English sucks!
You live in Nigeria
that's not your picture
i'm not angry
i'm writing a book on Internet dating scams
What's the most money you've ever gotten out of someone?
Your phone is tapped
c'mon, talk to me
or i'll go to the police
and the last guy that got sent to a Nigerian prison. Well....you know what happens.

I never heard back from Pickpretsheri. Disappointing.

The moral of this story?

No moral- just a fun story.

But if you really want a moral, iguess it's that you shouldn't jump into the deep end if you can't swim.

More stories about weather and sports

While you torture yourself with what's behind ya
Torture yourself with what awaits ya
Draggin' that guilt and regret inside ya
Anxious of the goals that always evade ya

Your mind will find a way to be unkind to you somehow
But all we really have is happening to us right now

HAPPINESS IS THE ROAD

And each baby..
A human sunrise
Each baby - a human sunrise..
-Marillion

• I woke this morning to find the World Series was suspended. Didn't they have doppler radar? Isn't that a brand new field that should have good drainage? Budd Slug is a moron. But i am happy the Rays tied it up and that Eva Longoria (schwing!) finally got a hit!
• I feel like hell. It's Captain Tripps, like in the Stand. I love that book.
• It's a blustery day here, a rarity
• The Seahawks are second in the NFC West with a 2-5 record! Great idea to break each conference into 4 divisions!

Why is everyone so fucking stupid? Why can't they be more intelligent, like me?
-Kim Jong-il , Team America

Gnome the wiser

(the Seester sent this, saying it was me!)


Satellite
didn't mean to shoot you down
-Glen Hughes

• I cannot accept that the Phillies will win the World Series. But the Rays could hit a scarecrow with a bat right now
• Rainy and going to be cold tomorrow. The high will be 8 C. It was 21 today! Where's that hot air from Africa, you thorn in my eye!
• I am recovering from this bug, i think, but working from 9 - 21:30 was a bitch
• Juan has been in Germany for work, so it'll be 3 weeks in all before we jam again. I miss playing weekly. I need to get an electronic kit so i can play here.
• About the smart ass picture- i have gray for sure, but nothing like that. I not that fat!And i only wear the pointy hat on full moons when i'm practicing Godless Black Magic.
• Otherwise it's a pretty accurate likeness.
  

Stupid Stories from Madrid

• So how was i supposed to know that this morning we turned the clocks back to standard time? I didn't see it in the paper. No one talked about it. I went to a bar nearby to watch the Atleti game and the teams have the wrong colors. I ask the bartender and he said it was at 7. I just looked at him. It was 7:20. He pointed to the clock. It was 6:40. So that was why my computer's clock was an hour early. I thought it was just my shitty Dell Laptop. Mum has phoned or emailed me religiously for the last twenty years saying DON'T FORGET TO CHANGE YOUR CLOCKS! But the USA doesn't change until next weekend. And so i fell through the cracks....
• I went to an Intercambio last night with my friend Cara. It was at an Irish Pub, o'Neills. I was interested because on the web it said that the group was all girls. Sccchhhhhwing! So we went. They were really nice but they were the single ugliest group of woman i had ever seen. One was cute, the other ten were just very hard on the eyeballs, the poor things (i meant my eyeballs!). The only Spanish guy was really tall, really nerdy, and NEVER smiled. It was like trying to talk to Christopher Walken in Spanish.
• I think i am recovering from my cold. Everyone in Madrid had it. It was like an epidemic. Someday Stephen King's The Stand is going to happen. And then we'll all be buggered.
  

tales from all over the place

• My Spanish still has a long way to go.
  
• It is shameful how much health care in the USA is a big business.
  
• i f@#king hate the Pittsburgh Steelers, who are currently leading the Giants 14-9.
  

illin'

Ugh! I have the chest cold bug that everyone in Madrid has had. I'm lucky to have pretty good resistance, but when you travel in a metal tube with hundreds of strangers a day, these things will happen. Better the chest cold than the stomach virus that's going around. That makes using public transportation a bitch.

So I am still in bed, trying to improve my lot. I don't feel awful - just not good. I'll be alright.

Welcome to Fall and Winter '08-'09. Goodbye summer of '08! We hardly knew ye.

The novel chugs along. It's getting really complicated now. So many puzzle pieces to put together. But it's fun to be getting to the last 3rd of this massive project.

Speaking of massive projects, it's the monthly room cleaning. Bugger!!!!


Somewhere out of a memory
Of lighted streets on quiet nights...
-Rush

THE EDUCATION PRESIDENT

My fellow Americans...

I must now reveal a deep dark dirty secret before I throw in my hat for President of the United States of America. Alack, as i did in '88, the only other time i voted absentee, i could not resist the urge to write myself in. I am therefore running on a platform of education for all.

Education gets more and more expensive in the USA. And what are our three most important exports?

Weapons, unfortunately. Entertainment. And TECHNOLGY / KNOWLEDGE! IBM, APPLE, etc, etc. You can't have a nation of dumb asses and still export knowledge. But Shrubby wants education to just be for the rich so they can control the masses. But the Chinese are going to own our asses if we can't compete intellectually and still export knowledge and technology. So in America when i am president, education will be available for all so that China and India don't eat us alive.

Besides, being surrounded by dumb asses sucks! The population here is made of up for poorly educated immigrants and people who went to Spanish public schools, which were purposefully designed to keep people dumb under Franco. Half of these people can't even walk on the street without crashing into each other. They don't cover their mouths when they sneeze and cough. It takes them an ice age to give you back the correct change at a store.

JUST SAY NO TO BEING STUPID! Vote El Dude on November 4^{th !!!!!!!!!}

I have seen the future. It's me.
-El Dude

Bankers, Bakers and the Great Crash II

15 Steps and then a sheer drop
-Radiohead

Kevin told me that his boy, Colin, has to keep a journal and write in it for school. So I guess one time after I was visiting, he wrote something like. “My friend Jay lives in Spain and teaches English to bakers.” Kev said he was pretty sure he meant 'bankers.' Oh how I wish you were right, little man! All these classes wouldn't be canceled and I'd have pan gratis (free bread!).

Next week I have to say good-bye to my student I've had for a full year, Caco, from Barclays. I have a class to replace it with Accenture, but i will miss Caco. He's a fun guy.

Well, we can stay in touch. Once a week I have coffee with my old student, Antonio, the dude who loves Rush.

Ahhhh.... i'm starting to put down roots. Old friends, ex-students, ex-lovers. How did this happen?

I just want to be free, like a rolling stone.

I have replaced a few classes, but my schedule is bonkers. This economic crisis is nuts. Madrid is just loco in the first place. Where is sanity?

The slackjaw gaze
Of true profanity
Feels more like surrender than defeat
If culture is the curse of the thinking class
If culture is the curse of the thinking class
-Rush

I am tired. One more class tonight and then one at 8:15am tomorrow. And then it's the weekend!

Listening to:

Marillion – Happiness is the Road
Glen Hughes – First Underground Nuclear Kitchen
Genesis – Foxtrot, Nursery Cryme
Rush – Permanent waves
Porcupine Tree – Arriving Somewhere, Fear of a Blank Planet, Nil Recurring
Soungarden – Superunknown
Jim Croce – Photographs and Memories
Tommy Bolin – Fusion Jam Transplant


Two weeks and I go to Dublin. Woo hoo!

Invierno esta aqui! It got cold. Damn! Last night's game was the first one I have been chilly at this year. But we are expected to be close t0 20C by the weekend again. Lately it has been cold and rainy. At least the rain stopped for the game. I have to take a camera next time so that i can post photos of my Atleti Family.

Speaking of cold, i need to turn on the heat. Sounds like a Bad Chaka Khan song.

Liverpool

Except for the boy in the belfry
He's crazy, he's throwing himself
Down from the top of the tower
Like a hunchback in heaven
He's ringing the bells in the church
For the last half an hour
He sounds like he's missing something
Or someone that he knows he can't
Have now and if he isn't
I certainly am

In Liverpool
In Liverpool
-Suzanne Vega

Atletico's Simao scored in the 81st minute to level the game 1-1 with Liverpool. It was fantastic. Calderon Stadium (the Cauldron) was rocking. It's easy to see now why the top 4 teams in the English Premiership are the best in the world. Liverpool was impressive! Their defense was smothering. But Atletico stays at the top of their group in the Champions League with a draw.

What was odd is that Liverpool wore green jerseys, which i have never seen before. Their colors are red and white, but since those are Atleti's colors they had to wear their third strip (uniform).

Sure other things happen today, but they were all insignificant compared to this. I have now lived out my lifelong dream of being a football hooligan! I'd like to thank ESPN, beer, the Church of Orenthal and the violent inner rage i have carried around since i was stung by that bee that flew up my pants leg when i was six. (Turns to camera) "Hi Mum!!!!!!"

Atleti! Atleti!

R.O. Day

Wendy
Darling
In the kitchen
With your dreams

Will you fly
again
Take to the sky
again

Undo the hooks
Once and for all
Banish the tic tic tic tok tok tok
Again
-Marillion

I keep gaining and losing classes on a daily basis. It's a bad time to be working with banks. It's madness. Things change hourly.

The economy is a shambles. But no worries. I'll be okay. If i ever had to, i could move back in with the Mum and shoot squirrels with my shotgun and barbecue them. Little Montreal steak seasoning on those critters - oh yeah!

Tomorrow is the Champions League game, Atletico vs. Liverpool. Yeah!!!! It will be hosted here. UEFA is a bunch of morons. But i'll be there.

It's 0:17 here, Miercoles, and i am going to bed. Night folks.

3o Rock is the funniest show i have seen since the height of the Simpsons in the 90's. But Tina Fey and I are through. She sent me a holiday card for Restraining Order day, which was thoughtful, but i guess it's over.

Next!

No reply

Ceiling unlimited
World so wide
Turn and turn again

Feeling unlimited
Still unsatisfied
Changes never end
-Rush


When in Tampa....
I went to bed listening to the baseball game at 2am. I was not shocked when the Red Sox went up 1 - 0. I fell asleep. I woke up at 7:30 to my alarm.

¨Joder, joder, joder!¨ i said to the wall.

So then I turned off my alarm and checked the baseball score on my laptop that was on the chair by my bed. I saw the 3-1 final and was like - ¨Yeah Tampa. Kick ass!¨

Then i checked the Seahawk score and was like ¨Tampa assholes.¨It was a good night to live in the Tampa area i suppose.

Sex, lies and the Internet
So ´Sheri´tried to IM me again. i said ¨look, i´m not angry because i had you figured out, but are you even a chick or some Nigerian dude who´s a scam artist? And I don´t think you´ve ever been to madrid. And by the way your English is terrible! So what´s your story?¨

Quite unsurprisingly, there was no reply. Ha ha! Got ya!

Do not mess with El Dude. Now all i have to do is to try and report him so some sucker doesn´t fall for it. But´s it´s been good research for the next story.

Wrote a lot yesterday so i am up to 65k words.

I predict Tampa over Philly in 6.

All the pretty things...

It's a thin line, between love and hate
-the Persuaders

Atletico vs. Real Madrid
Well the Derbi was great, except it was fixed! Real Madrid won in the 96th minute with a penalty. Are you joking me! It was at the other end of the field, but who calls a penalty against the home side in the 96th minute? And in the 93 minute Aguero got killed in the box, the defender never touched the ball, and there was no penalty. I sit by the north goal, tenth row, so i saw the whole thing. Real scored in the 1st and 96th minute, Atleti in the 89th. Suffering, suffering, suffering! It really was ridiculous, the Real Madrid players flying through the air every time they were touched and the Atletico players only getting every 3rd call after they were mauled.

It is considered common knowledge that certain games were fixed during the 40 years of Dictatorship, because Real Madrid was the Generalisimo's team. They are still the team of the political right. How else can you explain Atletico not beating Real Madrid at home since '98/'99?

But the atmosphere was electric and i've been to my first derby (when teams from the same city play each other). The Liverpool game is going to be played here on Wed., so that will be fun.

Still trying to get more hours. Still slogging through the new novel. Still wondering why have no clean boxers.

The Redsox just won't die. They are vampires. You need to stake them through the heart, cut off their heads and bury them in the meadowlands with a gallon of lye if you are going to kill them. The poor people of Tampa.

vientos de cambios
Things are changing. I find myself getting closer to new friends, rekindling friendships with people i have drifted from, and very much wanting to separate myself from some people i know very well who are insane. It's a thin line between love and hate, i suppose.

Dating in Cyberspace
Well, Sheri Mellon, who is really probably a 6 foot Nigerian dude named Okeafor Anande, finally asked me for money. I had it figured out long ago, but had to play along cuz i am so intrigued when it comes to stuff like this. It was a very strange experience. And this person was not very skillful. If I ever do write a novel from the outline i have for GOD OF THE DAMNED, it will be a much smoother operator.

Mercifully, the Seahawks play at 2:30am so i do not have to watch them.

Okay! Time to plan lessons, write and clean!

This just in: General Francisco Franco is still dead.

A happy Sunday to you all. And a pleasant tomorrow.



Lastly;

• the Redskins and Shaun Alexander deserve one another
• i think i'm going bald
• the Seester is recovering form her surgery and is well. She's back in the game.
  
• i'm an idiot
• the new Marillion album is dense. 2 discs worth. Very layered and textured. sounds cool so far but i have still have no idea what the hell is going on when i listen

I taught a lesson on emoticons - the smiley faces and stuff used for test messaging. I found it very strange but it was given to me by the new academy. Surprisingly, the students enjoyed it.

• i'm not always correct
• I don't know why - but somehow Facebook thinks i'm gay. It keeps sending me dating messages for guys. WTF?
• The terminator movies and the Dune book swarned us machines might ruin our world someday

En la Ciudad

Street in the city
Street in the city on a working day
-Pete Townshend

Weekend! Woo hoo! Madness grips the city for the derby tomorrow between Real and Atletico!

The weather is 20 C sunny and gorgeous. Cara is coming over around 19:00 for drinks on the terrace. I will bbq my lunch when i finish writing this thing- asparagus y berehena (eggplant) with a little gazpacho. Sometimes life is just so nice.

Jamey finally sent me a page long missive trying to convince me to go to Korea. He lives out there. It was pretty convincing. I have no idea what i'll do.

My Spanish is getting better, so i am thinking more of maybe going someplace that speaks Spanish. It's been a lot of work to get my Spanish this far. Maybe Costa Rica. That place is gorgeous.

The new Marillion Album Happiness is the Road is out. You can download it free on musicglue.com

The Red Sox are in league with Satan, the Prince of Lies. Mark my words.

The more i get to know people, the more nuts i think they are. I still like them - sometimes even more, but they are just fucking nuts.

Me, i'm totally sane. Totally. 100%.

(I'm El Dude and I approved this message)

Whip cream pies thrown at you by a random clown....

Kind of like McCain in the debate last night - Zing!

Don't fuck with me Johnny - even from across the Atlantic i'll shred you. So Johnny said he'll balance the budget in 4 years. Yeah, and i'm going to pull a live baby kangaroo out of my ass on Letterman next Tuesday.

I kill you!
-Achmed the Dead Terrorist

• These new classes are at a tobacco company. Oy! Banks - Tobacco companies! I'm always working for the man! Why can't i work for a marijuana company? Something a little more earthy crunchy?

ANSWER: Because these places have no money. Sigh.

• Our one Spanish friend (female) told our English friend (Female) "Tu culo esta enorme," which means Your Ass is Enormous! The Spanish are very forthright, but honesty is not always the best thing. Wow! That's rough! And of course the chick who said it looks like a supermodel.
  
• The weather has been gorgeous. Sunny and 70 during the day. You need a sweater at night, which is great.
• The short story- In Another Country is now available from the Spanish Exile Shop
  
• Nighttime is just like daytime except without the sun.
  

Cambios

Hair blow in an open car
Summer dress slips down her arm
Hair blown in an open car
On a drive out to the farm
Hair blown in an open car
-Porcupine Tree

• Well, i thought i had 9 new hours of work, but it's only 6.
• I thought I was 5'8 but I'm really 173 centimeters
  
• I thought all i needed was love. But no. I need money, a place to live, food, and my iPod.
  

-I have a ticket for the Derby between Atletico and Real Madrid on Saturday night from my friend Pedro!

-The bad news is that UEFA has sanctioned Atletico for police brutality and crowd racism, so that means that the Champions League game against Liverpool must be played over 300 km away. A harsh penalty but racism is rampant here. And the police are a bunch of thugs and Hooligans. But it's a bummer as I had the season ticket for the Champions League.

Up and down. In and out. Cooked and raw. This is what life gives us.

The band jammed again last night and it was great. Beau and Juan are going to start writing. And we need to record somehow. But we'll figure it out. We always do.

Knuckling down

Lets go Rays! 3-o in the 1st! Wakefield, who really is something special, just doesn't have it today.

No offense to my Red Sox friends (pun intended) but they bore me senseless. What ever happened to the good old days when Boston sucked at sports. Now all Boston does is win; Celtics, Pats, etc....., it's unnatural. It's like global warming.

i hate riding on the buses here. They drive so recklessly that i get car sick. Last night I thought I was going to Youkilis all over the chick in front of me.

Okay - i must sleep. I got some new classes today. That helps. The lady i will work for seems nice. She's sings blues. We had a discussion about Koko Taylor.

sleepy sleepy time.

Grey matters, part 2

The Seahawks, decimated by injuries, crashed to a 1-4. Ugh...the bad old days. I remember them well. Nothing to complain about, though. It's been a nice run. But that playoff streak is coming to an end.

Crashing.

Today is a tough one - trying to deal with getting new classes. I heard from the Korean school. It looks like it would be best to teach in a private school and i could get a job easily. They'll give me a place to live and pay my airfare. Other side of the planet.

Hmmmm.

Something is going to happen to show me the way. I don't know when, but sometime, somewhere something will happen. Damn! I sound like the department of homeland security!

EBC, where i took the TEFL course will send my CV out to a heap of places here. The Koreans are hot and heavy suitors. I was so desperate I called Rebound Girl as she works for a company that sends people on trips to learn English. What drama! What excitement!

What a crock of shit. I need to have the Daft Cunt killed. Yeah i do. You saw it coming. I can see the headline now.

DAFT CUNT KILLED
In the quiet neighborhood of Valderazza, a man was murdered last night after being hit repeatedly with a sack of doorknobs. Police have no leads.

Well, I negotiated a full week's severance, so it's better than nothing.

Okay, anger issues aside, i need to take a deep breathe. Take action. Make calls. Take away that feeling of powerlessness.

i have applied to teach English to people in China over the Internet. Frigging hell! I think it would be easier to try teach fish how to walk!

Deep breaths. Let the light flow through me. Feel the energy run through me. My neck is a well cooked piece of asparagus.

i finished IN ANOTHER COUNTRY yesterday. I'm going to try and edit it today and then get it out to you all. About 5,000 words. Not bad. I don't think I need to issue any warnings. There's some sex in it, but that doesn't seem to bother this crowd.

People on both sides of the Atlantic often say I am very brave for just hopping from country to country. Maybe. I don't know.

In the words of the Mum;

There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity.

And in the words of Janis Joplin;

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

Maybe the truth lies somewhere inbetween. As always - shades of grey.

Okay. I just applied for a University Job in Johannesburg, South Africa. Hello? They are hosting the World Cup in 2010!

In another country

Well, hey there, baby, do you want to make the scene?
I said a-hey there, baby, do you want to make the scene?
Awww, well, come on over, baby, step into my time machine
-Grand Funk Railroad


Well, I sent out some CV's and have some folks to call manana. I also sent one application to Korea. Whew. That would be a change. My hands get all clammy just thinking about it.

But this is how it starts. -You get the idea.

You say that would be fun and maybe that will be next.

And then something happens. A well cast pebble to knock over the empty and battered beer can that has been sitting on that wall for days.. And sometimes that's the tipping point. And then the energy of the whole thing just becomes a creature unto itself.

My buddy Jamey is in Seoul. It would be nice to know someone there. There's a small expat community there as well.

With this dicey economy, it would be lovely to be legal.

So, we'll see.

Step into my time machine. Change the scene.

Ireland in November. Guadalajara after that. And then?

I know what to do. They taught me this in Jamaica. You slit a chicken's throat and then look into it's steaming entrails to see the future.

Gotta go.

Forward

All that you are is not the things you do
-transatlantic

Well, Porcupine Tree was amazing, as usual. Here's the set list. I went with my editor, Sydney, who got a bunch of their music from me way back when. The place had 7 bars and the center one had a palm tree in the middle of it. I felt like i was in a bad Miami club. But the place holds 3,000 people and it was packed.

MADRID, Spain: La Riviera

01. Fear of a Blank Planet
02. My Ashes
03. Anesthetize
04. Sentimental
05. Way Out Of Here
06. Sleep Together

07. Normal
08. Open Car
09. Stars Die
10. What Happens Now?
11. Dark Matter
12. Wedding Nails
13. Half Light
14. Blackest Eyes

Encore:

15. Trains

I'm working on a short story, as a midterm break for the novel. It's called IN ANOTHER COUNTRY. It's kind of a montage of some of the events of the past few months with little twists and turns thrown in. I've been working on it all weekend. Maybe it will be ready by the end of the week. It's 3,000 words right now. Maybe it will end up at 5,000. Not sure. Haven't done this short story stuff in like three years.

Otherwise i am just searching for some academies to work for. Oy. Forward!

Stars Die

Tree cracked and mountain cried
Bridges broke, window sighed
Cells grew up and rivers burst
Sound obscured and sense reversed

Stars Die
Blinding Skies
-Porcupine Tree





Well, I had a feeling all week that something bad was going to happen. Unlike most of my precogitions, where i have no idea what the fuck is going to happen and i piece the images together after the poop has hit the airduct, i put it together this time. I had a feeling the Daft Cunt was lying to me.

It's Armagiddeon Time
-The Clash

He called a few hours ago. Because of the economy and because i don't have papers, I won't be having the 12 hours a week at Santander i had been promised. I've also had PLT, the other company, offering me work in the afternoon for the past two months but not as many hours. But of course those classes are all gone. So i am down to 12.5 hours a week.

When the great economic collapse happens...., it happens
-Roger Waters Pink Floyd at Pompeii

Fuck.

But when one door slams you in the nuts, another door opens that has padding in case it accidently slams you in the huevos again. A kinder gentler door.

I re-did my resume. I looked at teaching online classes. I looked at teaching in Japan and Korea. I called PLT and told them I have more free time. I love those gals. I accepted a week long intensive course with PLT the week of Nov 16th in Guadalajara, wherever the fuck that is. It better not be the one in Mexico. Anyway, not bad considering i didn't know about this three hours ago!

Happy Viernes!

So the great US bank collapse has affected me in Madrid. I live 5785 miles away and they still suck me back in!

Well, i only have 2 things to say to both the Daft Cunt and Shrubby; Want to make the world a better place? - Kill yourself. As my boy Kevin likes to say; addition by subtraction.

Dare i live out the American Dream and kill my own boss?
-Homer Simpson

So my world is rocked. Fuck it. Bring it on. I'll figure it out. Maybe I'll end my Spanish Exile and move on to Asia for the new year. I have a lot of friends here but i have everything i need for the novel. I am cold and frightened, yet cautiously optimistic. I am a traveler of time and space. At least i have the Porcupine Tree show tonight as a welcome diversion

We all suffer so many blows in our lifetime. All of us. Everyone who ever walked the earth. The great ones get off the mat to fight another day. And me, I am the Champions!

Votar

(Picasso Tower)

Did you know?

• Got my absentee ballot. Haven't voted by mail since freaking Fairfield! I have been showing it to students and then we do election vocabulary.
  
• I work in the Picasso Tower 3 Days a week, which was designed by Minoru Yamasaki, the guy who designed the World Trade Center. Kind of wild - i used to work in the WTC all the time while i was still in sales. Strange how things come full circle.
• Like me having a CT address again (Mum's)
  

Most peculiar mama!
-John Lennon

• Big shout out to the Seester, recovering from some back surgery. Hang in there!
• BUYING NEW SOUL- version 60K (words) is now available.

It's getting cooler all the time. 8 degrees C when i leave the house. I need to get a space heater. Time to go a shopping. And it's pitch black when i am entering the buildings where i have class at 7:55!

Tina Fey's impression of Sarah Palin is hysterical. And I wonder when Tina is finally going to answer my emails about me wanting to have her children?

Lost in Translation

I wait here in this hole
Playing poker with my soul
-Big Country

Well, practice was great. Lots of fun jamming. These guys have good experimental sense.

We just took a bunch of songs like MONEY FOR NOTHING, THANK YOU, TOM SAWYER, BACK IN NYC, SWEET HOME ALABAMA, STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN, HIGHWAY TO HELL and jammed on them, slowed them down or sped them up and some crazy things happened. A lot of it was based on the drum pattern and them just letting loose . I dig playing with these guys.

It was an annoying day of the Daft Cunt sending me to classes without directions and stuff, so it was pleasant to end the day hitting things.

The rooms are so hot, insulated for sound. Even in a t-shirt i was sweating like John Candy,

Beisbol y Dios

It looks like the Rays will advance to the ALCS. Wow! The times they are a changin'. But Harold Reynolds is HORRIBLE as an announcer. TBS deserves him.

Years ago I saw the Rays play the Whitesox on the south siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide of Chicago. Who knew?

There was a lot I didn't know back then. But now i got it all under control.

The carpet crawlers
heed their callers
-Genesis

Red Sox and Angels are Online. Sweet. I got back from work late so i am to bed late. Falling asleep listening to live baseball being played 3591 miles away - priceless.

Martes

Gravity eyelids come down
-Porcupine Tree

Taught this morning - my student Caco is so funny. We were working on this/these/that/those and i was getting him to stress the syllables, because to Spanish speakers this and these sound exactly the same. So here's this Spainish business guy saying "Ttttthhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiissssssssssssssssss, tttthhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeese." After 2 minutes he stops and says to me "The English is very gay." I cracked up.


Time for a siesta before lunch.

I'd also like to thank all of you who have already applied to the Church of Orenthal. This religion is going to be huge. It seems that it's much more popular to hate a god than to worship one.

Normalized

I don't really hate you
I don't care what you do
we were made for this moment
me and you

-Peter Gabriel

I am happy. How nice to be able to say that! I like my job. Next week will be full time. I love Madrid. My Spanish is getting better. Chema and I can understand each other better every day. He and Anita got back from Iran yesterday. They had a nice time. They brought Iranian pistachios, which are delicious. He also brought me back a postcard of a place in Iran that was used as Naboo in Star Wars. It was very thoughtful.

He said they all hate Islam, hate their government and love Americans. But not Shrubby. “That's okay,” i said. “We don't like him either.”

So if i am happy here – why would i leave in July?

Arguably, i was blessed with a decent brain. However, i feel that some of my best decisions have been made with my gut. And my gut says go. We'll see who wins. I can always come back. Madrid will still be here.

My friend who is in an existential crisis suffers this dilemma. She is very smart, but it makes her feel isolated. And then she tries to rationalize things.

Rule # 3: Life is not rational.

If you can't face this, you are in for trouble. It's all about a balance of both heart and mind.

Let the Truth of
Love be lighted,
Let the Love of Truth shine clear
Sensibility,
Armed with sense and liberty,
With the Heart and Mind united in a
single
Perfect
Sphere.

-Rush

Well, I'm back to trying the Internet Dating thing. We'll see. I sent a few messages to women who's profile I liked. This is such a bizarre process. The things people write!

I'm a very careful and good girl.

Next!

For good or for ill, i know what i like.

Squashed!

Arriving somewhere.... but not here.
-Porcupine Tree


Oy! The Seahawk game was painful. Hats off Giants fans. That was just brutal. I apologize on behalf of the Seahawks for anyone who watched that.

Thankfully, Bo and i watched it together. He's a Giant's fan. He was cool - psyched to see the G-Men win, but knows what it's like on the other side. At least when we were talking I didn't have to focus on the game.

Well, things can always be worse. I could be a Cubs fan.

And Jim Zorn has the Redskins at 4-1. Damn Baby!

All else is well here in Madrid. Same as I ever was.

Congratulations to Joe Torre, guiding the Dodgers to the NLCS. All this Dude does is win. And after the Yanks shafted him, it's nice to see. I hope they win it all.

Did I just say I want an LA team to win a championship? I hate LA. That's where i found out my ex-wife had an affair and possibly could be carrying my child. And the fucking traffic.

No. That's alright. I love joey-jo-jo. Kick ass Joe. Kick ass.

Painted in a corner

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
-Attributed to Art's father, Loyola Dorm bathroom wall, 1987

well- i kept my promise to myself to have the place sparkling when Chema gets home in an attempt to keep it in some semblance of repair. This place is a bloody hole! There are holes in the wall - I found some kind of nest! Floorboards that are missing covered up by larger flat boards. It's like frigging Fairfield.

But at least i kept my promise to myself. If you can't keep a promise to yourself, how can you keep one to anyone else? File this under another one of El Dude's The Meaning of Life Series.

The bad thing is i have mopped myself into a corner. So i'm not going anywhere for the next 20 minutes.

I have a whole slew of people coming over for Seahawks -Giants at 19:00.

Lastly, as many of you know, i have always wanted to start my own religion. However, all attempts to found this religion around myself have failed miserably. I'm just not messiah material (sorry mum!). Plus, most religions get big once the founder is dead, so fuck that.

Therefore, even though he is still alive, I am proud to launch the Church of Orenthal, after OJ Simpson.

His tale is the perfect story of a young kid using his talents to become the best he can possibly be. To not just be outstanding on the field but to be the first African-American to appeal to that all important demographic: white businessmen 25-45. And so a young OJ taught us how to run through airports and rent from Hertz in the 1970's.

Where this cautionary tale goes wrong is that he forgot where he was from. He became so distanced from reality that he thought he was above the law, as so many athletes who are given everything sometimes do.

Now here's the kicker - the cornerstone of the church of Orenthal:

If you get away with murder, don't push your luck.

And because the Juice did not follow this simple advice he will spend the rest of his life in prison. An ass raping prison.

It's not eternal damnation, but it's not a day on the golf course either.

I think this new religion has everything. So please join me, and the many millions who will follow, in the Church of Orenthal.

Strange as I seem
I'm getting stranger by the minute
-Porcupine Tree

Harvey Keitel's Penis

The more I show the wayI feel
the less I find you give a damn
The more I get to know
the less find that I understand

Innocent, the time we spent,
forgot to mention we're good friends
You thought it was the start of something beautiful?
Well think again.
-Porcupine Tree

Do you ever feel disembodied, like you're watching yourself on television or something? My friend Chris says living in Madrid is like being in a David Lynch film. I'll buy that.

I had lunch with a friend to try and clear up an incident that happened last week. I think we're good. I see the situation with great clarity now. Still, it was bizarre. We met to talk and by the end she was talking about how Harvey Keitel's penis was the first one she had ever seen in the movie the piano.

Que? I'm not sure what this has to do with anything. But i might be wrong.

You should have seen this Spanish Lady at the table next to us glaring at her (Pene is Penis in Spanish, so they are close). I just looked at the lady and i gave her the i just met her face, where you just raise your eyebrows a bit. Just another quiet saturday lunch.

So turn the page. Add it to the mountain of shit i don't understand. But i am well.

I am 24 hours into All Porcupine Tree Radio. You can check them out on myspace. If you're looking for an intro to them, I recommend Arriving Somewhere..., a smoking live alb from 2006.

That is all. Back to cleaning!

The Meaning of Life, part 1

Modem load and failsafe
Electric teenage dust
Hit the solvent keypad
Start the neural rust
-Porcupine Tree

I am in bed, under the covers blogging. Ahhh...Sabado. Simple pleasures.

OJ Simpsons has to be the stupidest person ever. He gets away with murder and now will go to jail for stealing sports memorabilia. And he gets convicted 13 years to the day he was acquitted? That's too bizarre. If you read it in a novel, you'd be like - "That's ridiculous!"

And now my friends, i shall impart the meaning of life to you. Normally i charge $99.95 for this on the Internet, but for you, my dear blogees, free of charge.

(drum roll)

Life is ridiculous.

You just need to roll with it. Keep keeping on. Work hard and laugh harder. Chase your dreams.
You never know - they just might happen.

Unless you're the Cubs, Whitesox, Brewers or Angels. Then you're just screwed to the garage door.

Gracia a Dios esta Viernes!

Time is a gypsy caravan
Steals away in the night
To leave you stranded in dreamland
Distance is a long-range filter
Memory a flickering light
Left behind in the heartland
-Rush

Atleti won on Wednesday night 2 - 1 in a nail biter over Olympic Marseille. Sufrimiento (suffering), as their fans say. Just like the Mets. That was an awful collapse. Bo (who is also from Jersey) and i watched the end together. It was just sad.

I worked every day this week. Still not up to full time, but i am getting more and more private students, which is nice. I'm happy for the work. I like to work hard cuz i'm from Mississippi. - No wait, that's BB King, not me.

But now it's Viernes: The Weekend. Hooray!

Cold and windy today. It hasn't been chilly during the day up today.

I had lunch with one of my former students, Antonio. It was good to see him. He's my age. It was very Spanish: Lunch from 3-5. Beer and lamb chops - oh yeah!!!!

Now i clean. How have two days to live up to my oath of getting this place in shape while Chema's gone. Then drinks tonight with Cara and Itor (and the Snow Dog!)

There are 98 Porcupine Tree songs on my iPod. 10 + hours! Holy crapapalooza!

THE EYE OF THE STORM

TRACY JORDAN: You are the best! You know what? I'm gonna make you a mixed tape. You like Phil Collins?
DONAGHY: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?
-30 Rock

Our new band, currently referred to as LOST IN TRANSLATION, jammed together for the first time on Tuesday night. It was good. There were some cool things. We shall see. It was me and three guitarists. Very nice! The three of them riffing while i get to hold them together.

THEY SAID IT

The Seester told me today; “You should never sleep with someone who is a friend.”

“So I should only have sex with women I hate?” I asked and then said, “Hmmm...well, I guess it works for everyone else!”

We often wind up disliking the people we mate with. Why waste all that time?

FYI, the Seester is going to have her own talk radio show on Westwood One starting November 1st.

I surrender. The world is insane but Madrid is the epicenter. The eye of the storm.

DRAMA

I have a friend who is in the middle of an existential crisis. I'm sure it will all work out. Or not.

TEMPERATURE

Is this thing even funny anymore? Am I still making sense? I don't hear any laughter.

Oh wait. I do. I hear it now.

It's been all Porcupine Tree Radio here at the flat since i got my ticket yesterday. I am geeked up.

Well, i am off to my first Champions League game ever!!!!

GOD OF THE DAMNED
This is the title for the next tentative novel, about an Internet dating scam artist who's father used to fleece female pen pals out of money from prison.


The KKK took my baby away
-The Ramones

A Porcupine Tree Grows in Madrid

This is no rehearsal
- play it back and throw things at the screen
This is no rehearsal -
- somebody interpret this for me
-Porcupine Tree


Happy October! I got a hair cut.

I feel pretty, oh so pretty!



No Mum, i didn't get it cut short.

I feel like letting my freak flag fly
-David Crosby

bang the drum slowly

Young Colin Tietjen is learning how to play the drums! He has my kit. H said they brought the snare and a bag of sticks i had to the shop. The teacher said something about my having Neal Peart 7a models, and then started to explain who Neil Peart is. But Colin, being Kevin's progeny, quickly informed him that he totally knew who Neil Peart is. And thus, a bond was formed between teacher and student! How sweet is that? He's 8 and he knows the scoop.

You can check out any time you like but you can never leave....

Porcupine Tree is playing here next Friday. I tried to buy tickets on the Internet (like in a developed country) but it would have been 15 Euros to mail them! The ticket was only 25! So i went to the FNAC store ticket outlet. It took a half-hour in line. When i finally got to the window it said "agotado" next to the band's name. I pulled out my dictionary and of course it said; exhausted; sold out.

"Bitches Brew!" I said aloud. It seemed odd that it was sold out since they're not that popular. But it would explain why I've seen no promotion - no posters or anything. There were only two more people in front of me, so i decided to roll the bones and give it a shot. After all, this is fucking Madrid.

5 minutes later i walked up and said, "Una entrada por Porcupeeen Tree (as they pronounce it here)."

"Solo una?" She asked. Yes, I told her. Only one.

"27 Euros," she said, and gave me a ticket. Go figure. This entire city is an anomaly in the time space continuum. Good thing i stuck it out. I've been here long enough to know nothing here is ever what it seems. Ever.

Madrid is an entity unto itself. It's like the Island in Lost. And like the Oceanic Six, it doesn't want me to leave.

I need to plan my escape.